Mark, owner of Smashwords: π¦ Okay Draft2Digital, I'll sell you my company whose userbase is full of the kinkiest people you can possibly imagine, but you've gotta promise to let them continue being kinky
Draft2Digital: π΄ oh we promise
π¦ And don't do anything too fucked up, alright?
π΄ we promise
π¦ OK
New email, from: π΄ subject: AUTHOR POLL on attractiveness of mousetrap; is this mousetrap hot enough to fuck? Have your say here
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π° lowering dick slowly towards gaping mousetrap I know you think I shouldn't do this, but have you considered that NOT doing this would actually be problematic?
π¦πΊπ¦π« cries of anguish and DON'T DO IT etc
π° Bigots. You're all bigots. K-SNAP OW WHAT THE FUCK
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π¦πΊπ¦π« WE TOLD YOU IT WOULD HURT
π° STOP BEING CLASSIST
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Subway Tooter is honestly the best Fedi app for a whole list of reasons, but high up on that list is the ability to have threads open in tabs that you can pin so they don't close accidentally. You can even set colours for those tabs so you can find them more quickly, for when you want to add to them.
π° Dan why is this relevant to the mousetrap thread
π¦ I'LL STOP POSTING ABOUT IT WHEN THEY STOP DOING IT
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π¦ dick snuffling and leaping around inside boxers What is it, boy? What do you smell?
π pointing at a mousetrap surrounded by mangled bits of π and people clutching their crotches and groaning like at the end of that Robocop fan remake scene, you know the one WUFF BORK WROFF
π¦ Ooh, I really shouldn't...
π whimper whimper whine
π¦ Aw hell with it, GO GIT 'EM BOY
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Nextcloud Man: π Google and Microsoft want you to stick YOUR dick in THEIR mousetrap.
π¦ What, that's absurd.
π It certainly is, friend. Why would you stick your dick in a mousetrap that someone else controls?
π¦ Yeah exactly, thank you for making sense, lately it seems like the whole world's gone mad
π Using our open-source software, YOU control the dick mousetrap
π¦ ...what
π Stick your dick in your OWN mousetrap
π¦
π Take back control
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π Nextcloud users, we hear you loud and clear. We hear your yelps of agony.
π We hear your anguished cries of "WHY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHY"
π And we want to let you know that sticking your dick in this is purely optional!
π¦ is that why you placed it cocked and ready right at crotch height
π For your convenience and empowerment.
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π looking down at a barely-recognizable swollen purple mass wrapped thrice around the business end of a bloodied mousetrap You see what the problem is here, don't you.
π¦ Yes, everybody sees the problem except you
π Hm. Yeah, it's obvious in hindsight.
π¦ waits for it
π This mousetrap isn't open-source
https://mastodon.xyz/@nextcloud/113384968001408903
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πΏ Talk me through what happened here, mister Proton.
π¦ Well doc, I went and stuck my left ball in the AI mousetrap
πΏ I see, and your right testicle?
π¦ Bitcoin
πΏ Yes, I thought it might be something like that when I heard you coming down the hall.
π¦ 'cause of the clapping
πΏ The wood-on-wood clapping sound, yes, from not one but two mousetraps, extraordinary. So obviously you'd like these removed.
π¦ Oh hell no. No, I just wanted your advice, I wanted to know whether these'd interfere with the big one.
πΏ The big one?
π¦ Yeah, the big one, hang on I got a picture on my phone. Here. Ain't it a beaut.
πΏπ Mister Proton, this appears to be a picture of a bear trap.
πΏπ It has "MAGA" written on it.
πΏπ In what appears to be gold Sharpie. Mister Proton -
π¦ Now I know what you're thinkin', but lemme stop you there.
πΏ
π¦
πΏ Go on?
π¦ What
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π¦ SHIT SHIT SHIT JOHNSON GET IN HERE
π sir
π¦ OUR STOCK PRICE IS IN FREEFALL
π¦ A TRILLION DOLLARS JUST DISAPPEARED JOHNSON
π sir?
π¦ SOMEONE'S GIVING AWAY THE DICK MOUSETRAP FOR FREE
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π© You look like you've just had a bollocking
π I don't understand it. I don't understand anything that's happening.
π© There there.
π© You're normal.
π© It's not understandable.
π I thought our mission was to snap everyone's dicks, and now everyone can get their dick snapped, surely we should be rejoicing
π© Oh honey
π© It was never about snapping dicks.
π© I mean, who wants their dick snapped? Do YOU want your dick snapped?
π I mean... I kinda went along with it, but I didn't really no
π© Honey, it was about the waste. Here, have a tissue. Remember the monkey pictures? And the proof-of-waste coins that weren't real?
π Kinda?
