I'm starting to suspect that any time I even think about Doing Something™️ I have a mini panic attack. I do not see a path to a sustainable life from here and that worries me deeply.
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Aging is body horror
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I wish I saw something on the horizon, something worth working towards. Right now all I can see is an endless stretch of struggle and cope, every day. Right now I can't believe that things will be better in the future, only that they will be different and I will feel the same hurt and despair but for different reasons. This makes it difficult to do the hard things, the ones that suck to do but you do them anyway because they are supposed to make tomorrow better. It's just not getting better.
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My gf's insurance through U-Haul does not cover gender affirming care despite the fact that not doing so is illegal. With the help of Lambda Legal and Arizona Law in the Public Interest, she is fighting to force U-Haul to cover gender affirming care for all employees.
Her lawyers have advised her to fundraise for bottom surgery as this fight could take years.
Please, if you can, toss a bit of money her way.
https://ko-fi.com/erikathelily
[#]MutualAid #MutualAidRequest #TransCrowdFund
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We can stop "seeing color" when people of color no longer need to consider every single fucking little interaction they have from the perspective of "how is my race affecting what's happening right now?"
It's going to be a long time til then.
The same goes for every marginalized group.
It's going to be a very long time, indeed.
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Adapted from a discord post I just made:
Here's the thing:
It's not enough to just not be actively, intentionally racist. If we are not being intentionally, thoughtfully anti-racist, if we are not working to remove racism from our words, our thoughts, our actions, our environments, we are allowing it to persist. We remain part of the problem.
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How very transfeminine of me it would be to fall asleep for the night listening to Loveless
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A very dear friend of mine is looking for a retrocomputing instance that is trans-flavored and plural-friendly.
I'd very much appreciate any suggestions that I could pass along to her 🩷
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Her: What's the word that means "nostalgic" but like, it's negative?
Me: Trauma. That's called trauma.
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Hey all, my gf is fundraising to get bottom surgery. Her insurance explicitly excludes trans care so she has to cover the entire cost out of pocket. I know we're all broke but, if you have capacity, please toss a little bit her way :heart_trans:
https://ko-fi.com/erikathelily
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My gf just put up a ko-fi page to try to cover bottom surgery. At present her insurance plan specifically excludes gender care of any sort so the cost is astronomical.
Whatever help y'all are able and willing to give, no matter how little, is appreciated. It all adds up :heart_trans:
https://ko-fi.com/erikathelily
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Even after transing my gender, I still can't imagine a meaningful future for myself. All I can see is a string of days that are mostly the same, trying to cope with existence and make the best of the awful reality we've had forced on us.
What is it like to imagine a future for yourself?
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I see and hear everywhere that autistic folk need routine. Like it's accepted as a universal truth. But I can't even handle routine. The more similar my days are, the more dead I feel inside. WTF. I want to hear from other people with similar experiences. How do you all deal with this?
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Sleepy gay girl who is very gay and very sleepy
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Periodic reminder that you don't have to be a trans girl who looks like a pretty cis girl. You can just be a pretty trans girl. :heart_trans:
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Tl;dr: Autistic people act out because we are harmed as a matter of course by people who are unaware of our needs or simply see them as inconvenient and don't care. We are denied the tools that can help us survive the routine, ongoing harm. All of this makes us desperate to be treated like the human beings we are, for once.
Even shorter: Autistic people are continually abused by non-autistic people and we are trying like hell to survive in an environment and society that is hostile to us.
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Eventually something boils over and we break down. We scream because that's the only way people will listen. We break things because that's our only means left of exerting control over our environment. Or we lash out and hurt the people who have been hurting us for our entire lives for lack of any other outlet for this pressure that has built up for years.
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This starts in childhood. We are taught to stay quiet, not complain, cope, deal. But the things that allow us to endure are weird and we are told to stop them. So we can't change our environments. We aren't allowed to protect ourselves from them. We aren't allowed to cope with them. We are silenced and shoved aside.
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I understand now why there is a stereotype of autistic people being loud and violent.
The environments we have to endure are painful to us. Sounds are too bright, lights are too loud. Smells are too strong. Textures of objects we have to interact with feel like being the nails scraping across the chalkboard. Too many input sources at once with no ability to filter them. And we are not allowed to adjust them to suit us. It's too inconvenient for others. There is an acceptable level of misery.
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It's bad enough that I'll have breakdowns just from being in the common areas of my own home. I often can't spend time with my family because I can't handle all the sound. I wish I could turn that sense off most of the time.
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