I've had a rough couple of days on social media.
I commented some comfort for a trans gal on tiktok recovering from top surgery, and she took the opportunity to blast what I'd said about my boobs all over her feed. I've been getting cis men asking for pics ever since. She's done nothing to moderate the comments.
I asked for help musing about writing yesterday, and on Bluesky I got torn asunder by some random trans people who basically made shit up about what I'd said, insulted me personally, and harassed me until I took it down.
I posted a reminder for folks that the carrier oil in injectable hormones goes bad, and that using it outside of the safety window can be dangerous. I'd missed that the carrier oils varied so much by happenstance--I've been on e cyp, just not the appropriate brand of e cyp to learn this--and someone took it on themselves to hound me even after I pulled the thread down as I put in a shitload of work to try and get information, both from her and through other venues, to verify what she was saying in between the insults.
And for clarity: don't fucking go looking for any of these people or I'll block your ass in an instant. Who they are is not relevant. They could've just been having bad days.
But this is by way of saying:
I'm taking a social media break. I don't know how long it's gonna last. I'm feeling real fucking sore right now.
And regardless of whether it's a bad day thing or it's legit maliciousness, members of this fucking community need to think twice about how they treat each other, because it's been ✨years✨ since a transphobe treated me as badly as I was treated by trans people this week.
And fucking Trump got inaugurated on Monday.
So like
Reflect on that.
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Oh yeah, one more thing.
I'm not walking away from SGW, but it sure as fuck ain't a priority to me right now.
I just had someone ask me if I could ask @twipped to surrender the GDB to someone else after all she's been through and like
Jesus fucking christ, I'm kind of in awe at the entitlement.
And in combination with everything else, it's left me reassessing what place SGW ought to have, and what I should and should not put into it. I built it as a gift of thanks to the community that welcomed and healed me, and a shocking number of people have taken its existence as entitlement to me, and that I have personal obligations to them because it exists.
I've tried to be understanding. People are in weird and hard spots because of the realities of hatching and transition. I get that.
But seriously?
Some people need to learn what a parasocial relationship is.
I'm happy to try and build a friendship with damn near anyone, but if and when people I do not know, or barely know expect and demand we do deeply personal, difficult, or risky shit for them?
What the actual fuck?
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@Impossible_PhD I'm sorry. Doesn't excuse it, but everyone's just on a knife's edge lately. :(
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@Impossible_PhD that sucks. People need to check themselves. I'm so sorry.
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@Impossible_PhD fuck. I’m so sorry. 🫂
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@Impossible_PhD sorry to hear. Wishing you better times!
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@Impossible_PhD
You take care of you. For all that you do for others, you owe it to yourself.
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@Impossible_PhD after all I’ve been through? What have I been through? And why would I surrender it? To whom?
The fuk?
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@twipped you told me about how a number of people had harassed you over the GDB, right? Or am I wildly misremembering?
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@Impossible_PhD well there was the whole thing with r/egg_irl labeling me as transmedicalist and banning links to the site. That sucked, yeah.
But that's about it. In almost every case where someone messages me claiming I've written something wrong, they just don't understand the nuances of what they're talking about.
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@twipped that's what I was meaning
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@Impossible_PhD but still... surrender to who? Aside from translations, nobody even ever makes contributions. I've been working on rewriting the site engine to make that easier, but like... there isn't exactly a lot of people trying to work on it.
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@twipped there were no plans or details.
I'm sorry. I'm probably just out of my mind upset right now.
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@Impossible_PhD right fully so, it sounds like. ❤️
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@Impossible_PhD @twipped
If anything, I feel like I should owe YOU for providing information and advice when I needed it. (and for being a big sister when I was still picking eggshell out of my hair).
The idea that people think that somehow you owe them absolutely makes my jaw drop in shock.
Keeping you and yours in my thoughts. Stay safe!
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@Impossible_PhD I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better. I’m here if you ever want to talk or need anything. 🫂💜
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@Impossible_PhD @twipped I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with that, you absolutely shouldn't be treated that way, and that absolutely fucking sucks.
That's all I've got. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's not right, not fair and it's absolutely bullshit that it happened.
Take care of yourself.
