@actuallyautistic
Autism is often described as having a different operating system for our minds than non-autistics. One of the ways that this is most clearly demonstrated, is in the communication challenges that can exist between us. For me, this is because there is a fundamental difference in how communication is primarily used and understood.
I believe that autistics and many others, are primarily concerned with the exchange of information and that the clearer and "purer" that information is, the better. So the first act of any communication is to transmit that information as fully as possible. Secondary considerations are doing so in a way that you know will make that information more accessible. Shaping it for the audience, so to speak. And only finally will there be any thought of possible social niceties about the exchange and only then, if the level of masking, or social awareness allows for it.
Allistic primary consideration for communication, though, appears to be social. How will it fit into and effect their place within the hierarchy. How the communication can be shaped for maximum effect within this framework. Secondary considerations then become how much of the information can be imparted in the initial phase and how clear it can be. With perhaps much of the information being held back for further exchanges, once the social aspect and hierarchy has been established.
This also, obviously, applies to receiving communication. Autistics will look initially for the information, the simple, unadorned facts and necessary instructions. Whereas allistics will be looking for the social constructs before trying to establish what information is being exchanged and how to process and respond to it within those constructs. This simple difference in emphasis, is, if you think about, possibly responsible for so many of our problems. Why, for example, our need for as much clearly defined information as possible in the first instance, even to the point of multiple questions asked, is so often seen as rude or pushy. Or why our habits of info dumping and bare-bones facts, just being delivered straight and to the point, can come across as arrogant, or unhelpful. Because neither conform to the allistic's assumptions, or needs.
Of course, this is a classic double-empathy problem. But, what can make it harder to see and understand, is that such fundamental differences in how and why we communicate, are not always obvious or the sort of thing that people realise. Also, even if people are vaguely aware of what they are doing, the assumption, if anything, is normally, well isn't this how everyone does it.
[#]Autism
[#]ActuallyAutistic
[#]Neurodivergent
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic Aaah, this is one thing I really appreciate about you (you write out these things so clearly). 🤗
This is exactly right. And it causes so much trouble when I try to cross the borders and talk with non-ND people about whatever it is I want to talk about.
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@arisummerland @actuallyautistic
It is an essential and fundamental difference that is hard to understand, or take into account. Mostly because it arises from the base premises we operate from, which mostly are taken for granted, if not considered to be universal. But, realising it, will hopefully help in the future.
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@pathfinder it is something I wish I had known in my 20s, but that was impossible because I was overlooked. I love the autistic community here!
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@arisummerland
Me too 😊
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