Look, I'm gonna lay this out on the line:
This place is fucking shit for my mental health.
It's that simple!
And it is not helped that any time I voice this, I get replies which one way or another make it clear it's my problem to solve.
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I don't like being a whiny person, so largely I'm not. I recognize I've won life's lottery in lots of ways and have privileges many, MANY people don't.
But I am still a person.
And while I'm grateful for all the supportive replies I get here, there's sincerely about a 1:1 ratio between those and replies which push me away.
It is simply not fun for me to be here. And I'm damn sure that's not my problem.
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@TechConnectify No, it's not your problem. The internet is a big fat amplifier for idiots. Still love your content, though.
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@root42 @TechConnectify Ditto. Love the content.
Keep being awesome.
Do what keeps you sane and know you're appreciated.
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@root42 @TechConnectify Well said! Couldn't agree more!
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@TechConnectify I just lurk and don’t reply. Oh no I’m replying. Aaggaggaghahahahhahggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. In all seriousness even if it’s a one to one ratio there are probably a bunch of other people who aren’t even going to reply who are definitely thinking yeah that guy is being an asshole.
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@TechConnectify would you say the experience of being on the Fediverse is worse for you than other social media (or potentially different)?
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@athousandcateaus @TechConnectify To add another voice to this, for me personally:
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@TechConnectify Really sad to hear that has been your experience, and you are absolutely correct, it's not your problem to solve. There are pervasive moderation issues and … to be frank, impulse-control issues for a lot of people on here. It's been great having you around here but I wouldn't want you to damage your mental health for our entertainment.
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@TechConnectify recognizing that something is bad for your mental health / well being or just plain not enjoying and saying "no thanks" isn't whining.
It's okay to be an adult, set boundaries, and make a choice. Other people don't have to agree with it.
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@TechConnectify As much as it's nice to see creators and be able to interact with them. It's a privilege and not a right.
I'd be sad to see you leave, but I would absolutely understand it. Do what's best for you, especially for your mental health.
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@TechConnectify
I'm sorry it didn't work out. From what you wrote it's clear (to me at least) mastodon is not OK for big accounts. It's made for small communities and maybe that's ok and we need to live with that.
I've also read plenty of comments about more serious moderation issues, especially black people being arrassed and not having good tools to stop it or limit it. And I think it's related. Maybe in a few years we will grow and make the fediverse a more welcoming place for a wider amount of people with wider needs.
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@TechConnectify You're currently whining about and setting your followers on a person who simply replied to a direct request to watch a Youtube video with their reasons why they won't. They didn't tag you (in fact, if their client works like most, they specifically made an effort not to tag you) and involve you in the conversation.
There are issues with mental health and social media, and perhaps they are not helped by Mastodon's design or community. But "not my problem"? I wouldn't be so sure.
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@sqrt2 Hey!
So, firstly, no they were not asked. Someone simply provided the link, and even qualified it with "if you're into that sort of thing" or something along those lines.
But second... I mean do you really think I'm framing my entire experience on this one single post?
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@TechConnectify @sqrt2
I think that sqrt2's complaint is different: the author of that comment is now getting ~your experience, albeit nearly only on a single comment of theirs.
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@TechConnectify If you feel you need to nitpick whether "It's your lucky day: link to video" in a discussion is a request or merely a strong suggestion to watch that video, I am going to suggest to you that you place the internet device to the side and do something else for the rest of the day.
And no, I don't think you base your framing on a single post. I think you're at this point in a state of mind where you're making things worse for yourself (and in this case, also others).
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@sqrt2 I think "a direct request" which in fact was not is not a simple nitpick, ben.
I have only a mild flavor of fame, but if you can put yourself in my shoes - shoes where you know many people have thoughts about your work which are probably unkind - you might want spaces where you aren't forced to see those thoughts.
And before you nitpick on the whole tagging thing - it went from a "here's a nice mention, let's click through" to "oh christ" real quick.
And I don't like it!
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@sqrt2 I will, as a matter of fact, stop coming here so much.
I mean, I have! I hardly post here anymore. And I'm telling you plainly the reasons why.
And I feel constantly gaslit when I'm here. You are currently contributing to that. I feel the way I do, I've identified why, and I've also made clear some of the things I think need to change.
If the response is "no, you're just doing it wrong" - then I'm gonna GTFO
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@TechConnectify Yes, that's a good idea, actually.
