@actuallyautistic
I'm just tired.
Such simply words, such small words, to describe the depth of exhaustion and soul numbing weariness, I was so often experiencing when I spoke them. So many times in my life I have, just been tired. That was how I thought of it, how I explained how I felt to myself. I can see, looking back, that many of those times were when I was burntout, at University and afterwards. Or obvious times of great stress, or when I had over worked. But, so often it was just how I felt, just the truth of my existence. I was just so, so, tired.
But, my problem was that I had learnt to judge my life against what I knew. How I'd learnt to see it, in how others seemed to experience theirs, how it was explained in book and film. How it just seemed to be. In my mind, it had all built up into a picture of how hard life should and shouldn't be. And so it never felt that I had the right to be so exhausted, to be such a mess. Because what I had really done, nothing. I knew that depression could have explained it, but that hadn't always felt entirely right to me, except sometimes on the fringes. So all it could ever be was that I was just tired and just tired doesn't mean that you can't push on, it doesn't mean that you can give up and it definitely doesn't mean that you're allowed to ever stop, if only for a little while.
And that was my life, before I realised I was autistic. I suspect many of our lives. A relentless effort, like swimming forever against the tide. But a tide I could never recognise, or see, or rest from, or forgive myself for not being able to beat all the time. The life that can happen when you don't recognise your own needs and when you have no explanation for how tiring...well, everything is and are trying to a live that isn't yours. When you are masking all the time and trying everything you can, to live the life most normal, the life you thought you should have.
So, is it any wonder that major burnout seems almost inevitable for those of us realising this later in life. That we have burnt through so many of the resources and reserves that we could have had. How different it could have been, if only we'd known the differences we could have made and that we were never, ever, just tired.
So, if you ever wonder why I spend so much time on here. This is why.
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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@actuallyautistic
As those of us who have been on here for a while know, this place is highly supportive of self-diagnosis. Generally it's because many of us, although certainly not all, are older, self-diagnosed ourselves, or have gone through the process of doing so before being officially diagnosed. We also tend to be acutely aware, often the hard way, that being officially diagnosed later in life brings with it very few actual benefits. There are few to no resources available to those who come to this as adults, especially adults who aren't also learning disabled in some way. Work place accommodations are difficult, if not again impossible to achieve. Even in countries where they are legally required. Or simply aren't something we need. Either because of the way we work, or because other diagnoses have already given us them. Many of us are also retired, or self-employed, in which case it's all somewhat moot. Add to this that we also tend to be well versed in all the arguments in favour of self-diagnosis and the validity of it. As well as all the reasons why it is so often the only way to go and it's no wonder that we accept it so readily.
But, it doesn't mean that it doesn't have a problem. There is one aspect of self-diagnosis that, despite all of this, we are especially vulnerable to. It's also the main reason, I believe anyway, why some people have a problem with self-diagnosis and its validity in the first place. And it's not because of the danger of getting it wrong. That's always a possibility, slim though it might be, even for those being officially diagnosed. Live as long as most of us have and you'll have been misdiagnosed by a doctor for something or other and if you are female-presenting, probably more times than you've had hot dinners. No, it's the simple fact that it's referred to as a diagnosis at all.
It implies, whether it means to, or not, that this is something that can only be certified within the medical framework, in just the same way as any other condition. That ultimately the only sure way of knowing and being sure, is for our assessment to be confirmed by an actual assessment conducted by those properly trained and qualified to do so. That, just as a self-diagnosis for any other condition or illness may well be right, that only a proper expert can really tell whether it is, or not.
