title: A New Year

date: 250101

category: phlog

There's something to be said about a starting point. A marker in time that de-

fines a boundary. I have not traditionally given much credence to an annual

resolution, but I get why they are popular. If I were to start a practice on,

say March 14th, there wouldn't be much there to identify the date as having

meaning, not that dates necessarily have meaning. To cluster good feelings,

aspirations, and so forth around a reliable temporal landmark, say the first

day of the year, makes good sense. It feels right.

When you are a person who bristles at a thing you are told is meaningful and

correct, there's tension when it comes to a new year's resolution. Certainly,

I would like to have my upcoming year filled with intention and fortune. Of

course, I'd like to set myself on the right footing to accomplish my goals and

my family's goals. Of course.

However,

A thing I learn more and more about my ADHD manifestations is a tendency toward

self-sabotage. When I procrastinate or neglect, I am wholly aware of the con-

sequences therein. I have just decided that delaying action is more important

than addressing them. It's a real pain in the ass, assessing from a detatched

viewpoint. It's a real pain in the ass in the moment, too, admittedly.

So, what do I have going for me? A major change I'd like to make in 2025 is to

work on my mindfulness, my intentionality. Too often, I let my day slip away

from me under a calming tide of indifference. There's a comfort to the numb-

ing wash of the social media doom-scroll. There's a comfort to the Discord

fixation. But the comfort does not allow much growth, nor does it allow much

reflection. In the year to come, I want to grow. I want to reflect. I want

to lead myself to a spot where I feel, coming out of it, substantially better.

There's something to be said about an ending point. Not that we've seen one in

a long while. We're cultured to avoid an end, to put it off as long as humanly

possible. But an end is just as important as a beginning. An origin, a des-

tination, a path of travel-- it's all part of a continuum. Might I spend the

next year searching for a payoff? Yeah, maybe. But if I have the chance to

grow, reflect, change? That will be worth it.

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