I found out yesterday that you're meant to wash a bread knife. I was under the impression that because it's only use is cutting bread, you can blow or wipe the crumbs off and put it back in its holder. I've done that with ours for the last 20 years and nobody's got ill.
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When I was 27 I had a falling out with a co-worker. As he was leaving the room I mimed shooting him in the back of the head with a finger gun gesture. A week later he died in a car crash. I haven't done the shooting gesture on anyone since, just in case.
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This Friday we're doing Fesshole LIVE in Leicester - COME.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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I once spent an entire afternoon trying to teach my dog to use a touch screen, only to realize he was just licking the screen for the taste of my fingerprints.
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On a diet, but snacking is such an ingrained habit I had to make compromises. I now buy packets of twiglets and nuts, suck all the flavouring off, and spit the deflavoured snacks into the bin. I'm assuming this still counts as dieting but I don't want to check in case it isnt
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One of my mates, growing up, thought he would be funny and do a shite in a urinal at the cinema. I alerted a member of staff, who said they'd call the police unless he removed it. They didn't even give him gloves so he lifted with his bare hands. My prank was funnier than his
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Despite knowing the route like the back of my hand, whenever I drive to Waitrose I set a Google Map route so I get the 'You have arrived' message when I get there. Damn right I have, families like mine weren't meant to shop in Waitrose
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Shagged my wife on the night of my Grandad's funeral. Felt wrong, but she liked me in my suit and you have to take what you can get. Sorry Grandad.
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I'm at an age where guys send me dick pics on Grindr and I'm wondering if it's OK to ask them where they got their curtains from.
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When I was 9 years old I wanted to be a singer. My father told me that great singers like Freddie Mercury and Whitney Houston had more teeth in their mouths than the average person. So next time I went to the dentist, I asked if he could install extra teeth in my jaw.
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My barber (who is my son's age) always asks what I've been watching. I feel compelled to binge obscure series on various streaming channels between haircuts just to sound cool for 10 minutes.
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I'm retired. I got a phone call at home a few weeks ago from someone reimplementing code I wrote over 20 years ago. There was a comment "now for the tricky bit" followed by about 250 lines of confusing perl. No feature description. No reason. Just my name and a smiley at the end. Sorry.
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Have you confessed on Fesshole yet? Fess now using this form: https://bit.ly/addfess
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In the winter when water is colder coming out of the tap, I fill the kettle before I go to bed so that it warms up to room temperature over night and takes less time to boil in the morning.
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I've developed an addiction to Trebor Extra Strong mints. I bought a pack "for the car" a few months ago. It's now escalated to me crunching through whole packets in minutes several times a day whilst driving, gagging for the ecstasy of a mint induced sneeze.
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👖Fesshole sponsored by Hebtroco. Buy British-made jeans, shirts & hats http://hebtro.co 👖
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Just ate a whole cold jacket potato straight out the fridge. Holding it and taking bites like an apple. 100% will do again.
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I'm still 'it' from the last ever game I played back in 1979. It's haunted me ever since and it's all because my mum called me in for tea before I could get rid it. Who needs a mother like that?
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My kids are aged 8 and 6 and have been toilet trained for quite some time. However, I still keep a potty in the boot for "emergencies". My kids have never used it but comes in useful for me on the side of motorways - much easier to use instead of squatting in a bush.
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My husband is an aspiring screenwriter. He wrote a modern remake of The Office, but most of the staff work from home. It's as horrific as it sounds. He wants my opinion but I don't know how to tell him he's a terrible writer.
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