Now, before someone gets on their high horse, I'm not talking about the diagnosis of any aspect, or consequence of our autism, that does or could very well require intervention of some sort. That obviously requires a level of knowledge that most of us don't have and the experience, that most of us probably don't have either, of being able to work out what is the best intervention and help that could be required. No, I am talking purely about the awareness and recognition of ourselves that we achieve from self-diagnosing. The realisation that we have been autistic all our lives. The knowledge that we are no-longer alone, or, possibly, as broken, as we always thought we were. It is a level of knowledge and conclusion that can only be reached by us. Either through a self, or even an official diagnosis. It is a process of recognising ourselves, of seeing ourselves finally, within the correct framework and by the right light. And it's why I prefer the term self-realising, rather than self-diagnosing. Because, ultimately, to me anyway, it is far more reflective of what is actually going on and, of course, eliminates the baggage of using the word, diagnosis and all that it brings.
Unfortunately, though, it is baggage that will still remain, to others anyway. Tell a family member, or friend, that you've realised that you are autistic and they'll still view it as a self-diagnosis, with all the reservations therein. Add in the pretty much medieval awareness that most people, especially over a certain age, have about autism and the natural tendency of wishing you the best and not wanting you to think of yourself as such a dark and terrible thing. Or the nastier tendency of not wanting to be associated with it in any way and then just watch the denials flow. It's one of the reasons why those of us who are older, have such a problem convincing, or even talking with our friends and family about this. And why so often it isn't believed until we do get an official diagnosis, if indeed even then. Most people don't want their loved ones to set themselves apart, especially in ways that they see in such a negative light. Feeling that they have to accept it, simply on that person's word, is simply too hard for many and comes, if it's self-diagnosis, with the handy defence that they can always use and believe, that it's not official and therefore not real. That it's not a proper diagnosis.
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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@actuallyautistic
Just watched the first two episodes of Patience, the English version of Astrid, murder in Paris. And I'm going to have to go with, colour me interested.
I loved Astrid, it's depiction of autism and the characters and their development. As a crime show, it wasn't always that great. But, as a showcase for how we can be and how we often fit into the world, it was brilliant.
In terms, so far at least, of the British show.
It's slightly annoying that they seem to be relying so much on the original show and especially its stories. However, they do seem to be going about telling them in a different enough way, for that not to be a dealbreaker. There's also enough hints that they might be taking the characters, especially the secondary characters, into other and perhaps just as interesting arks.
Patience is being betrayed far more as a heavier masked autistic, than the French version. But that, to me, seems fair and perhaps slightly more realistic for a woman in her position, especially as they have changed the role of her guardian.
They are still being as sympathetic and in some ways as up to date with how we see autism as Astrid was. I especially loved the way as a child she was diagnosed. But also in the difficulties, see the lift scene in the first episode, I found it so true and hilarious, and the ways she is coping.
I will certainly continue watching it and I am not without hope for it. Although, the original will certainly take some beating.
For those interested and who can access British tv, it is on channel 4.
https://beige.party/@innervisioner@mastodonapp.uk
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A word to those of you who might be new, or thinking about following me.
Whilst this place obviously runs on algorithms, it doesn't have one to push content onto your timeline. To this end, this place is all about being active. You have to go out and find the content you want. In terms of following the accounts of those whose posts you want to see and also in terms of following the various hashtags that interest you. There are also groups, who solely boost anything posted that tags them, such as @actuallyautistic a group for all autistics and even those who think they might be and not just those officially diagnosed. Follow enough of these things and your timeline can quickly fill, with all that interests you.
However, this is an ongoing process. People come and go. The nature of what they post might vary and no longer interest you. For this reason, unfollowing someone is not a cardinal sin here. Unlike other places, where how many people following you determines your reach, here it really doesn't do anything. Other than affect the quality of your engagement and how many boosts, which do determine reach, and favourites any given post of yours may have.
There are also, always, new people you might want to follow. Or new hashtags that you become aware of that interest you. In fact, over time, you can quite easily end up with an unmanageable timeline. Learning how to use lists, can help you here, separating your various interests into more manageable chunks. You can also hide the boosts of anyone you follow, so that you only see their posts, but not the huge amount of other stuff they might be prone to boosting. But, even with these things, there may come a time when you realise that something has to give and that you can't follow everything. Or, that what you are following is not quite right and that you may need to refresh everything with new follows.
