I wish I didn't have to say this, but this is your reminder that no means no. Always. Consent is voluntary, and can be revoked at any time. Just because someone let you do something to them once doesn't grant you permission to do that thing forever. If a person let you do something to them, but then later told you to stop doing that to them, you stop. Immediately. If someone said you could do x thing to them anytime, but then, for some reason, told you no, you pull back, you stop, and you wait for when, or if, they consent again. Consent doesn't exclusively apply to sex. This applies to any form of touching, verbal interactions, or emotional interactions where someone's boundaries could be violated. No is a full sentence. Respect it, honor it, and to anyone out there who's reading this, use it. Never, ever feel afraid to say no. Anyone who's not respecting you saying no is frankly a boundary abusing asshole, and doesn't deserve your attention. Take care of yourselves and respect each other out there.
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@Kaliah Oh dear. Are you okay?
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@JesseF8693 Ehh. I think I'm fine now, a person at my birthday party just got incredibly nasty tonight because I wouldn't hug them. Typical of this person, but it doesn't make it any less infuriating
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@Kaliah @JesseF8693 Why are people so gross about hugging! There are people whom I love that really enjoy hugging and I will hug them because I love them and I know this is a way that they feel like they connect with people. It is never something I do for my own benefit.. there's people who want to hug you and then who get all bent out of shape and who don't respect your boundaries! I hate that shit. And then they act like you are the asshole!
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@Pawpower @JesseF8693 My thing is that I hug on my terms, and nobody else's. Hugging in general makes me uncomfortable, and while yes, I understand some people connect with others that way, I'm given a choice to prioritize a connection or my own comfort. Of course, I will choose my comfort.
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@Pawpower @Kaliah @JesseF8693 ugh it IS gross. Especially when I donβt even know them and at introduction they come at me with βIβm a HUGGER!β ok, congrats. I AM NOT A HUGGER. (I had my friends if we are already like that, but I donβt need full body embrace contact with a stranger, especially after learning that nobody stays home when they are sick anymore.)
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@maggiejk @Pawpower @JesseF8693 Exactly. This. I have a few friends who I might hug, but that's because they respect my terms, won't get offended if I refuse to hug them, and know that we connect through other means. I don't connect through physical contact, I connect through respect, shared interests, and compassion for each other. Physical touch is not everything, and never should be everything.
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@Kaliah @maggiejk @JesseF8693 Yes, there are a few people I'm willing to hug, but I know them really well. It's hard because my culture is very hug-y so I feel a lot of pressure and it sucks! I feel like people get defensive when I say I don't want to hug because they feel like I am rejecting them not the contact itself which for me is very overwhelming from a sensory standpoint.
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@Pawpower @maggiejk @JesseF8693 Yes, I have the same thing. My family is very huggy. I am not. So whenever I reject hugs, they view it as... Something, either a personal attack, a rejection to their relationship, or something that it's not, then they subsequently get rude and nasty. I don't know why it's so hard for some people to understand that a rejection of contact is not a rejection of the person themself
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@Kaliah @Pawpower @maggiejk My family isn't very huggy, but they do scratch my head sometimes and I hate it with a firey passion.
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@JesseF8693 @Pawpower @maggiejk That's valid. I would definitely take that over hugging, but any unwanted contact is honestly just rude. So I get you totally. My family also tends to put their hands on me when I don't want it. I'd rather them just not touch me at all, no matter what contact they want.
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@Kaliah It should be noted that not saying "no" doesn't imply consent either. If someone is passed out or incapacitated, it's not okay to take advantage. The only thing you should do in that situation is make them comfortable, like covering with a blanket if it's cold, and maybe place a bucket nearby in case they vomit.
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@DamonCrowley This. The only thing that indicates consent is either a straightforward yes, or some implication of yes that can be confirmed with the other party beyond a doubt. Nothing else gives you consent unless the party you are doing something too explicitly tells you yes, and of course that only applies if they're aware and able to tell you to stop if they want to. Doing something to someone while they are unaware or unable to stop you is also not consensual
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@Kaliah @DamonCrowley I know! However in my case I was intimidated!
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@DamonCrowley @Kaliah yep if there isnβt an un-intoxicated, enthusiastic yes it is a no.
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@Kaliah I had that happen back in 1997 and I said no three times to someone about something but that idiot didn't respect that at all!
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