You've replied to me with the, frankly nonsensical, notion that, in the context of the mental health effects of social media, in a discussion between two people that doesn't involve you, it is important what some other person said in reply to what else, but insubstantial that they made an effort not to involve you in that conversation.
If you think the platform should have made sure you can't see it and it didn't, don't use it.
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@sqrt2 that's a whole lotta word salad to say "toughen up"
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@sqrt2 I mean really, you just don't get it.
That's ok, but rather than insist that I wear the shoes you wear and process the world as you do, maybe it would be worth considering that other people are other people.
It is not so easy for me to let this stuff roll off my back, and it's well more than just the one person I end up seeing.
But whatever, it's been clear from the start that you'd rather invalidate my feelings than believe there might be systemic problems with this platform.
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@TechConnectify I don't think you need to toughen up or say your feelings are wrong.
I happen to think that what you want of the platform would require changes that range somewhere between "really hard" and "contravening the entire idea of the architecture".
I also think you're making it worse for yourself, but it's entirely possible that the baseline is already bad enough. And if that's the case, don't use the platform.
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@TechConnectify I am sorry to see you go. I do like reading your posts.
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@TechConnectify Sad to hear; I wish there were some easy (or at least effective) answer. More than ever, we need to be better people, but in many ways that just isn't happening. Still, some people are trying.
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@TechConnectify I think the thing is, if it's hurting you then whatever technical solutions other people have figured out don't really matter.
It seems pretty likely that the user of being a fedi user just doesn't scale well.
I am a fan. I love that you're here.
But your mental health has got to come first.
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@TechConnectify I would be sorry to see you go. I'll still obsessively watch both your channels because They Are Wonderful, but will miss you here. Please come back in some future where both this is a better place and you actually feel like it.
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@paulehoffman @TechConnectify
My first experience on this platform was VERY unpleasant and unwelcoming.
Twitter has since sunk to lower lows, and this place has improved from a web platform technology perspective.
I don't predict the "you should be using Arch Linux" aspect of this place will change. But given the alternatives, it's where I am. 🤷♂️
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@TechConnectify I have found that my best fedi experience is to stick to a small group of people that I actually like. Something that is almost impossible for you.
I enjoy seeing your posts and wish that the fediverse could be better for you
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@TechConnectify sorry to see you go but also completely understandable, you shouldn't have to put up with this
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@TechConnectify Block the haters? That's what raises the floor for my feed.
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@BalooUriza @TechConnectify
Alec: Doesn't want to be told that it's his problem to fix
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@CubWiFi I saw it more as sidestepping the problem but OK. Not sure why you've been hard on me specifically a lot lately.
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@BalooUriza I’ve definitely had some hard disagrees lately
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@CubWiFi It's not the disagreement part that I have a problem with, it's the "being an asshole about it" part.
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@TechConnectify I enjoy reading from you. I would be sad if you left.
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@TechConnectify I will admit that I had a view of it being "your" fault until you elaborated more. With all of the stuff I've seen around I'm surprised that there aren't more tools for this stuff with how Fedi is supposed to be all of the smart weird people.
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@gudenau Frankly, the fact that the culture here expects there to be tools you bolt-on to make this work the way you need it to is a big part of the problem.
"Works on my machine" is a delightful way of ensuring you don't take ownership of issues.
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@TechConnectify "Works on my machine" is fine for projects that only have a few users, this is far beyond that scope.
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@TechConnectify Heck, I've had some projects with a dozen users and I've actually fixed things....
The more I think about this the more I realize that for Fedi to get bigger than it is it really needs someone that cares more at the helm of one of the biggest projects.
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@TechConnectify Mental health is important and you should do what's best for you. But, you will be missed if you leave.
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@TechConnectify I know this is just a whispering voice from the ether, but, I have greatly appreciated your content and the time and effort it takes to create it. Look after yourself and do what's best for you.
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@TechConnectify
Holy shit, 1:1 ratio ratio?
That's so much worse than I expected.
This platform hides so much from so many.
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@ftg I feel I need to clarify what I mean by "push me away"
I use the term "gaslit" a lot here and, well, that's because there's a lot of people who will respond to my negative experiences with what I would call very qualified empathy.
Something like "I'm sorry you're experiencing this, have you tried X?" is not really what I need in the moment. It's "works on my machine" but said only slightly more tactfully.
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@ftg I understand where this comes from - people who believe in this place want me to stay here.