It is, as I said, an ongoing and active process being on here. Both of weeding out the old, or unwanted, and in tending the new. It therefore requires an amount of constant work that puts some people off this place, but which, for most of us, is the beauty of it, once you get the hang of it.
To that end, I therefore do not automatically follow back everyone who follows me. It may be a trick people have learnt in other places and even considered good behaviour because of that. But, as I've explained, it doesn't do much here, where it's all about managing and curating your own timeline. So, if I don't follow back, please don't take offence. I, almost exclusively, wander the #autism spaces and simply like my timeline filled accordingly.
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@actuallyautistic
The holidays are over and I can finally get back to normal. This includes having my usual three days off together and as I start the first of those I have to report, that I am fucked, completely drained, knackered and down to my finally ounce of energy and ability to give a ... But, then I knew I would be, as soon as I was finally able to relax.
This is, perhaps, one of the most important things I have learnt, since realising I was autistic and beginning to learn about it. The knowledge of how many things drain me, that in the past I wouldn't have believed could. Sure, working over Christmas, isn't ideal. But, there's all the rest. Spending time with the family I love. The presents, the food, all the wonders of this, the happiest time of the year.
But, as much as I, mostly, still love Christmas. I can see now that all this comes with a cost. The complete shattering of the routines that normally support me. The added pressure of having to get around them and dealing with all the added events of family and parties and the sheer busyness and intensity of this time of year. The way so much of it, just isn't geared towards my needs, or even an ability to satisfy them. Shopping becomes a lottery of will it be quiet or not, even, will they have what I want, or not. The roads become something more akin to Deathrace 2000 and the peopling is just so much worse. Not withstanding that everyone needs me to be (shudders) happy and God help me if I'm not. Because I'm stressed, or tired, or just simply trying to cope and that's currently taking everything I've got. But also, because it never seems to end.
All this is what I wouldn't have been able to see in the past. I would have gone into this time of the year, fighting the tiredness, refusing to admit that there was any genuine reason for it and therefore believing it couldn't be real and bulling headlong into my life as if nothing was wrong. I certainly wouldn't have made any plans for how to recharge. I wouldn't have known that the crash was coming and that I had to accept and in fact welcome it. That the body can only take so much and then you have to give it respect, or it will make you somehow. That this is as much a part of being autistic, as any of the good things. I would, instead, have just been normal and cracked on with my life, like a train wreck waiting to happen.
Which probably explains why January and February were always my darkest and lowest months. When depression, and perhaps more likely burnout, I can see now, would dog me, like an unwanted guest. It was always a period I couldn't explain before. It was always, hello post Christmas depression, my old friend and then the knowledge of the long slow trudge to spring and the hopeful lifting of it.
So, if like me, you find these the hardest months. Perhaps think about why and also how much grace and understanding you can actually give yourself, now that you can see and prepare for those reasons.
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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@actuallyautistic
This may be a bit of a weird one, but it essentially falls into an #AskingAutistics question.
I was brought up in the sixties and seventies, by parents who had endured and learnt from the war and post-war austerity. As a family, we lived off my father's government pay cheque, which whilst not bad, wasn't great. So we were never rolling in money. My parents also had, which was common back then, a great aversion to borrowing money and any sort of credit. So, basically, if we couldn't afford it, we didn't get it. Holidays were always camping holidays. Dad went to the car sales when ever he needed to replace our only family car. The only new car we ever had, was because he won it in a competition and even then he drove it into the ground. Well, technically, after years and years of faithful service and maintaining and repairing it himself, he drove it into the back of a van going down a really icy hill late one night. But, you get what I mean. I was basically brought up to value money and be prudent.
The consequence of this, is that I tend to not spend money for the sake of it. I carefully weigh all decisions against whether they are really necessary and whether I can afford it yet. If something is still essentially doing its job, even if far from perfectly, I too will continue to drive it into the ground, (although not into the back of a van yet), with much bodging, (highly temporary, Heath-Robinson type repairs) fixing, cursing and occasional sacrifice to the Elder Gods, before eventually and reluctantly, deeming it worthy of replacement.
