Ancestors

Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 17:49

Mark, owner of Smashwords: 🦌 Okay Draft2Digital, I'll sell you my company whose userbase is full of the kinkiest people you can possibly imagine, but you've gotta promise to let them continue being kinky

Draft2Digital: 🐴 oh we promise

🦌 And don't do anything too fucked up, alright?

🐴 we promise

🦌 OK

• five minutes later*

New email, from: 🐴 subject: AUTHOR POLL on attractiveness of mousetrap; is this mousetrap hot enough to fuck? Have your say here

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 17:53

🐰 lowering dick slowly towards gaping mousetrap I know you think I shouldn't do this, but have you considered that NOT doing this would actually be problematic?

🦊🐺🦝🐫 cries of anguish and DON'T DO IT etc

🐰 Bigots. You're all bigots. K-SNAP OW WHAT THE FUCK

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 17:58

🦊🐺🦝🐫 WE TOLD YOU IT WOULD HURT

🐰 STOP BEING CLASSIST

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 18:53

Subway Tooter is honestly the best Fedi app for a whole list of reasons, but high up on that list is the ability to have threads open in tabs that you can pin so they don't close accidentally. You can even set colours for those tabs so you can find them more quickly, for when you want to add to them.

🐰 Dan why is this relevant to the mousetrap thread

🦝 I'LL STOP POSTING ABOUT IT WHEN THEY STOP DOING IT

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 19:13

🦊 dick snuffling and leaping around inside boxers What is it, boy? What do you smell?

🍆 pointing at a mousetrap surrounded by mangled bits of 🍆 and people clutching their crotches and groaning like at the end of that Robocop fan remake scene, you know the one WUFF BORK WROFF

🦊 Ooh, I really shouldn't...

🍆 whimper whimper whine

🦊 Aw hell with it, GO GIT 'EM BOY

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-10-25 at 14:23

Nextcloud Man: 🐕 Google and Microsoft want you to stick YOUR dick in THEIR mousetrap.

🦝 What, that's absurd.

🐕 It certainly is, friend. Why would you stick your dick in a mousetrap that someone else controls?

🦝 Yeah exactly, thank you for making sense, lately it seems like the whole world's gone mad

🐕 Using our open-source software, YOU control the dick mousetrap

🦝 ...what

🐕 Stick your dick in your OWN mousetrap

🦝

🐕 Take back control

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-10-25 at 15:08

🐕 Nextcloud users, we hear you loud and clear. We hear your yelps of agony.

🐕 We hear your anguished cries of "WHY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHY"

🐕 And we want to let you know that sticking your dick in this is purely optional!

🦝 is that why you placed it cocked and ready right at crotch height

🐕 For your convenience and empowerment.

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-10-28 at 13:54

🐕 looking down at a barely-recognizable swollen purple mass wrapped thrice around the business end of a bloodied mousetrap You see what the problem is here, don't you.

🦝 Yes, everybody sees the problem except you

🐕 Hm. Yeah, it's obvious in hindsight.

🦝 waits for it

🐕 This mousetrap isn't open-source

https://mastodon.xyz/@nextcloud/113384968001408903

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2025-01-15 at 21:23

🐿 Talk me through what happened here, mister Proton.

🦆 Well doc, I went and stuck my left ball in the AI mousetrap

🐿 I see, and your right testicle?

🦆 Bitcoin

🐿 Yes, I thought it might be something like that when I heard you coming down the hall.

🦆 'cause of the clapping

🐿 The wood-on-wood clapping sound, yes, from not one but two mousetraps, extraordinary. So obviously you'd like these removed.

🦆 Oh hell no. No, I just wanted your advice, I wanted to know whether these'd interfere with the big one.

🐿 The big one?

🦆 Yeah, the big one, hang on I got a picture on my phone. Here. Ain't it a beaut.

🐿👓 Mister Proton, this appears to be a picture of a bear trap.

🐿👓 It has "MAGA" written on it.

🐿👓 In what appears to be gold Sharpie. Mister Proton -

🦆 Now I know what you're thinkin', but lemme stop you there.

🐿

🦆

🐿 Go on?

🦆 What

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Toot

Written by vea 💖 on 2025-01-15 at 22:05

@ifixcoinops yes indeed that about sums it up

god damn it, I reeeeally wish tuta had a less stupid sounding name

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Descendants

Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2025-01-15 at 22:13

@2d I mean, google, facebook, tiktok, these only sound normal because they've been repeated a million times

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Written by Alaric Snell-Pym on 2025-01-15 at 22:46

@ifixcoinops @2d yeah, like if you ever look at a human foot and don't just think "yes, a foot" and actually LOOK at it afresh, it's this horrifying triangular pudgy slab of flesh and bone... I sometimes actually observe the world, and I usually regret it.

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Written by vea 💖 on 2025-01-15 at 22:51

@kitten_tech @ifixcoinops never look at someone’s face upside down in this way lmao

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2025-01-15 at 22:54

@2d @kitten_tech while you're in there I got some bad news about human ears

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