@actuallyautistic
Me hitting the Christman goodies slightly early and thinking. Why not, I'm a grown arsed adult and this is the time of year to treat myself.
A moment later as my mind thinks about this.
OK, dammit, autistic honesty. I'm maybe technically as grown physically as I'm going to be and yes, adult maybe not be the designation that best describes me, even at 60. But, you know what I mean. Do I really have to feel justified for every God damn thing?
How I feel about having a wee drop of sherry before going to bed. π
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic Have the sherry, Kevin. We're so glad you're here.
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@26pglt @actuallyautistic
Currently enjoying, said drop. Thank you.
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic Totally get that. More often than not I feel I have to "earn" a treat. Finish the task before allowing myself to enjoy something.
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic Try to be as childish and ridiculous as you can before you leave this world. Drinking sherry, eating chocolates, picking your nose and scratching your balls in front of people is priceless π
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@bughuntercat @actuallyautistic
Very much so π
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
I didn't see this until 12 hours later, so...
I really hope you enjoyed your sherry. You absolutely deserve it, my friend!
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@m @actuallyautistic
It's a Christmas treat, because I enjoy sherry a bit too much. In my feckless and reckless youth I once drank a pint of it, mostly because some idiot bet me that I couldn't π
Which is all rather strange when you consider that my body won't tolerate even small amounts of wine or port and always responds with crippling heartburn and indigestion.
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
I hear that! π€£
I very rarely drink any more, but I used to drink a bit too much... I think that is common. Many of us will do anything to get our brains to slow down.
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@m @actuallyautistic
A pint of sherry certainly did that π
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic I'm pretty sure part of the definition of being a grown arsed adult is the ability to have a wee dram before bed or cake for breakfast or jelly babies for lunch & no-one can legally stop you!
Hope you enjoyed it! I'm reaching for the Bailey's. π
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@gremlinchild @actuallyautistic
Lovely π
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@pathfinder
Perhaps changing how you frame it might help:
Instead of "I'm a grown-ass adult" what if you thought of it as "I'm not a child"?
I wonder if the need to justify our choices comes from our parents judging or disagreeing with our choices. And while we may struggle to identify ourselves as "adults", we're definitely not children that have to answer to our parents anymore.
You deserve to treat yourself β€οΈ
@actuallyautistic
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@dave @actuallyautistic
A history of struggling to justify ourselves is definitely part of the problem. Mostly because how do you justify the choices that make sense to us, but not to anyone else, when you don't realise you're autistic?
It tends to lead to irritating reluctance at times π
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@pathfinder @dave @actuallyautistic I find that my decisions almost always "make sense" to other people as long as I have the opportunity to explain my thought process.
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@roknrol
I can partially relate to this, but it's very contextual.
For largely rational decisions that are based on an underlying thought process, yes, I find this too. I often leave out the thinking and jump right to the conclusion - which confuses people - but more often than not, once I fill in the gaps, others can understand where I'm coming from.
For decisions that are more emotional or based on an intuitive sense of need, for most of my life I've barely been able to articulate the need to myself, let alone to someone else.
@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
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@dave @roknrol @actuallyautistic
This is pretty much how it is for me too. Although sometimes, the logic of my reasoning also fails to be understood by others.
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@pathfinder
I'll rather have a cookie (colored green for safety reasons - I can be awfully distracted at times and there's more than one box around!) and hug a plushie, but by all means indulge.
That need to justify everything in "responsible adult" terms instead of just accepting the way I think is far too familiar. It's odd as well - I used to be a child that was way too responsible for their age, now I'm an adult who really has to work to "adult properly".
@actuallyautistic
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@DL1JPH @actuallyautistic
Same! Although, at least in some respects, I'm trying to see the failure to adult as more of a source of pride, than despair.
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@pathfinder
I'm not particularly concerned about being "weird" - but I do find the observation interesting, even more so because it seems very common among autistic people. Born old and never grew up.
@actuallyautistic
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@DL1JPH @actuallyautistic
I think for many of us as children, our need to mask made us develop an over-developed sense of doing things "right" and appearance being everything. It made us appear, at least, older than our years.
Add in, what is adult for an autist? And do any of us really know what it looks like. I personally think that our sense of wonder and joy, the peculiarly puckish nature of our humour and our never ending curiosity is perfectly good adulting.
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@pathfinder @DL1JPH @actuallyautistic Yeah, I was called "lillgammal" (literal translation: young-old", meaning someone that acts a lot older/more mature than their years).
And also, up until a couple of years ago, my analytical sense (which I turned against both myself and others) was called "over-analysing" and "second-guessing". One of my favourite advantages of talk therapy I went through was that she framed it as "thoughtful" and said it was a good thing.
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@melindrea @DL1JPH @actuallyautistic
People are more likely to refer to the conclusions of my analytical self as, over-cynical. But yes, they rarely like that I emphasise the rational and logical, over the emotional.
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic I wasnβt feeling so hot so I ate half a platter of cookies and I feel better. It was merely a half a plate ! So satisfying π
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic itβs all comes down to balanceβ¦just make sure to flush the system!
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