π© The waste was the point, dear. The inefficiency was what made it so that only the very rich had the money to burn to run the machines. If you take away the waste, if the dick mousetrap machine becomes more efficient, then you just have a bunch of mangled dicks and nobody making any money.
π So now that sticking your dick in a mousetrap doesn't burn irreplaceable resources, the dick mousetrap factory owners are finally wondering whether anyone wants to stick their dick in the mousetrap?
π© That's right, dear. That's where all the money's gone. Now take a breath. Wipe those eyes. Shoulders back and chin up high.
π© The people with the deep pockets will be moving on to the next scam, and this time you're going to get a piece of it.
π© You've got a better mousetrap to build.
π© Kiss me you animal.
π©β€π
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πΏ Mister Proton, I'm writing you a prescription for bankruptcy. You can pick it up after three.
π¦ Thanks doc
πΏ Not at all. Kindly send Mister Wordpress in on your way out.
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π¦ Now pay attention, you at the back. whips pointing stick against blackboard THIS SHAPE. Knowing this shape will save you all your dicks.
π΄ That's not a shape
π¦ I can't draw.
π¦ I can't read your writing
π¦ Yeah my handwriting's bad too. Anyway look at the previous three mousetraps
π You need to start putting these on the board
π¦ I'm trying to save your dick here. Anyway, first mousetrap, cryptocurrency, used VAST AMOUNTS OF ELECTRICITY, to do, anyone?
πΌ Crime
π¦ Excellent, perfect, next one, VAST AMOUNTS OF ELECTRICITY to do,
π Ugly monkeys
π¦ Brilliant, now you're getting it, then what happened?
πΌπ Vast amounts of electricity
π¦ To do?
π· Wrong answers!
π¦ YES! Good god you lot are clever
π¦ So the next mousetrap's also gonna use enormous amounts of electricity to do something ridiculous that nobody wants.
π¦ That's it! That's what I've been -
π¦ We know.
π¦ ...sorry?
π Dude everybody knows. You're preaching to the choir.
π¦ ...oh.
π΄ Yeah if you wanna save some dicks go talk to CEOs.
π¦ No, I don't care about their dicks, honestly I think it's funny when they take turns trying to fuck the mousetrap
π You should write a book.
π¦ ...I should!
π You should!
π¦ I will! I'll call it "The Shape Of The Mousetrap: How To Avoid Falling For The Next Big Tech Scam" and I'll sell it as an epub for ten grand a copy, and all the ceos will buy it! I'LL BE THE DICK MOUSETRAP! ME!
π Great idea! You should end this lesson and write that book!
π¦ CLASS DISMISSED!
π... thank you, π
π quickest way to shut him up tbh
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See accompanying illustration, Figure 1
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π¦ betcha THIS thread won't get posted to one of those proper websites
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I HAVE BEEN WRITING THIS THREAD SINCE THE TWENTY FIFTH OF JULY TWO THOUSAND AND TWENTY FOUR
AND THE DICKS KEEP GOING IN THE MOUSETRAPS
DESPITE ALL MY WARNINGS
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A trillion dollars disappeared in a day because someone made a garbage generator that uses fewer irreplaceable natural resources than the current garbage generators, and that makes me think about cobblestones.
Remember cobblestones? You could hook your computer up to a big distributed science project, there were tons to choose from, you could fold human proteomes, you could search for extraterrestrial intelligence, you could map cancer markers, develop better solar cell materials, all sorts of stuff. It took the form of a screensaver - whenever you weren't using your computer your CPU fans would spin up and you'd be folding. Move your mouse and it pauses. Great stuff. Something useful for your computer to do when you step away for a minute.
Anyway, you'd get credit for the work your computer had done. Cobblestones, they were called. They were never used as currency, they were just to show off. A cobblestone was a kind of receipt to show that your computer had done something useful.
We never used cobblestones as currency, but we could've. Instead we got bitcoin, which is a receipt that shows that your computer made a bitcoin. What's the bitcoin for? Being a receipt that your computer made a bitcoin.
It served as proof that you'd wasted some electricity.
Proof of waste.
There's other cryptocurrencies as well, some of which work differently to the proof of waste system, and those are worthless, because they're not proof of waste.
The waste is the point.
Now we get this market crash today, money disappeared, because the new AI thing is roughly as pointless as the old one but nowhere near as wasteful.
The waste, is the point. We saw it with cryptocurrencies and we saw it with NFTs and we see it with AI.
The waste has to be the point, because to some people, waste equals scarcity equals wealth equals power. The waste has to be the point because the machines that process the pointlessness have to be expensive, have to be owned by someone, have to be inaccessible to the average person, have to be manufactured and sold and rented out, the means of production of the pointlessness has to be in the right hands. The waste has to be the point, because otherwise we would've decided years ago that a cobblestone was worth a twentieth of a nice sandwich.
