Ancestors

Written by J. R. DePriest :verified_trans: :donor: :Moopsy: :EA DATA. SF: on 2025-01-22 at 16:37

It's really difficult for me to admit that my neurodivergence is a disability. I'm still stuck in the "if I tried harder" mindset.

I've been trying hard and it's not enough.

I'm also transgender and there is so much I should do to insure my safety, but I can't. I have a passport and that was a herculean effort a couple of years ago.

I'm invisible, thankfully. I've worked from home for 15 years. Since the pandemic, we have everything delivered. The only people I see with any regularity are my doctor's and my wife's doctors.

My wife is physically disabled with chronic pain and a short list of other conditions that will only get worse with age. She's also highly ADHD and a tiny, tiny bit autistic. Her disabilities leave her exhausted most of the time.

My primary duty is to take care of her. My job supports this, not just through insurance, but through a boss who understands that self and family are more important that work. I have no trouble taking the time off I need to be there for my wife.

But that leaves little mental bandwidth left for other things. If we had kids, they would be taken away from us due to the state of our house. That's not an exaggeration.

I try so hard but it isn't enough. It will never be enough. I have no close family or nearby friends. I'm embarrassed for anyone to see how bad things have gotten.

My mom and step-dad are coming up for my wife's neurosurgery in two weeks. They aren't staying here but the will see the house. I have no idea if they will react with compassion, disappointment, shock, or something else entirely.

I don't even know where to start.

Right now, I'm just crying a lot and I don't know what else to do.

I feel helpless and a bit worthless.

I want to do the things that need to be done.

I want to and I try, but it doesn't happen.

[#]AuDHD #ADHD #ActuallyAustic

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Toot

Written by mkb on 2025-01-22 at 19:25

@jrdepriest Some of the best (and hardest to implement) advice I have received is “Be gentle with yourself.”

Give yourself permission to be imperfect. It takes time. A useful place to start (at least for me) was paying attention to the way I talk to myself. “I should really…” becomes “I would like to…” “That was stupid of me” becomes “I wish I hadn’t made that mistake. Trying to do better doesn’t have to mean self-denigration.

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Descendants

Written by mkb on 2025-01-22 at 19:27

@jrdepriest Regardless, I’m sorry it’s hard. Many of us have similar struggles. We see you. We believe in you.

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