Ancestors

Toot

Written by hater on 2025-01-21 at 11:39

i mean this in the gentlest way possible: i see a lot of discussion online by &/or about people who struggle to make &/or maintain friendships. i also know a lot of people irl who struggle with this.

the one thing they all have in common is that they don’t take an active interest in other people.

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Descendants

Written by hater on 2025-01-21 at 11:41

they always have prerequisites for friendships, the most common one being “similar interests”.

i am someone who’s been described by multiple people as being extremely easy to befriend, & i maintain that it isn’t because i’m particularly nice or charming or whatever - it’s because i’m interested in people. in fact, i’m probably MORE interested in people who have little in common with me, because i like getting introduced to things i’m unfamiliar with.

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Written by hater on 2025-01-21 at 11:44

and so whenever these people ask me for advice, i always tell them to at least try to take an interest in other people. even small talk can be easily turned into something more meaningful if you do this.

plus i find that a lot of people LOVE the chance to talk about something - whether it’s their special interest or even just themselves. let them! be a good listener! people love that

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Written by hater on 2025-01-21 at 11:49

despite my rambling on here i’m actually more closed off to folk online than i am irl. i’m always chatting to everyone i encounter, it’s nice! & it’s not hard! but you do need to maintain at least a baseline level of interest, & i find that’s what lonely people really struggle with

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Written by 🌅Rí Rua🏔️ on 2025-01-21 at 11:51

@stonebird this is me too

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Written by 🌅Rí Rua🏔️ on 2025-01-21 at 11:49

@stonebird I've found that folk who struggle with pals are often super cagey about themselves.

Like folk cannot be interested in your life if you tell them nothing or so little you're effectivrly playing hard to get.

Small talk is such a good way to find out things about people but it relies on the people engaging and not just stonewalling convo

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Written by ❄️MattK💨 on 2025-01-30 at 11:38

@stonebird yes! A friend is interested in you, but you are also interested in THEM. The beginning of a friendship is being a little bit interested, not being interesting.

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