In case it's not clear, when a sociopath explains away bad behavior by saying it was "just a joke", they don't mean they were making a joke to be funny. These so-called jokes are a test to see who is in-group and who isn't. If you think it's a good joke, you're part of their group. If you don't think it's a good joke, you're their enemy.
This is why their humor sucks. They're not making jokes to be funny, but to weed out the people who don't think they're funny.
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@joshsusser I hope your autistic readers realize that is not advice for autistic people specifically, that is great advice for everyone
especially younger folks need to explicitly hear it
though, the younger the higher odds they don't need to hear it cuz they know so that's nice
anyways hearing it explicitly empowers a person to call it out for what it is - which will make the "joker" feel super freaking awkward because as soon as at least 2 people are expressing disdain the recipient feels it, and the rest of the crowd - even folks who were laughing a second ago - are very likely to join in, which doesn't just neutralize the bigotry but vaccinates against it. Then everyone knows, make a bigoted joke and there's a risk of getting called out and losing face.
The script I'll try to use is:
"That's bigoted."
"It's just a joke, have a sense of humor."
"By making that joke you're trying to establish that it's fine to act bigoted as long as it's about them."
"It was a joke!"
"It was at best a test to see who you could be bigoted around. We're not here for that."
anyways great advice!
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@datum Yes, this is for everyone (like much of what I write here). I haven't had much success with direct feedback. I like the tactic of asking them to explain the joke and why it's funny. That can trip them up, because then they have to admit what they really mean.
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@joshsusser @datum It just feels so icky when you have to sidle up to them to do that. If you're even a hint of acerbic without playing one-up (their game) that approach cumbles.
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@janisf @joshsusser this is absolutely a fair time to one-up
monkeys learn from what other monkeys express disdain/appreciation for
the only time it's, IMO, ok to domineer a conversation and be quite socially rude is at a time like this
when abandoning fairness in the short view is being more fair at large
"no, you look like an idiot and I will take you down a peg for saying that"
taken down a peg, is harm
be a bigot? face an expectation of social disapproval/harm
"turn the other cheek" doesn't work with a bigot or a sadist, don't try it
do NOT sidle up, do NOT be on their side, literally do not be soft power, be hard power. If the hard power is not that you can evict them but that you can leave, then that's still demonstrating to the other monkeys that they can and will, sometimes, be judged for bigotry.
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@datum @joshsusser It's the right answer, but it's gross. I hate it so bad I just want to weep in their faces, and maybe piss in thier water bottle instead.
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@janisf @joshsusser Yes. I too despise it. But when I have to clean up baby shit I still do the shitty job, because I'm the one with the power to wipe the shit up this time, and if I don't it's gonna make a stink for everyone. 💩
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@datum @joshsusser I've only got so much Lorazepam, but I'm tryin'.
Yes, that abdolutely thecm work that needs doing.
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