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Written by eribosot on 2025-01-10 at 13:55

My employer's email inviting all employees to practice mindfulness and do yoga reminded me of this classic:

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Descendants

Written by Arne Babenhauserheide on 2025-01-10 at 14:05

@eribosot So, if you start the day (after clocking in) with mindfulness training and do Yoga before lunch (before clocking out), is that then what they requested you to do?

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Written by eribosot on 2025-01-10 at 16:04

@ArneBab So long as I hit my KPIs and we ship on time, I have their blessing. Or to put it another way, no fucking way.

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Written by Arne Babenhauserheide on 2025-01-10 at 16:18

@eribosot Sadly a very fitting answer …

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Written by Hylke 🍵 on 2025-01-10 at 14:41

@eribosot also it’s a competition and the most mindfullest win a prize. I wish I was joking.

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Written by Zen Heathen on 2025-01-10 at 15:19

@eribosot "Fuck Wellness. Wellness is capitalism trying to sell you back the sanity it stole from you." --Gesshin Claire Greenwood, Zen Priest

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Written by eribosot on 2025-01-10 at 16:01

@zenheathen I'm afraid that an actual zen priest using a four-letter word is too much for corporate America to handle.

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Written by Ev Delen on 2025-01-10 at 15:21

@eribosot my favourite are the "Wellness Competitions" that corporate pushes on to us.

Collect points, help your team to beat other teams, (but be warned that if your teams productivity goes down there'll be repercussions).

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Written by eribosot on 2025-01-10 at 16:06

@evdelen "Oh yeah?! Well, my inner senerity can beat the SHIT out of your inner serenity!!!"

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Written by Tino Ruijs 🍉 on 2025-01-10 at 15:30

@eribosot lol. Tomorrow my first yoga lesson. 😁

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Written by Heathen 🐈 :verified_gay: on 2025-01-10 at 16:09

@eribosot

Kroger literally did this after an employee was bullied by management into ending their life.

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Written by _maleficentgirl on 2025-01-10 at 17:40

@eribosot @littlescraps

dont forget the vital Foosball table! Spend your lunchbreak playing with people that you'd rather punch in the mouth!

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Written by Joby :red_panda: (he/him) on 2025-01-10 at 18:25

@eribosot my last job got a new CEO at one point who brought in the “who moved my cheese” presentation/workshop people, and that was really when I knew without a doubt that I didn’t belong there any more.

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Written by eribosot on 2025-01-10 at 20:49

@joby Along with my colleagues, I was given my very own personal copy of WMMC. It's the most insulting and humiliating thing any employer has ever done to me. (Not my current employer, I might add.)

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Written by Joby :red_panda: (he/him) on 2025-01-10 at 21:13

@eribosot Yeah, when we all got our own copies of that god-forsaken book we were figuring out that the raises we'd been doing paperwork for and that had been "temporarily on hold" for years "because of the economy" had in fact been fully imaginary and it was like ... "you motherfuckers. You motherfuckers are who just literally moved all of our cheese."

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Written by eribosot on 2025-01-11 at 09:46

@joby I highly recommend the review of this book on the If Books Could Kill podcast. https://www.ifbookspod.com/

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Written by Matt Tearle on 2025-01-11 at 01:37

@eribosot

Cue the spectacular headline: “IKEA solved its huge employee turnover problem with increased wages”

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