However, when I do buy something, I rarely skimp on the cost. As is fairly common with us, I will spend hours researching what I want to buy. What bells and whistles I want on it and which product best fulfils my criteria. Price, within reason, I refuse to pay extra for the sake of a name, is not part of this equation. I also do like treating myself to the occasional shiny new toy. Like, this ThinkPad I am currently typing this out on, especially if I can see enough cause to do so.
But. If something is more speculative and the reason for purchasing it is more about simply treating myself, than a true functionality and a sense that it's adding to the value of what I would be doing with something else. In other words, if it's more of a, because I can and I want one, even though I'm not sure how much I'll use it. Then, no matter how much I can clearly afford it and that it's no big deal, I will always feel guilty about doing so.
So, this is what I am wondering. Whether this is my upbringing speaking. Whether I am just cursed to be as tight as a duck's arse and have to live with this. Or whether, this, like so much else, is an autism thing. Is this sort of reaction to treating ourselves for the sake of it, common? Even a, years of trauma induced low self-esteem, thing, common to us? In which case, can my irritating guilt finally have an answer.
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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Happy
Arbitrary moment in the cycle round the sun
Day!
Thank all of you for being here and making this place so great
🎉🎉🎉♥️💚🩷
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@actuallyautistic
Been one of those days when I can hardly keep my eyes open. I knew it would be, as this is the first day off I've had since Christmas and also I have to go back to work tomorrow. So my brain has basically leapt at the chance to go and huddle in a corner and whimper to itself piteously, whilst snarling at me, if I have the audacity to try and prod it into doing something.
Which, by this point in December, is hardly surprising. This, under normal circumstances anyway, is by far my worst month of the year. It starts with all the stress of shopping. I really fucking hate Christmas shopping, both trying to work out what to get people and, of course, all the hassle and pain of getting it. Everywhere is far too busy, the roads, the shops, even if you try to go when it's quieter. You've got all the bright lights and Christmas cheer blasting out of everywhere and all the people milling and blundering about, with all the thoughtfulness of a herd of charging Rhinos.
Then, living alone, I have to do all the preparing required to deal with the upset to my routines that come with this time of year. Working out when and how, I'm going to get things done. What needs doing, by which point. When I'm going to cook and what, to make sure that food isn't an issue. Anything extra that needs to be bought and when I can do that. And all, whilst managing the extra work that obviously comes from being a taxi driver at this time of year. And that, in itself, is stressful enough. Anyone who has to work with the public, will tell you what a bunch of withering arseholes they can become at this time of year. Either expecting too much, or that it has to be now, or that you have to be a happy bubbling cauldron of Christmas cheer, whilst you service their every petty whim and getting really arsey when you're not and are just trying to get on with your damn job.
And all of this, so that you can enjoy the "big day". Which, if you are single, or without kids, will almost certainly involve travelling, spending it at someone else's home and relentlessly masking, whether you mean to, or not. Because you know, only too well, how much shit will hit the fan, if you are anything less than perfect and certainly if your facade cracks and people see how much it's taking just to be with the family you love and in the situation that you want to be in and inevitably misread that in some horrible way, that will be a mark against you until the end of your days and that you'll never hear the end of. And then, of course, and unless you are really lucky, repeat for New Year.
So, if like me, you've ever wondered why you always seem drained and depressed and possibly burntout, after this most wonderful time of the year, wonder no more.
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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Eldritch screams shatter the night, endless nightmarish cries echoing across the land. The darkness manifests with horror and fear. The cold grip of terror clutches the heart upon hearing them and threatens to rip the very soul out of your body.
