Advanced mutism technique:
Be "a good listener" and ask lots of good questions. Others will happily do the majority of the talking for you.
Bonus: you can hide in plain sight (can I start calling it HIPS?) since people answering the questions will be the center of attention.
Pro tip: don't use the technique too much at once or it will be obvious
[#]actuallyautistic @actuallyautistic
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As a teenager I'd often help sell donuts in the high school cafeteria at lunch time for charity
Looking back now through late realized eyes,
Great way to socialize without being social
Small number of interaction scripts
Repetitive routine
After university I volunteered on a crisis line. Later when I started training people I'd joke that many came to improve their social skills. I now understand I was one.
[#]acutallyautistic @actuallyautistic
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Being retired makes the routines more obvious
Gym at 0630. Walk at 0800. Walk to the store at 1000. Significant other returns from work around 2.
Problem is that all the time in between gets wasted, waiting for the next event. The uncertain spouse return time in particular has the most waiting.
Two tricks. First, condense the gaps between routines. Second, get a lot more stuff to do, particularly high priority. Raised the stress, but happy after.
[#]actuallyautistic @actuallyautistic
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Something incomplete represents an "emergency" for me. Exposed when I'm trying not to be seen.
Mom called for "tech support", requiring a lot of patience and a long phone call. I'm in the middle of eating breakfast, have a walk routine to complete and then need to make gumbo for an event this evening.
I'm immediately in grumpy mode, coupled with fight or flight, internal alarms going off, all the time trying to remain ultra cool with mom.
Should have just called her back
@actuallyautistic
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Watched a TV interview about the lack of autism support in primary schools.
Father had trouble getting started. He seemed to be weighing many paths of expression. Once he got going down a path he was better.
Ten year old son sat quietly for a few minutes, then started to fidget.
Interviewer went off script and got lost, then turned full masking.
They were all trying so hard to fit in. I silently cheered for them to break free and be themselves. Could have been magical.
@actuallyautistic
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Very many years ago, well before I knew I was #actuallyautistic I used to say
"Everyone is screwed up inside. Some people just have better coping skills than others"
I would have described myself as "completely normal on the outside, more complicated and very much like peeling an onion on the inside". (masking)
I would have positively agreed with "I can do anything I set my mind to". (special interests)
I've spent years turning lemons into lemonade.
@actuallyautistic
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In France for a week with my second language.
Written comprehension near 90%
Understanding spoken conversation from 50 to 80% depending on speaker and context
Lots of mental scripting of ways of saying and asking for things in French
Me speaking French, 1% at best.
Mom says as a child I didn't speak for the longest then suddenly full sentences. Same pattern here. Making an error would mean "being seen"
@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic
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I mentioned that like a lot of autistic kids I had a fascination with ponds and streams. I spent lots of time with tadpoles.
As an adult I've had a long fascination with art glass, particularly simple stuff that is mostly clear or shades of light blue.
I understand the relationship now.
@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic
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For those of you interested in late diagnosis autism, this article resonated with me.
https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/autism-in-adulthood
@actuallyautistic #actuallyaitistic
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Does mentally counting qualify as a stim?
I count floor boings in the elevator. I count eggs being moved from carton to fridge egg cups. As a teenager I had a weekend job that involved repetition and counting. I've counted reps at the gym three times a week for 40 years.
In general, as soon as I see something that repeats, particularly if it won't continue for long, I'm probably mentally counting.
@actuallyautistic
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In middle school I read science fiction novels. I particularly liked short stories for their twists and points of view. I'd sit upright at the head of my bed, big bag of unshelled sunflower seeds on one side, empty shell bag on the other side and a book in my lap. I read a lot of books and went through a lot of big bags of seeds
Off to the dentist today for a minor front tooth repair due to the constant shell cracking.
Yes, found another stim.
@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic
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As I get older I've started to have almost daily ear worms. Since I don't have any musical ability I usually only get a few bars. I don't "hear" lyrics, except for old school crooner songs and things like Christmas carols.
Is this an @actuallyautistic thing? The few studies seem to say we're not much more partial to them. I happened on this when someone mentioned echolalia. To me it seems like a cross between mutism and scripting. Using the terms metaphorically than factually.
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Discovering and conversing with other #actuallyautistic people can be an incredible experience.
On the other hand it can be really awkward. Some of my worst moments have been with friends/family who I'm sure are autistic and the conversation is nothing but crickets. When we don't want to speak (particularly if special interests don't emerge or want to be shared) , having any kind of conversation is difficult.
@actuallyautistic
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As a kid I was fascinated with running water. During spring thaws I'd go into the road or alley with a spade. If there were large puddles of water being backed up due to slow drainage I'd cut little channels to help the water flow better, often all the way down the street to a drain.
In the summer tromped through every small pond and ditch looking at tadpoles and swimming beetles.
I still love being on the water in a canoe or small boat.
@actuallyautistic
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There is a Monty Python skit where two knights are fighting. One knight gets all his limbs hacked of but continues to taunt and insist on trying to fight.
I do everything I can to avoid being "seen" by a doctor. I'll go to great lengths to convince people everything is perfectly fine. Call it wounded animal syndrome.
There's some serious masking.
@actuallyautistic
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Another positive autistic parenting example:
I was a pre teen in a small prairie town in the 60's where every father wanted a hockey playing son.
When I asked, my mother showed me how to needlepoint. Just "sure". When my father came home and saw me I said to him my friends would tease me.
He shrugged, said "you can do it here" and walked out of the room
For both my autistic parents, every response was positive and very low key. No wonder my favorite word is laconic.
@actuallyautistic
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When I was a teenager I read lots of sci-fi. I'd lay on the bed with a huge bag of sunflower seeds at one side. At the other side would be a bag for the shells. It saved a lot of nail biting.
To me now this is a clear stim.
Also included, the urge to knit/crochet/needle point, not really common for a primary school male in the 1960's.
@actuallyautistic
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One @actuallyautistic trait I haven't seen mentioned is what I'll call "efficienct routines".
I'm slow to learn a task, but once I know it I get faster and find more efficient ways to complete it. Doing the task without error and as quickly as possible is important. I can't stop halfway through or leave the task partially completed.
When I vacuum I do it exactly the same way every time. I know where to position it so I only plug in once. I despise being interrupted.
Is this common?
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After nearly 40 years I still remember the first lines of L'étranger by Camus. We read it in first year university French. I've read a lot of books but this is the only one I recall lines.
From the first line I completely understood the character
Quick Google finds scholarly article about Camus basing the character on his friend. One of the first written (external) detailed accounts of an Asperger's character.
@actuallyautistic
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I think of my shutdowns as a masked meltdown. I don't want anyone to see me unmasked. I'm also afraid of the power or ferocity of a true meltdown. Better to go hide were I can't be seen.
@actuallyautistic
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