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@Impossible_PhD 🫂
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@Impossible_PhD One of my missions is to make sure we have fewer orphan elephants in the next generations coming up. This is still such a problem and it feels even more crazy-making because all the conversations that were had 2018 - 2020 about this have evaporated into the ether.
It's frustrating and exhausting to have to continuously mother a whole new generation of trans people...but this is the world we live in until enough of us are out here to carry this work together. But let me clarify this point: this is work I've taken on personally as a mission and career - you do not owe this to anyone. You are doing what is your strength. Just spelling out the above to remind those of us that do have the capacity and it's our lane to do to keep picking up the work of bringing our baby transes into actual relationship and compassion within our community because our work will keep re-emerging over and over and over again.
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@Impossible_PhD Also, I'm realizing you're hitting the 4 - 5 year mark...it is a good time to be exhausted and give yourself space for you and your blossoming. You can shift to the back foot for a month, a year, or years. You have given and I know you will come back around to give again. But for now, please rest and care for you and yours. And know I'm here to provide care when you need it 🫂
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@JoscelynTransient honestly? The community that welcomed me feels like it's dying or dead. I've been fighting against this fucking tide, but people want purity these days, and they're knives-out ready to attack anyone who isn't sufficiently perfect for them.
Feeding person after person to the metaphorical woodchipper. Because it makes them feel superior.
It's the tools of our fucking enemies, the tools of white supremacy, and they're taking them up gleefully. Angela Davis warned us in the fucking 80s, and none of us fucking listen.
And we wonder why there's basically no Black trans folks in our spaces. THIS IS FUCKING IT. White people doing this shit.
Fuck.
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@Impossible_PhD @JoscelynTransient Really sorry to see that you're dealing with the purity culture crap that kept me in the closet for so long. And as you well know, none of them have the exact same definition of perfect, so there's no way to get it "right".
You, of anyone do not deserve to have that happen to you.
I know we're not really acquainted, but if you're ever in SE MI, the offer is always on the table to buy you a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever, and hear what else is interesting in your life. Your writings have been so very helpful to me, it's the least I can do.
Get the break you need, lots of us will be waiting for you if you come back, in whatever way you need to be here.
And I'm willing to wager that no matter what that is, we'll be good with it.
Take care.
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@Impossible_PhD Just curious, where are you seeing this loss of community? Is it on here? Or other platforms? Kinda curious as a temperature check since i don’t go near Reddit and a lot of other spaces.
And honestly, part of what is likely going on is he turnover that happens over and over and over again in our online communities.
Don’t know if you remember me talking about it like…I think a year and a half ago?…but it’s been palpable to me the absence and loss of us pre-2020 folks, especially the ones that shaped my earliest online connections in 2017 and 2018. This churn has been going on over and over again - and I think it’s hitting the pandemic cohort now. What you and others want/need from these spaces has gone down a lot as you come into your self and life, and a lot of folks will check out and disappear from online to just live their lives now. This has been compounded as so many online platforms have become threats to us.
This is why you all didn’t have that many experienced voices in place in 2020. And why many of those that supported and inspired me have withdrawn. Like I said, I’m committed to staying in and giving and enduring the backlashes…but I get paid to do that and it’s my primary endeavor. You don’t need to carry that and it’s okay to step back. 💜
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@JoscelynTransient Bluesky is worst rn, but yeah, reddit too. And here, just not as loudly.
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@Impossible_PhD @JoscelynTransient 1000%. White trans women, including me, have got to get our shit fixed before we go swinging at anyone else.
In the meantime: Protect your peace, and take care of you and yours. 🫂✊
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@Impossible_PhD I’m sorry you’ve been treated that way. Thank you for the things you’ve done for the community. It’s helped me a lot personally.
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@Impossible_PhD 😢
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@Impossible_PhD right now more than ever we need to be supporting each other, not causing harm. Thank you for everything you do for our community, hang in there.
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@Impossible_PhD 🫂
Always here to talk off public socials if you want; happy to share other ways of communicating if so. Offer, not pressure.
I know you know reasons people are Like This but it doesn't make it good, right, or helpful. I'm sorry you're catching it.
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@Impossible_PhD 🫂🫂🫂
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