I'm having one of those moments when I'm overwhelmed with cynicism, nihilism, and grief, and I feel compelled to vent even though doing so will only trash the mood of everyone around me and myself.
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It isn't so much that I think about how everything I do is meaningless. The problem is when I feel like everything I do is meaningless. It's basically impossible to logic my way out of a neurochemical cascade that's been triggered by something I don't understand.
I woke up feeling empty and worthless. You can tell me my life has value, but I can't feel it. I don't know how to reverse it other than waiting it out. Trying to rationalize away the existential pain only deepens it.
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I've been thinking a lot lately about how my default reaction to feeling down is to try to talk and logic my way out of it, but that only helps if the source of the pain is my own thoughts.
Often I'm swamped by feelings I can't rationalize with because they didn't come from my mind. I need feel my way out in those situations, but I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to intentionally alter my emotional state with any reliability.
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I actually did one of the things the docs suggest to improve mood and exercised a bit. Just walked up and down the stairs long enough to get my heart rate up.
I also spent some time staring at the sun (using eclipse glasses lol)
I do feel a bit better, but still not great.
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@malcircuit At least one way I've worked out is sorta related to "Somatic therapy", but it basically works like - you know how when you have a panic attack your heart races and palms sweat and whatever? Do the reverse of that. Do whatever you gotta do to get your body to feel calm and safe and comfortable. Eat some food, drink some water, go lay down in a dark room, cuddle with a plushy, listen to a particular song, whatever. And when your body is calm, the calm slowly percolates back up the brain into emotion brain, and then middle brain, and then logic brain.
Trying to logic my way out of an emotional spiral just makes my emotion brain see my logic brain as a threat trying to ignore and suppress the threats emotion brain is trying to get heard and acknowledged. It's like how if someone tries to tell you "stop being so emotional and hysterical" it just forces you into being MORE activated because they're invalidating your feelings. But when it's the body itself saying "we're calm, we're safe, we're comfortable", then brain gets more calm more naturally not detecting it all as a threat.
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@JessTheUnstill @malcircuit
"Trying to logic my way out of an emotional spiritual" ππ
Thank you.
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