Today’s 3 Good Things:
Submitted the coursework! Yay! Already enjoying the next piece. Coding is like a game to me! I love it! I devour the challenges!
Reaching out to other students directly and individually seems to be a successful strategy for making connections and getting a sense of community among us remote students.
Remembering that gratitude keeps me from “struggle-striving”, which to me means an unending unpleasant quest for more. Yes, I want more of various things, but I want to remain centred first. “Enough really IS enough!”
[#]3GoodThings
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
Gorgeous blue sky and sunlight. Not expected, but a wonderful help today.
Working on new skillsets to ensure my work is sustainable (for me). The goal is to prevent burnout, stress and subsequent health consequences, while remaining damn good at what I do. So, a balance. Argh! No idea how to achieve this right now! But determined. This is a ‘forever’ skill.
Receiving love, unexpectedly. And understanding. I’m so grateful!
[#]3GoodThings
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@actuallyautistic Further to my post above:
I have a piece of coursework that is done. But I also have an opportunity to find out if I missed something or could improve it somehow in the next day or two.
WHY can I not just submit it NOW?
I am getting on with the next coursework already, and there are no deadlines so nothing is lost by waiting a bit… BUT I need to just submit work that I know deep down is “enough”. 😤
…EVEN when I strongly suspect I could do better. THIS part is the kicker.
When I know for sure that I can do better, and yet I must actively turn down that opportunity in favour of getting sh!t done sooner. THIS is the goal.
And I could have stopped working on that coursework 2-3 weeks ago and it would have been enough, even back then. So this has been time wasted. Sure, I’ll get a better grade as a result of putting in more work, maybe even Distinction level grades (highest)… but for what? That is not why I’m doing this course. I don’t need high grades. I plan to continue learning after the course and for the rest of my career.
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How to focus on anything right now with what’s happening in the world…?
(Rhetorical question, really! Not expecting an actual answer.)
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Reaching out to @actuallyautistic to see if anyone has had experience of learning how to do “enough” work rather than their “best” work, which comes naturally to them. (Note: I am not referring to perfectionism here. This about breaching personal values related to integrity).
Integrity is the number 1 value I live by in my life.
BUT, I realise now that I need to learn how to care less about doing my “honest best” in work (university studies and jobs) and find a way to do work that is only “enough”, which will be below my honest best. This feels AWFUL to contemplate. It feels dishonest, like lying, like even poisoning my own career. But there are strong reason for wanting to attempt this that have been building my whole life.
Knowing how to only do “enough” or only a little more than enough, versus doing much more when we have the ability to do so …is a skill. Some people do this intuitively. I’ve watched and admired them because they also seem to have a better life balance because of it. But I would bet a large number of autistics are like me: I default to doing my honest best, which is usually much more than is required or that someone else would do, even if it risks burnout or worse.
In an ideal world, I’d love to continue doing my honest best, always. That brings me a sense of pleasure and peace. But I cannot do this under time pressure. And I do not have all the time in the world.
While it’s great my quality of work is high, the cost of doing this to a deadline is far too great and will make my health decline if I don’t stop this right now.
In business and related areas, there is a very old framework for thinking of this. It uses a triad of concepts:
In this framework, you can only have a maximum of two of those three concepts at their optimum, so at least one will always suffer.
The idea is that you get strategic and pick what is most important to preserve, versus finding out the hard way that it’s very difficult, if not impossible, to “have it all”!
Using this framework in this context, the “quality” of my work is high. But right now that is leading to either very poor “speed” or “cost”. If I work slowly (I.e. this is the part that suffers) then I can preserve my health and don’t risk burnout, while also keeping my work quality high. The problem is that I am borrowing from my future: by extending the duration of my flexible self-paced course, I am delaying the time until I can graduate and get a job (which is not possible alongside studies). At worst, I will come up against the hard deadline of my course (its maximum duration) and have to rush the final work, anyway.
If I speed up my work and try to keep the quality high like it is now (quality means here doing my honest best; not perfection), I get sick and FAST. The deterioration is massive. This doesn’t just impact my studies (cannot study at all), but impacts the rest of my life and relationships. The “cost” here isn’t exactly financial, not directly anyway, but it is expensive in terms of the widespread negative consequences.