The waste is the point.
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Now I wrote that last post using bog-standard unremarkable dirty tricks to get you all riled up and seething at the injustice of it all. Keep repeating the same sentence structures, the same sentences even, chanting, striking rhythmic blows on a hammer to push the idea deeper in, make it want to come out the other side, make you want to boost it, share it, spread it around.
And if you boost that toot, then it'll go far.
And other people might read it.
And they might nod to themselves and think "I'll boost this toot too."
And then, my friends.
Then.
π¦ They might scroll back to the beginning of this thread
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π΅ When you wish upon a star
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I absolutely brought this on myself so I will calmly resist the urge to Reply to the Guys telling me how the stock market works with "sir this is the genital injury thread"
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@ifixcoinops as the saying goes: "you can't put a dick in a cobblestone" Β―_(γ)_/Β―
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@malte @ifixcoinops and it continues "but you can put a cobblestone in a dick". And that explains much of the state of the world today.
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@malte @ifixcoinops that saying has weak dick energy.
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@malte now that sounds like a dare
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@ifixcoinops "constant dicking wears the rock"
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@ifixcoinops @janeadams
π¦ you hear about π¦'s new gambit?
π what is it?
π¦ something about building a better mousetrap
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I think I might be a little bit in love with @ifixcoinops
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@ifixcoinops I scrolled back to the begining of the thread. I was not disappointed
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@ifixcoinops this thread is immortal, thank you for gracing the fediverse with it
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@ifixcoinops
Got me. Just so. Went back to the beginning of the thread. I've now learned more than I really wanted to know about dick traps. Thanks.
Though auto-carrot (sic) tried to capitalize "Dick" and now I'm thinking that's the name of the CEO. "Dick Traps."
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@ifixcoinops It happened that way to me, and I'm... well... uh... Hi, how ya doing?
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@ifixcoinops The best analysis of the AI scamboom Iβve read, and it was in service of a thread about dicks in mousetraps. This is what the fediverse is all about, I salute you π«‘
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@ifixcoinops π» did exactly that
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@ifixcoinops
repeat same sentence structure... same sentence, even... rhythm... repeat same sentence...
πΟ(β’α΄β’ΰΉ)οΎοΎοΎοΎ
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@ifixcoinops Yep, I'm in the middle of moving away from Gmail. :blobfoxhappy:
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@ifixcoinops π well we must do what has to be done I suppose! nothing for it
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@ifixcoinops the tech bros aren't finished yet, the mousetraps will be busy, and I'm investing in healthcare startups focused on new penile reconstruction techniques.
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@ifixcoinops
GDP treats damage to be repaired as line goes up. That's how genital injury helps the stock market.
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@elithebearded @ifixcoinops
Kicking folks in the balls to improve economic prosperity sounds like an idea whose time has come in this age of three ringed circus run by a head clown.
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@ifixcoinops I boosted, went to the thread start, read it all, and can't stop giggling! "Dick mousetrap" is a perfect metaphor for these waste-creating tech... And the immaturity of the concept is in line with the immaturity of the tech billionaires!
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@ifixcoinops I have zero regrets.
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@ifixcoinops I read the whole thing π’
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@ifixcoinops OH it's THIS thread, wonderful :ms_robot_grin:
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@ifixcoinops@retro.socialz
You
Are.
THE BEST.
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@ifixcoinops What a ride. Careful out there today
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@ifixcoinops that's a really good point. we have to be channeling all that extra wealth and productivity from the past century's technology into something --- and since it's not going to real people, of course it must go to waste.
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@ifixcoinops Corollary: introducing a more efficient tool will just lead to greater waste generation elsewhere
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@ifixcoinops I'm not imagining those being things we did? this isn't some crap digging though my brain to make the simulation echo chamber more 'comfortable' while I remember the green room lab running the seti@home stuff in the 90s?? Because lately, i'm not sure.
not intended as a 'replyguy'; it's a genuine question because [PERSONAL_REASONS] =(
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@cyanautik Oh heck I even integrated my web game with it and gave folks in-game currency for mapping cancer markers, I still do. Well, I still would, except World Community Grid was down for most of December
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@ifixcoinops new favourite phrase:
Proof of Waste
Can't believe it took 13+ years to enter my vocabulary.
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@craige @ifixcoinops Isn't it "funny" that in the past of computing, we had more meaningful problems which we solved, more stuff which was decentralized and now we got the opposite. This crap is so centralized, so expensive, so wasteful that only a couple of tech owners can steer them.
And back then there were less ridiculous amounts of money pushed around, all which could be used for something way more useful like ending hunger or increasing education.