But what I'm trying to articulate is that expecting me to patch this place up to meet my needs is an unreasonable expectation. This is plainly evident to me, and it's really the whole "just pick an instance! it doesn't matter. but also it does!" confusion rehashed without any understanding of what that was so off-putting in the first place.
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@TechConnectify
Expecting everyone to manually un-fuck things on a site is very much not the way to go.
"just pick an instance! it doesn't matter. but also it does!"
Yep, mine filters mastodon.social.
And I often get to click "Open Original Page" to properly see all the replies in a thread, because it's normal for for quarter to half of them to be just missing and not loading.
I recently also got some replies that just did not show up at all for me.
Replies to me.
Others did see them.
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@ftg @TechConnectify yeah, adding to the problem is that it's not even clear on here WHEN it's actively preventing you from doing things. You can just miss a load of stuff with no explanation or notice, without anyone ever asking if that's what you wanted
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@ftg @TechConnectify actually the problem is the opposite, that it doesn’t hide enough. It’s set up to show you every reply to everything you’ve done ever. Which is fine if you are a normal person with a normal number of followers but it makes this place hell for people like Alec with a ton of followers.
For most people the “see everything in chronological order” is a feature. It’s what people miss from old Twitter and Facebook. But it just doesn’t scale to popular people. They need moderation
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@TechConnectify it's really frustrating to hear of this sort of thing continually happening -- and it must be even more frustrating and dispiriting for you. I hope things can get better, even if it seems unclear how, exactly. Your work has really meant a lot to me, and I'm not exaggerating when I say it's helped me look at the everyday tech around us in a completely different way -- thank you!
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@TechConnectify I appreciate you giving it a try and sticking it out, but your mental health is more important. We've got plenty of other ways to follow your work :blobcathearthug:
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@TechConnectify I love that you're on here, you're genuinely someone who i parasocially vibe with pretty strongly.
Your mental health comes first, and while we will miss you, you don't deserve the abuse you get just for being well-known on this space.
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@TechConnectify
I have opined many times that some very simple sorting would help a lot with that. Even just being able to sort replies by 'most favourited' would sink the worst negativity to the bottom.
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@TechConnectify ☹️☹️☹️☹️
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@TechConnectify please don’t go! I find your videos invaluable. Honestly the way you explained heat pumps and bimetallic strips has literally helped me understand what’s wrong with certain electronics.
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@TechConnectify is/was Twitter better? I’m curious because I think they had controls to filter out certain kinds of content automagically, and I wonder if that plays a part.
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@TechConnectify if this is just an extension of youtube comment hell, then it is indeed of no use.
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@TechConnectify I'm sorry you have this experience, and I'm glad you're talking about it.
I believe this is not unrelated to the problem Black people face in the fediverse.
The technology combined with types of people who choose to be here seem to make it amplify some awful forms of interaction.
Make whatever choices you need to make for your own mental health. You owe mastodon nothing.
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@TechConnectify I really enjoy the work you do
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@TechConnectify Dang man. Sorry to hear that. For what it's worth I appreciated being able to have conversations with you and I hope I didn't come off as a pain in the ass or anything!
I don't have a Youtube account to promote and I'm not internet famous at all so I can largely moderate my exposure to things like social media by simply not visiting, and even still I feel the need to stop going in the comments for my mental health sometimes.
Take 'er easy.
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@TechConnectify Since I can't add much to the discussion on the moderation and hostility problems on this platform I just want to try to tilt the ratio to 1:1.00001 to the supporting side.
Love your work and I'm impressed and thankful for especially how deep you follow the rabbits hole for topics that others may find ridiculous.
Your dedication makes your videos unique and not just another "explainer" channel.
If it reduces pressure on your mind, I support any decision you end up with!
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@TechConnectify
Man, it just saddens me that you have to deal with this stuff.
Maybe social media was just a bad idea no matter how, where or who makes it.
As soon as a certain amount of "attention" is gained the rats gather to ruin everyone's day. :c
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@TechConnectify it’s sad because I don’t think the other options are even worth considering currently, but we all have different needs and experiences so I get it if you’re not going to keep posting here :(
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@TechConnectify I have nothing to say except I'm sorry this place is like this for you. I don't see any of it, but that's because I don't have a shred of fame or really many connections at all. But I occasionally see mentions about this phenomenon from various sources (often moderators) and it sucks. I at least hope I'm not ever part of the problem.
By all means, stop coming here if that's your best course of action. I'll miss you, but that's better than you getting hurt/annoyed pointlessly.
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