So, I want to lower my quality of work. Because this way I should be able to work more quickly, avoid costs to my health, AND graduate sooner and so earn money sooner. I also hope this will help me keep a good quality of life, and even help me feel good about progressing at a steady pace (versus very slow).
Also, I don’t NEED high grades. I did that for my undergraduate degree and it was unexpected, and it has given me a huge boost. This Masters degree can be a pass or a Merit at best is fine. I do not need a Distinction.
I do not currently possess the skills or mindset or whatever to work to a lower standard by choice. But I want to. I need to.
This is about self preservation. This is about keeping perspective.
I love my studies and care about them, so by default, that equates to always doing my best, not matter what else suffers. How do I change this view to… loving and caring for my studies, but not going further than what is necessary to progress? I’m not talking about barely scraping by with a pass, but doing enough to meet the course requirements in a respectable, average way. And also know I can do better.
I should not need to do my best work for a purpose that no one else cares about! I want to save my best work for me, and only do “enough” elsewhere.
If you are someone who has found this intuitive to do, please be sensitive in your replies as when I have spoken to people who find this relatively simple, they tend to not realise how damn hard it is for the rest of us. So, I’d really rather hear from anyone who has actively gone from where I am now to where I want to be. I’d love to hear how you did it, any tips, resources, advice… whatever you can think of.
How do I make peace with doing work that I know is below the quality of what I can do? (Again, I am not aiming for perfect, only my own personal, honest best.)
EDIT to add: I do not currently have a job, no boss, no deadlines or anything like that. I’m seeking advice for coursework for my university degree course. What I learn now I intend to apply to jobs in the future, but I need to build these skillsets in my coursework right now FIRST.
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
Hair is blue again! Yay! Why do I feel so good when my hair is blue?! I don’t get it, but I’m rolling with it! (Just the ends of my hair are blue, and only temporary “hair makeup”, and/but I love it.)
Current coursework is ready to submit! ARGHH! 😅 (and yay… and eek…)
Body weight strength training is still going really well. It’s incredibly slow, but I feel the difference within me. The daily micro efforts over the last 13 months have all been worth it!
[#]3GoodThings
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
New shoots coming up from all the bulbs planted last month! Exciting!
Indulging in some adorable and funny Thelwell comic books 🐴 🐎 = horsey therapy.
An unusual one: most people know about “doom scrolling” (scrolling endlessly on social media timelines and making yourself feel worse due to the content there). But I noticed today that my carefully curated social media bubbles actually lift me up! The scientists and nature folx I follow on Bluesky and all the folx here on Mastodon are amazing. Scrolled earlier and immediately felt not alone in my despair at the evolving politics, loads of people supporting each other, and real actions to fight for good. Lots sharing about the good that’s still happening in the world too.
[#]3GoodThings
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Wondering what OS to use on my laptop since Windows is going the direction of enforced AI hell. Just discovered Copilot force-installed on my Win 10 machine. Not happy. Uninstalled but don’t trust it.
Do I go with Linux? I have a bit of experience with it already.
I still need to be able to use MS Office docs and OneNote for my university lecture notes. 🤔 Plus MS Teams for my uni. None of these are optional.
Also: Zoom, Zotero, Steam, Claro accessibility software… and maybe more.
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
Got out to a garden centre yesterday for a quick visit. Why are garden centres so wonderfully calming? (Excluding the massive superstore types that are only barely “garden” themed! 😑)
The TV series, New Amsterdam. Finished it recently, and even though it might be very idealistic (not so realistic) it was a tonic for the soul. Wonderful representation in leading roles, too. It shone a light on other shows that utterly fail at this.
I’ve said I have nearly finished this piece of coursework a few times over the last few weeks, but NOW I think it’s true! Submit this week! 🥳
[#]3GoodThings
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The wind picked up again today and apparently our house has a new whistle!
But where the heck is it coming from?!