Me: Either the Elder Gods are stalking the land, the end of year cycle, looking for lost souls and foolish travellers. It's time to hide within my stone walls and batten the doors. Or, it's fox shagging season. 🤔
Seriously. If you have never heard foxes shag in the night, you don't know what you are missing. It's especially impactful, if you're a young child, the first time you hear it, and crossing a dark field on your own and with a more than sensitive bowl. 😆
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However you spend it, whether you want to, or can do, or even don't care to, I wish everyone here a happy holiday. All of you who make this such a wonderful place. Those who have entertained me and educated me, who have kept me informed and to all the hard-working instance admins who keep this place running, on a shoe string and quite frankly, as far as I know, with a shoe string. Although, certainly, with all the arcane techno magic and mystery that they are the champions of.
And most especially of all, to the wonderful #ActuallyAutistic community here. You have been a source of comfort and joy, of knowledge and understanding and have done so much to help me grow as a person. You have also allowed me a sense of belonging that I never dreamt could be possible, even though I have searched for it all my life. May we each spend these holidays how we need to, without the guilt or remorse that was often our way at this time of year, But, in happiness and joy.
Merry Christmas everyone. 😀
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@actuallyautistic
For those of you who visit family on Christmas and wonder why you always feel so tired afterwards. And, I suppose, for those who don't wonder, but may still find this interesting.
You are in your best clothes. Which, let's face it, aren't your comfy pj's, or normal comfy clothes and which feel weird and more than a little restrictive. If not downright scratchy and uncomfortable and always make you wonder why you have to be tortured this way.
The smells assailing you are all Christmasy. From the cooked food, to the scented candles and diffusers and no one else is really noticing or seems to care. But they're quietly driving you up the wall and if you're really unlucky, upsetting your chest and breathing. But, you daren't say anything, because that's just wrong and upsets everyone and once again marks you as the person who ruins everything. And yet it's still all you can be aware of and just wish would stop.
You're currently trying to listen to what your loved ones are saying. Whilst hearing what every one else is saying, the music, which is supposed to be in the background, but isn't to you, or the t.v. that's been left on. Whilst at the same time desperately parallel processing, what they're saying, what it means, up to and including any obvious traps and pitfalls, like the fact that your Aunt really doesn't want to know that her outfit makes her look like a cheap hooker, and which of the multiple possible responses is in fact the one they want, or which will get you out of this moment the quickest and with the least pain. Or, how to frame what you actually want to say in a way that they will understand, accept, or, more likely, swallow without a fight or the sort of reply that sends you back to the trauma of your youth, triggers your imposter syndrome, or merely denies your very existence once again to the obvious, but not really knowing what they are doing, amusement of the rest of your family.
That you're hyperaware of your body and its movements. Trying desperately to keep it still and "normal" and not be all weird and attract the attention of the jokers in your family, who will delight in pointing it out. That you're constantly checking where you are looking and how long you do so. The eye contact that you have to fake and desperately trying to ensure that people don't notice what you're doing. That you don't inadvertently zone out and come out of it to realise that everyone's realised that you've been staring blankly at your cousin's tits for the last whatever minutes. Because that's never not uncomfortable, or ends well. Or, that you might inadvertently look at someone who takes that as an invitation to pin you against a wall and talk your ears off, because that's what you really, really, don't want.
And all the time you're desperately trying to remember all the protocols of family and getting on with them. Of accepting the utterly useless piece of crap that they've just given you, as the best Christmas present ever, with the appropriate appreciation and response. Or the food that's offered you, or served for dinner. All the various kindnesses and moments that they lovingly give to you and that you want to deal with well and certainly without disappointing, upsetting, or starting, yet again, the family's favourite game of, who's going to blame you and who's going to defend you and how big an argument and upset is that going to cause and how much of it will be blamed on you anyway.
That ultimately you don't know how long you're supposed to stay, or can stay without running out of steam and letting the whole facade crash around you. Even though you really want to stay and be with your family, but are only too aware that the wheels will come off sooner or later and that no matter how much you'll end up disappointing the ones you love the most, and want to upset the least, that you'll still probably stay too long and disappoint them anyway. And then you end up worrying and dwelling over that and using up the last of what little energy remains, trying to get it right.