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@craige @ifixcoinops I could have had a fully 10 years fully financed (flat, food, travel) and tuition for some university with just a bread crumb amount of what those people lost during a day.
My whole existence with travelling and farting around sitting in a chair and being a "philosopher" would be dust particles when considering these amounts.
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@ifixcoinops
I was also folding many years ago ... everybody was folding at the University
Bitcoin?
51% attack on Bitcoin occurs when a single entity or group gains control of more than 50% of the network's computing power (hash rate).
there's nothing that could be done
The 51% attack vulnerability in Bitcoin is inherent to the Proof-of-Work (PoW) consensus mechanism it uses.
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@ifixcoinops this is a very, very good post.
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@ifixcoinops @onepict i don't know of any way to use cobblestones as currency but if you have a link i'd love to read it
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@beka_valentine @ifixcoinops @onepict
There actually is a thing called FoldingCoin whose 'proof of work' is based on finding new proteins:
https://www.centralcharts.com/en/559171-folding-coin/informations
Don't know if it ever caught on.
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@Phosphenes @ifixcoinops @onepict folding coin is a bitcoin derivative that glues cobblestones onto a cryptocurrency. i doubt it's what was meant
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@ifixcoinops 100% this.
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@ifixcoinops
Somehow this makes me think of Mad Max where petroleum is used in incredibly stupid wasteful ways in a very scarce resources world. The more you waste, the more powerful you show yourself to be.
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@ifixcoinops I took up using Folding@Home on my office PC this Winter because it helped heat my office using less electricity than my radiator (in winter all electronic devices become 100% efficient.)
I'm somewhat salty that projects like Folding@Home lost compute to the crypto coins.
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@ifixcoinops money didnβt disappear, it just changed hands from bulls to bears. Money never just disappears from the stock market. Itβs called a zero-sum game for a reason.
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@ifixcoinops consequences of living in a petrostate.
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@ifixcoinops @kos https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_purpose_of_a_system_is_what_it_does
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@ifixcoinops Please put this on a web page with an URL that can live for decades whether Mastodon makes it or not.
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@ifixcoinops
Money is imaginary.
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Only in the same way that society is imaginary. @ifixcoinops @Walrus
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@BenAveling @ifixcoinops
Oh, one of Thatcher's children!
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@ifixcoinops The trillion dollars didn't disappear though right? People simply cashed out, causing the value of the stock to drop, more people cashed out and it kept dropping. A LOT of people cashed out and left those who weren't fast enough to cash out wondering why the value of their security drastically dropped in value. The money never disappeared though right? Am I misunderstanding something?
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@biri @ifixcoinops yes and no. A lot of electricity was wasted. Not a trillion dollars worth, but still a great deal of it.
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@ifixcoinops see also https://youtubetranscriptoptimizer.com/blog/05_the_short_case_for_nvda
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@ifixcoinops We are the only species knowingly and deliberately hurtling ourselves towards our own extinction. #StaggeringlyStupid #SuperiorSpeciesMyAss #JFC
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@ifixcoinops Let me tell you a mindblowing realization I had the first time I "completed" a game of Transport Fever. I started the way I play any transport game: pick the largest city as a starting point and connect it to closest city. I connected that one to the closest city to it, and so on, breaking ties by prioritizing the largest city. Soon I have a Minimum Spanning Tree, and realize a lot of people are having to do layovers on their trips: their true destination is a city five stops down the line and the line has a weird U shape. There's enough of these that they could, reasonably, fill a train every in-game day. I notice this happens a LOT in my network, so I start closing the gaps and moving trains to them, hoping to optimize vehicle flow and increase passenger satisfaction.
Game Over.
Once the network reached its optimum, it was no longer profitable. Even though every individual train was individually the most efficient it could be both in time and in money, and every passenger's individual trip was the most efficient possible, the network as whole wasn't profitable.
Capitalism requires inefficiency.
Not too much, not too little, but just the right amount. I loaded an old save and simply didn't build two of the new lines, but i did the other eight. Now most of the passengers were happy, and the game allowed me to continue. The "left out" towns still complained, and I could only look at them sadly.
Two years later, I had to do this for real, and explain to the people of a small town how I understood their plight but I couldn't prioritize them or the entire network would come crashing down. Luckily, in real life, the total number of possible routes is kinda infinite, so they did eventually get their transport service, but just the knowledge that the mathematical optimal is there, just unreachable, will forever eat at the back of my mind.
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A trillion dollars disappeared
Fiat has no value.
@ifixcoinops
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@ifixcoinops
mental enshittification
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@ifixcoinops I agree, but money didn't disappear. Some traders agreed to sell propriety titles of a company at a lower price than they bought it, and some traders agreed to buy it. So the sum of the exchange is 0, like in any trade.
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text/gemini