Guess who’s going to be playing detective over the coming days until I figure it out! 😁🥸
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
Jigsaw puzzles. Glad they exist as they help calm my mind and give me a sense of control and order when all else is chaotic. Great for ‘parallel play’ too (neurodivergent people often love, even prefer, this style of socialising).
Norman Thelwell (1923 - 2004) and his brilliant drawings of mischievous ponies that I adored as a kid, and his book on a different topic, “Effluent Society” that I just got a copy of. Even in the 70s he saw human’s impact on the environment that many others didn’t see.
Animals. That’s all I need to say really. Animals are amazing. Cannot imagine a world without them.
[#]3GoodThings
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
The people on here who star or boost these posts really help amplify the good vibes! Thank you! I am doing my best to do the same for others as well. 💖
New hair cut has not been traumatic. Kinda like it. Might take some getting used to, but either way, it has been a good excuse to upgrade my ancient claw clips for some nicer ones. Not sure what took me so long.
Stunning sunshine, more visits from coal tits, and just a restful feeling today. Much needed as I seem to keep getting unexpected PEM crashes at weekends and it’s a mild one today.
[#]3GoodThings
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
Learning more and more about Python coding, Pandas, Numpy, unit testing, etc. Good thing I’m enjoying this as I know the learning will never end! 😁
Meeting some friendly neighbours, especially the ones with the loveliest dogs! (I promise, the humans are lovely too… it’s not ALL about their dogs… 🐶)
The coal tits are regular visitors to our yarden now - yay! It’s amazing how just one different feeder attracts different bird species we’ve never seen before.
[#]3GoodThings
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
Dyed the ends of my hair blue (a greeny-blue) and it looks surprisingly good! Would look terrible on me if I had dyed the full lengths of my hair, but the colour contrast seems to work well. Yay! Very happy as I gave myself the goal of dying my hair an unnatural colour after I graduated. My hair is too fine to risk harsh colour treatments without it breaking off, and most colours don’t even suit me. So, this kind of meets that goal, even if it’s only CurlSmith’s wash out-able “hair makeup”!
Got a lot more written for a report for my coding coursework. I’m astonished how much easier it is to write a report than essays. My brain “gets” this!
Had an amazing homemade vegan burger using meat free mince. Yum!
[#]3GoodThings
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
A loved one is taking care of their health. This one might be easy to overlook, but it’s invaluable.
Did a hill walk and all seemed fine! Been a while since I did that walk without struggling with breathlessness (ME/CFS shenanigans).
Just glad for some normality in my calendar for the next couple of weeks. It might not be exciting but it brings some stability.
[#]3GoodThings
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
Seeing (and recognising) coal tits for the first time yesterday! (Photo below)
Fighting off the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness by getting out and watching a talk about UK nature.
Wearing my favourite clothes to give me a mood boost. Today is my T-shirt with cartoon design of “anatomy of a squirrel”!
[#]3GoodThings
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
Found a relatively low-cost moisturiser that works way better than fancy, expensive ones. E45 cream FTW.
Finished a book. Maybe I’m getting better at reading ‘long form’ things? Hope so.
A little bit of sunshine and blue sky. Need it today.
[#]3GoodThings
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
I’m ok. My health may be like a roller coaster, but I’m ok. I may feel behind on my coursework, but I’m ok. I may not be where I want to be in some ways, but I’m ok.
Doing a jigsaw puzzle with unusual shapes and a beautiful design.
Dipping into two lifelong special interests: horses and art. At the moment, this is via other people’s experiences (i.e. vicarious), but it still brings me joy.
[#]3GoodThings
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Me: I reeeaaallly want some of the cake that’s in the next door room.
Sensible me: Yeah, but when you’re sick, sugar makes you sicker… so it’s a no.
Me: But, but, but… I can practically taste it! So I might as well have some?!
Sensible me: Probably better to envision tasting other foods…?!
Me: stroppy toddler face with arms folded
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Today’s 3 Good Things:
An understanding new friend.
Birds happily feeding on the latest top up of bird food.
Cake waiting for me for when I feel better.
[#]3GoodThings
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