So hopefully this explains why you can end up so tired and have a merry Christmas.
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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@actuallyautistic
And in the end, he gives up everything that makes him who is, just for the illusion of just one day. BTW, once you start seeing this film in this way, there's no going back. 😀
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@actuallyautistic
Time to watch a truly autistic film.
It is the tale of a child who is born different and who is abused because of that, no matter how much he tried to fit in. As an adult he learns to embrace himself and to come to terms with who he is, his strengths and the way he can best live his life. It is an epic expression of self-compassion and realisation and a lesson for us all.
Unfortunately, it ends in tragedy. As the un-dealt with trauma of never having been able to fit in, makes him succumb to the foul temptations and selfishness of someone seeming to promise what has never been and which he forgets he has moved beyond.
It is a sad end, but a true tragedy is meant as a warning.
And yes, I'm watching The Grinch. It's that time of year, when some things have to be remembered, even if in sadness. 😀
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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@actuallyautistic
Me hitting the Christman goodies slightly early and thinking. Why not, I'm a grown arsed adult and this is the time of year to treat myself.
A moment later as my mind thinks about this.
OK, dammit, autistic honesty. I'm maybe technically as grown physically as I'm going to be and yes, adult maybe not be the designation that best describes me, even at 60. But, you know what I mean. Do I really have to feel justified for every God damn thing?
How I feel about having a wee drop of sherry before going to bed. 😆
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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A memo to younger folks.
At this time of year, it can be hard for those of us who are older. Hard to get into the swing of things, to be as enthusiastic and into events as you may want. It can be easy to become frustrated, or even angry, about how we are behaving. Equally and especially for those of us who belong to marginalised groups, whether we know it, or not, we can often put on a good front, our best mask, that hides the hurt and discomfort we actually feel and perhaps, when we are at our limit, when we have pushed ourselves beyond endurance, you may get a glimpse beneath that mask and be disappointed.
It's a time to be especially gentle with us. Remember that this is a season relentlessly pushed as a time for family and friends to get together. That it is all about belonging and the joy that comes from that. For some of us, true belonging is the last thing we have ever felt, all our long lives and this time of year makes us only too painfully aware of that. Also, as we get older, for far too many of us, the table around which we would sit, to cherish and celebrate the people in our lives, has far more empty, than filled seats in it and that is important to remember.
In so many ways, the trauma that this time of year represents can not be underestimated. It is not easy, it is not kind to us. So, if we are less than what you might want, or fail somehow the expectations that you might have, please bear this in mind and be kind to us.
Please boost and pass this on.
[#]ActuallyAutistic
[#]Trans
[#]Neurodivergent
[#]LGBTQIA
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OK, curiosity has won. https://beige.party/@FediTree@masto.es
Edit. Apparently this hasn't worked. I'm fairly sure the link is ok, so I can only assume that you have to follow the bot to get it to work, which I'm not prepared to do.
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@actuallyautistic
On my stupid autistic brain.
Last week I received notification that the power would be out today (Tuesday) due to necessary electrical work being done on the flats I live in. Of course, stupid brain went straight into planning mode. What will I need to do and when. What steps will I need to take to ensure that I have what I need whilst the power was out. Days of making plans, thinking and rethinking what I needed, lists scattered about the flat to remind me, amended and then amended again. Endless hours of mental preparation and thought and all because of a few hours without power.
And then, despite the fact that the assurance was that the power would be back on by 4pm, 5pm at the latest, stupid brain was all, but what if it isn't, what then, have you thought of that, no you haven't? So, of course, I had to make plans for that as well, just to keep stupid brain happy and stop it from endlessly fretting and bugging me.
Well, guess what. The power wasn't back on by 4pm, or even 5pm. It didn't come back on until 9pm. Which just goes to show. Sometimes our strange and different ways of looking at something, aren't so weird at all. They can be very wise and stupid brain, isn't so stupid after all. 😀
[#]Autism
[#]Actuallyautistic
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To my non-UK peeps perhaps confused by news reports about the storm currently visiting our fair land and the way we might be speaking about it. Here is a handy guide
It's a bit brisk out there,
There's terrified people being swept through the air clinging desperately onto their umbrellas like so many Mary Poppins wannabes.
