I DID IT! Work is not completely done but I did the hard part and I feel FREEEEEE!
(I'm not)
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Very good session with the band tonight. I feel we're getting better and we like what's happening. A good vibe. I wouldn't mind to do this every week I guess.
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Rough morning but I still managed to finish the work I've been redoing last two days. And the workout also! I really hope I'm not sick but, we'll see about that tomorrow.
Now my head is full of very cheesy things. :blobcatheart:
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Extra hour of sleep was very welcome today. Did the workout, the chores, finished the jigsaw puzzle, played video games and watched a TV show. Normal solo sunday.
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Monday was slow. But swimming is still great.
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Today I had some sweet time with my friend who took care of me and I felt less ugly than usual.
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Today I had a nice time with my friend, we talked for hours and had good food.
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Today it's been 2 months since I started exercising again. Also, tonight I saw some nice live shows and ate a very good pizza.
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I took everything slowly today.
Feel good.
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I walked into the city, we had a great day with sun.
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Had some time with my friends in the sun today.
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Trying Nudevember again and I'm happy with these 4 pictures so far. It's been a while since I tried to make pictures so I can say it's not that bad for a restart.
Also, I went to the swimming pool and had diner with my friends and it's always a very nice time. I feel tired but super relaxed because of the swimming, it's working well on me.
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I played Minecraft again tonight and I still love to begin new maps with other people.
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I had a long meeting online tonight but I needed to get some things off my shoulders and it helped.
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Really hard to find something today.
At least I'm COVID/flu vaccinated.
Edit: one of my friends gave me a nice little gift.
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This is gonna be very hard right now. But I need to write something or my head will explode.
I cried so much yesterday night and today that my eyes hurt. Luckily I asked for help and wasn't alone the whole day.
I knew it would be hard. I mean. I already know how it feels to lose someone you love so much. But I didn't think I would miss the chance to say goodbye again. Not like that. Not after all these years thinking about how to deal with it.
I don't think I have something really positive to write about today. But I'll remember those years together as just as precious that they were. And all the people around us, all the things we did all together. Especially thinking about the people you are leaving behind and that I get the chance to know and to love today. They're a fucking precious gift.
As you said to me once: "Ce monde est mieux avec toi pour l'habiter." And yes, the world was a better place with you in it. But it's just a ride.
As I said before: so long, love.
Amanda Palmer - The Ride
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGwFtdVpVMI
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Today I felt it again. This fucking tremendous love. Not just for him, but for her, and her, and him. Today is the second day, where my broken heart is feeling I'm not alone in this and they're all around, feeling it. Sadness is still here, but they're too.
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I didn't cry as much as yesterday.
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Today I had very long conversations with people I admire a lot and I was invited to a birthday party.
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Didn't die I guess.
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It is very hard.
Some people are here. I feel grateful but ashamed.
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Still very hard to be in this situation where you're not enough. So tired.
I saw a dear friend tonight after another one took care of my hair. Also: no panic attack today.
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Again, a hard day (days without tears: 0) but I gave my blood and it was about time (2013).
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Tears again but I saw some friends. Stressed out by the next days but I won't be alone.
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A lot of tears but a lot of laughs also. Dear friends are here.
I've met some really nice people for real tonight.
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I don't know how I'm able to type words right now. It's been terrifying, weird, sad, beautiful, nice, interesting, hopeful...
Too much.
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I managed to do some chores and a bit of work today and that's a miracle.
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I heard the voice of my sister through the phone.
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The rest of the band gave me a condolence card. They were very nice to me.
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We watched Sister Act together tonight.
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In all this nonsense, between the tears, I shared something and felt it stronger while the music changed a bit.
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Live session with Echap went well.
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Loved ones everywhere today. <3
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Emotions, emotions, emotions.
(both)
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Family time and good food today, but also, I heard a very nice voice over the phone.
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Feeling weirdly sad and happy at the same time. I found something new, and I decided to keep it with me.
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I had nice family time today.
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Coming back home was a good idea and I'm with PersΓ©phone again.
Also, feelings.
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I managed to do my workouts again today after stopping 3 weeks ago. I also lost 5-6kg during this same period, and it's not that good. But I'm trying to see a silver lining here: I may be able to wear my old pants again. And weirdly... I feel better in my body somehow. And still. Feelings.
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Working out + physiotherapy + 1km in the water. I hope I'll get a good night of sleep after that.
Also I did a lot of work and made plans.
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Worked a lot today.
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I had a really great night, we worked on a recorded and filmed rehearsal for a teaser and I hope it'll be nice, but we had so much fun.
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I managed to do a lot of things today even I had the feeling that everything had been turned upside down.
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It's been one month. I'm not crying everyday and that's a relief. I chose to set boundaries with some people and I chose to be closer to others. I still feel very lucky to have certain people in my life. I learn a great deal from them. They're like gifts I'm never expecting. And tonight, even if I can still feel this supermassive black hole inside, I feel loved and valued. Well. I may cry after all.
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I had a nice call with someone I like very much today.
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I unlocked a success on InDesign so I'm a bit proud.
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I had (surprise!) extra work when I've been told to call the printshop and manage things directly with them. But I did it anyway and learn stuff I could have known since the beginning, months earlier. Still, now I know what to do and I don't need someone in between to deal with it.
Also: swimming, friends, pizzas, nudes and feelings.
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Slightly drunk at the queer bingo with one of my best friends and I wish I could be more drunk than that because I've been waiting for it for more than one month. Still. We won some stuff and had a great evening together. Love them so much.
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Today I finished the first draw of a big project with Echap. Now I need reviews so I'll do another big project because of deadlines. But I think this first one will be a success and I must say I'm a bit proud of it.
I forgot to add that I found some stuff for the winter and played ukulele.
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Today I cooked something, saw my nibbling, worked a bit on some songs and played ukulele. I also talked a lot with people I like.
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I did some chores, worked a little bit and managed to get my tickets for this thing I've been dreaming about since I was a child. So it feels more real than ever.
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I was afraid to collapse because today was his birthday. But I seemed to have managed. I received a nice letter, had nice talks and worked. To be overwhelmed with work is actually a good idea. That and, to feel loved.
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Today was another day of intensive work, still trying to get everything done before the deadline. Opened the letter, tried to write the beginning of an answer. Went to a cute exhibition of art students. Had a pizza.
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Work work work but I ate a mango today so it can't be a bad day.
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Hopefully I reached two very big deadlines today and I can rest a bit (meaning prepare stuff for the end of the year :gribz_down:).
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I visited the new bookshop in my neighborhood, it's pretty nice.
I read 3 books tonight.
Echap got a second grand for next year (50% less than this year but eh, still something).
These days, work was filling my mind so tonight was a bit harder but I still feel that I can manage and I feel the love around me.
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This day was nice. Wrapped some gifts. Did some cleaning, todolists for next days, found the dessert for the evening of december 24.
The cat is lying on my arm on my desk as I type this message. Very annoyed that I'm in fact typing something but still staying here.
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That supermassive crush is growing into something else I guess. I don't really know. But fuck I needed something like that. It's beautiful and amazing. The teen in my head is jumping and screaming out loud. Oh my.
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Rehearsal was nice today, I feel we're getting somewhere with all this work and it feels good!
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The evening with loved ones was one of the best Christmas evening I had. Love them.
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I managed to convince my mom to have a vegetarian meal for this family thing tomorrow except for the foie gras (she did it already two days ago).
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@lila_bliblu GG
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@lila_bliblu Congratulations! And thank you for all your hard work.
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@lila_bliblu :blob_rainbowheart: :blob_rainbowheart:
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@lila_bliblu yeah! π
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