Ancestors

Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 17:49

Mark, owner of Smashwords: 🦌 Okay Draft2Digital, I'll sell you my company whose userbase is full of the kinkiest people you can possibly imagine, but you've gotta promise to let them continue being kinky

Draft2Digital: 🐴 oh we promise

🦌 And don't do anything too fucked up, alright?

🐴 we promise

🦌 OK

• five minutes later*

New email, from: 🐴 subject: AUTHOR POLL on attractiveness of mousetrap; is this mousetrap hot enough to fuck? Have your say here

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 17:53

🐰 lowering dick slowly towards gaping mousetrap I know you think I shouldn't do this, but have you considered that NOT doing this would actually be problematic?

🦊🐺🦝🐫 cries of anguish and DON'T DO IT etc

🐰 Bigots. You're all bigots. K-SNAP OW WHAT THE FUCK

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 17:58

🦊🐺🦝🐫 WE TOLD YOU IT WOULD HURT

🐰 STOP BEING CLASSIST

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 18:53

Subway Tooter is honestly the best Fedi app for a whole list of reasons, but high up on that list is the ability to have threads open in tabs that you can pin so they don't close accidentally. You can even set colours for those tabs so you can find them more quickly, for when you want to add to them.

🐰 Dan why is this relevant to the mousetrap thread

🦝 I'LL STOP POSTING ABOUT IT WHEN THEY STOP DOING IT

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-09-02 at 19:13

🦊 dick snuffling and leaping around inside boxers What is it, boy? What do you smell?

🍆 pointing at a mousetrap surrounded by mangled bits of 🍆 and people clutching their crotches and groaning like at the end of that Robocop fan remake scene, you know the one WUFF BORK WROFF

🦊 Ooh, I really shouldn't...

🍆 whimper whimper whine

🦊 Aw hell with it, GO GIT 'EM BOY

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Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-10-25 at 14:23

Nextcloud Man: 🐕 Google and Microsoft want you to stick YOUR dick in THEIR mousetrap.

🦝 What, that's absurd.

🐕 It certainly is, friend. Why would you stick your dick in a mousetrap that someone else controls?

🦝 Yeah exactly, thank you for making sense, lately it seems like the whole world's gone mad

🐕 Using our open-source software, YOU control the dick mousetrap

🦝 ...what

🐕 Stick your dick in your OWN mousetrap

🦝

🐕 Take back control

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Toot

Written by Dan Cassidy 🦌 on 2024-10-25 at 14:25

@ifixcoinops Better yet the mousetrap is powered by PHP! So 80% of the time instead of snapping shut on your genitals it explodes and shoots pieces of metal into your eyes!

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Descendants

Written by Dan Fixes Coin-Ops on 2024-10-25 at 15:47

@whimsy if ((!$dickSnap && is_bool($dickSnap)) || (!$dickSnap && is_int($dickSnap)) || !isset($dickSnap)){

dontSnapThatDick();

} else {

lol("snappit");

}

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Written by crab amplifier on 2024-10-25 at 16:00

@ifixcoinops @whimsy Dick Meat Tenderiser and Dick Meat Tenderiser: PHP Edition

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Written by Gnorzaps on 2025-01-28 at 19:46

@ifixcoinops @whimsy 🤣 dead

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