It's a mite damp,
It's biblical, the land is becoming the rivers and sea and everything's getting swept away.
It's getting quite interesting out there,
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, we're all going to die.
Hope it helps. 😂
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@actuallyautistic
Autism is often described as having a different operating system for our minds than non-autistics. One of the ways that this is most clearly demonstrated, is in the communication challenges that can exist between us. For me, this is because there is a fundamental difference in how communication is primarily used and understood.
I believe that autistics and many others, are primarily concerned with the exchange of information and that the clearer and "purer" that information is, the better. So the first act of any communication is to transmit that information as fully as possible. Secondary considerations are doing so in a way that you know will make that information more accessible. Shaping it for the audience, so to speak. And only finally will there be any thought of possible social niceties about the exchange and only then, if the level of masking, or social awareness allows for it.
Allistic primary consideration for communication, though, appears to be social. How will it fit into and effect their place within the hierarchy. How the communication can be shaped for maximum effect within this framework. Secondary considerations then become how much of the information can be imparted in the initial phase and how clear it can be. With perhaps much of the information being held back for further exchanges, once the social aspect and hierarchy has been established.
This also, obviously, applies to receiving communication. Autistics will look initially for the information, the simple, unadorned facts and necessary instructions. Whereas allistics will be looking for the social constructs before trying to establish what information is being exchanged and how to process and respond to it within those constructs. This simple difference in emphasis, is, if you think about, possibly responsible for so many of our problems. Why, for example, our need for as much clearly defined information as possible in the first instance, even to the point of multiple questions asked, is so often seen as rude or pushy. Or why our habits of info dumping and bare-bones facts, just being delivered straight and to the point, can come across as arrogant, or unhelpful. Because neither conform to the allistic's assumptions, or needs.
Of course, this is a classic double-empathy problem. But, what can make it harder to see and understand, is that such fundamental differences in how and why we communicate, are not always obvious or the sort of thing that people realise. Also, even if people are vaguely aware of what they are doing, the assumption, if anything, is normally, well isn't this how everyone does it.
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
[#]Neurodivergent
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@actuallyautistic
This is actually a day late. Because of, ... well, work. But, I have now been on this place two years. I came here because of the great twitter wave of '22, not with it. At that time, I had reached the point in my autism realisation that I was at least vaguely confident in it and wanted to talk with others like me. But as I'd never had any real interest in social media, neither really understanding the attraction, nor the point, the main sites didn't really draw me and hearing about this place in relationship with the twitter wave, I thought I would give it a go. This despite it having a reputation for being the home of seriously techy people and me being about as far removed from that, as it's possible to be.
I strongly suspect that because I never had any prior experience, I never experienced this place as being especially difficult to work out. I wasn't expecting to be passive and so went in, knowing that I had to work things out for myself. As far as I can judge, having no experience of other sites myself, this is the difference with this place. It's about putting in the effort yourself. In terms of working out how things work. What you want from an instance and how you best want to interact on here.
And this place really is all about the interaction. It's no good trying to build follower numbers to game the system somehow. Name, or even reputation in other areas, won't get you much, if you don't also put in the effort. It's not a raucous bar, where the rich and famous hang out and get all the attention. It's more a teashop, where it's all about the conversation.
And this, I think, is the most wonderful part of this place. So many people just prepared to talk, to share their views and experiences and knowledge. And in particular the autism community on here. I have learnt so much, made my life better in so many different ways because of you and grown, in ways that I would never have imaged when I fearfully joined this place two years ago. This has all been the most amazing experience and I will forever be grateful that I found this place.
Thank you everyone for making this place what it is. It has been an honour meeting you all and I don't think I will ever be able to express my respect and love for you.
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