It seems like all the people I love are on their way to burnout. We are each at different points in that path, and moving at different speeds, but the world is pushing all of us in the same direction.
It demands too much of us, more than we can bear, more than we can give and still be whole people.
I hate it. I hate seeing such wonderful people go through what I did, not knowing how they will survive, seeing their hopes fall along with their standard of living only because our all isn't enough
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I'm starting to suspect that any time I even think about Doing Something™️ I have a mini panic attack. I do not see a path to a sustainable life from here and that worries me deeply.
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Aging is body horror
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I wish I saw something on the horizon, something worth working towards. Right now all I can see is an endless stretch of struggle and cope, every day. Right now I can't believe that things will be better in the future, only that they will be different and I will feel the same hurt and despair but for different reasons. This makes it difficult to do the hard things, the ones that suck to do but you do them anyway because they are supposed to make tomorrow better. It's just not getting better.
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