This #autistic #alexithymia is so hard to deal with sometimes, especially when I'm under a lot of stress. For me, it can take a while for an emotion to register as a physical feeling, and then it's also hard to understand the connection between the physical sensation of feeling an emotion and the emotion itself. Much of the time I feel sensations that make no sense and appear to have no cause.
A lot of what I go through these days is that I see something upsetting, but I don't immediately feel it in my body. Then some random amount of time later – minutes, hours, days even – I suddenly feel sick to my stomach, or I get the chills, or something equally mysterious. And I have no idea what it's about, so I worry if I'm getting sick, or if something else is wrong. I'm just starting to be able to notice when this happens, and understand that this upset stomach might be about something that upset me a while ago.
I know this is just another confounding part of autistic sensory and emotional processing. But it's confusing and exhausting and I wish it wasn't like this all the time. No wonder I stim so much these days - I have a lot of shit to process and my body needs some relief from that.
[#]ActuallyAutistic
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