Someone plays music in the background during a meeting. They ask if it's bothering people. Neurotypical folks on the call quickly speak up and say it's fine.
The autistic person on the call (me):
Meanwhile, no one on the call even realizes something is wrong or that the autistic person just got screwed over, completely by accident.
[#]Disability
[#]Accessibility
[#]AccessibilityMatters
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic
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@actuallyautistic This isn't an occasional thing. This sort of silent sidelining of our needs happens literally every day, though the details vary. The end result is a feeling of being trapped and your own needs not mattering. There's also a massive load of stress from dealing with these situations, which results in perpetual fatigue & low energy, a weakened immune system, and often depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. And then we are blamed for not paying attention or not being engaged enough. It's a perpetual snowball effect.
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@actuallyautistic
Little things done to be respectful of others' needs have an outsized positive impact on other people's lives -- especially those of us who don't fit in as well, and have unusual needs that others overlook on a regular basis.
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@actuallyautistic
Addendum: Please do not come into my mentions and tell me I should have spoken up. Like many autistic people, I can be slower to process verbal communication. By the time I realized what was happening, everyone else had already answered, and the conversation had moved on. The person who was playing the music already knows I'm autistic. The whole reason for my post is to address the general ignorance I find in society surrounding the impacts of these sorts of behaviors on autistic people. I am speaking up, in other words. Right here, right now. My hope is that more people will think twice about doing this sort of thing in the first place, before it becomes an awkward and stressful situation where the onus for correcting the problem falls squarely on the very person who has a disability affecting social communication.
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@actuallyautistic Meeting with the same group of people today, and someone was speaking loudly in the background. I posted a message in the meeting chat explaining that I can't separate foreground from background and asking that noise be limited when possible. This was a lot easier of a social situation, since I didn't have to confront or appear to blame a specific person. They said they would try to limit background noise in the future, so potential big win there.
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@hosford42 @actuallyautistic Thank you for raising this.
I’m in this situation SO MUCH it feels like my general life experience sometimes.
Interrupting a group to speak up late is an absolute nightmare to consider. I’ve even been dismissed when doing this, JUST because it’s late. Or, worse, people think the late timing must mean I am trying to crack a joke by deliberately interrupting someone versus speaking up sooner. Mostly, I’ll be assumed to be the problem person because I was late to speak, interrupted someone talking, sounded “moody” (actually, stressed, but allistics don’t interpret autistics well at ALL), and therefore I must just have an “attitude problem” so it’s safe to ignore me or state that “the majority is fine with it”… argh. Even without the music, I’ll not process a single thing for that meeting due to the stress of interrupting, the social repercussions and so on.
I’m exploring having someone advocate for me - but this involves needing to know every potential issue in advance in order to brief the advocate about them. It’s just not possible. This situation is a great example of that - I’d never expect music to be played in the background of a meeting as it’s usually seen as unprofessional, and an advocate may not recognise the problem as it’s so unusual and they may even enjoy the music so be distracted by that (advocates are human, too).
Perhaps a meeting “norm” should be always being able to communicate in written form as this should not disrupt speakers but could give more time to respond for those of us who need it.
Another reasonable adjustment I’ve heard of is having a notetaker present in the room to take notes for someone. That could help with understanding what happened afterwards, but it does not help with interacting in the meeting itself, which still wouldn’t be possible.
Anyway, kudos for speaking up about this here. I’m going to chat with some others about this too and try to spread the word.
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@AnAutieAtUni @actuallyautistic I wish that all meetings could be in written form, but I know people will never agree to that. What's the protocol for when a deaf person is on the team? At the least, I would think it would include providing an interpreter. But because I can technically hear, it's assumed that I can use what I hear, which simply isn't the case. I have more in common with deaf and HoH people than neurotypical hearing people. I could use an interpreter -- someone who could translate between verbal and written communication for me. But I doubt that will ever be offered or allowed. And I would face stigma for being "inconvenient" if I insist.
I look forward to the day when speech-to-text and text--to-speech technology is reliable and fast enough to use in real-time settings. Maybe then I can have an automated interpreter and just turn my sound off altogether.
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@hosford42 @actuallyautistic Thanks for sharing and raising awareness! It can be hard to speak up even if you have the best communication skills. Not everyone is good at taking feedback. I think it is very important to be considerate when participating in meetings. Background noise, even if it is pretty music, is a bad idea. Many struggle with background noise for various reasons and it ought to be normal politeness to ensure that the environment is quiet and distraction-free
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@hosford42 @actuallyautistic my honest questions as a neurotypical, even if sometimes I have similar issues (but not so acute, I guess) are:
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@mdione @hosford42 @actuallyautistic a simple solution would be to allow other communication channels (e.g. some form of direct message) and explicitly express that it's also okay to get in touch later if someone notices it bothers them. This is inclusive to many people.
It's impossible to predict all sensory and trauma-related needs. Therefore it's important to give people the opportunity to let themselves be heard in multiple ways to be as inclusive as possible. -Vox
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@mdione @actuallyautistic I think limiting background noise in general is helpful to most people, disability or no. I also find it very helpful if communication is in written form as much as possible, as it can be hard to parse people's words even under ideal conditions.
If I don't know your needs, how do I find out?
By asking questions! Exactly as you're doing right now. :) Speaking for myself and quite a few other autistic people I've talked to, the number one best way to accommodate autistic people better is to learn more about autism. Ignorance about autism is widespread and profound, and it feels like an uphill battle every day just trying to get people to have a basic understanding of it. When people ask me questions about it, I find it downright refreshing. It's like hitting the easy button for me, because the person wants to hear what I have to say. Normally, I have to worry about stepping on toes when I talk about it, which is extra stressful for someone with a social disability.
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