Willow‘s imagined conversation with her HRT provider in 20 years (no, I don’t have any idea if there’s any relevant medical knowledge about trans women, HRT, and lifespan; bluntly, I’d bet strongly against such knowledge existing):
Provider: we should reduce your dose so you can go through menopause.
Willow: fuck you! I spent the first 2/3 of my life in menopause.
Provider: you’ll die sooner.
Willow: but I’ll live longer!
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@Willow but the whole “you’ll die sooner” is based on some fucked up things anyway, right? Horse piss and statistical murder? What about the 80 year old woman who started HRT at 50 and had a pelvis like a cis woman?
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@FinalGirl yeah there were some seriously shoddy studies done in like the early 1990s or something that suggested a higher cancer risk. Many cis women have been denied or uninformed about HRT ever since @Willow
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@DelphineUnseen @FinalGirl @Willow
IIRC, from a dive I took into it a year ago (after someone asked me when I planned to undergo menopause and acted weird when I said "Why the fuck would I do that?") part of it is the blood clot risks from older forms of estrogen, and part of it is some studies indicating higher risk of uterine cancer. The cancer risk studies are, I think, fairly well supported. I think the suggested, but not definitively proven, issue has to do with menopause also lowering production of progesterone and subsequent issues with the proper forming and shedding of the uterine lining that gradually increases cancer risk.
Oddly, also prescribing progesterone -- or even, AFAIK, studying to see whether it would reduce the risk -- doesn't happen, nor are menopausal women who have had hysterectomies exempt from the difficulties in being given supplemental HRT.
It seems a fairly clear case of male driven medicine dismissing women's issues and going "Well, menopause is natural and so you'll just have to live with it. Changing it would be bad".
An attitude they don't apply to, say, a middle aged man with low T or an issue getting an erection. In which case it's "Let's throw fucking T at them, fuck 'natural', qualify of life MATTERS".
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@Willow this is something discussed in Halberstam’s and others’ examinations of queer temporality - that the assumption that living longer is inherently better or more desirable than anything else depends on heteronormative time horizons. A lot of this emerged from looking at how life was during the AIDS epidemic and how for gay men had very different attitudes towards being able to grow old or not - and there were things seen as better than living a long life.
When my egg cracked, I heard Laura Jane Grace’s line in my head that night, “you know, I am already just a skeleton.” I was already dead, having used up the part of myself I could squeeze enough out of to live as a man. Choosing to transition was choosing to live rather than die, and every day, month, and year I get going forward is a miracle. If I live until I’m 60, I’ll have lived 30 years longer than I could have ever expected, and lived them as if none of the future was promised.
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@JoscelynTransient @Willow
In a year and a half, I will be 60, and it will be 34 years since I transitioned. And I cherish every day past 30 that I got, because when I transitioned, it was that I knew I would not see my 30th birthday. Just that simple. Didn't know how or why, just knew it.
The other day I saw that the world's oldest woman currently is reputed to be a Brazilian nun, who is 117. Making her almost exactly twice my current age.
The idea of potentially getting to spend nearly 90 years of my life as the woman I should have gotten to be in the first place is magical to me.
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@oldladyplays @JoscelynTransient @Willow
Oh I needed to hear that today. Thank you.
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@oldladyplays @Willow yeah, would be more than happy to get to live a long life. But also, like you said, it’s a gift every single year we get as ourselves. And I would trade years off my life for it, and kinda did make that deal with myself when I transitioned knowing worst case scenarios.
That said, I will fight for as many years as I can get as me because this isn’t borrowed time - this is stolen time. I liberated these hours and days from behind the structure the world tried to lock it behind! And I am not letting this gender heist go to waste 🤭
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