2022-02-13

today i finished reading imogen binnie's remake of love, actually (2003),

=> https://nitter.net/imogenbinnie/status/1474415980319236102

which was interesting, as i've never read a whole screenplay before, haven't watched love, actually, and have a hard time remembering names with little characterization. i hoped jax, prue, and aidan were gonna go poly, but oh well. it was a very light read, the kind where you don't skim but you can't really recall what happened, and where you don't learn much about the characters.

i also read some of nevada,

=> https://transreads.org/nevada/

which has been decent so far. waiting for when it gets darker than detransition, baby, which someone said it was. haven't continued torrey peters - the masker yet. but i will, it's not too long. i recall reading a few pages of infect your friends and loved ones a year ago, but got too weirded out by the premise or something.

i set up tidal cycles on vs code with syntax highlighting. it was kinda annoying, because the chocolatey install didn't include sc3 plugins, so all of that failed. so i installed the components individually, but the superdirt one was weird, and i fumbled around with .git urls, which responded with "Installed SuperDirt[]", but didnt update the superdirt folder, and different commands until i realized i needed to install git, which additionally doesn't automatically set path variables for itself. but it all worked out in the end, other than fucking up ableton's audio output until i restarted. well, i hope to make a nice ambient song in tidal soon.

i spent an hour drawing a realistic black and white self-portrait in krita, with 2 brushes: a homemade opaque, un-aliased square brush, and bristles-2_flat_rough. to test haircuts. it lead to a depressing, but needed revelation. male haircuts don't fit me yet. i kept creating and modifying them in hopes they'd somehow work. they didn't. before that, i made sure my drawing represented my face accurately: unsharpen the jaw, shade the more distant edges to reflect depth, make one eye mono-lidded, one eye double-. when i blocked in my current hair, it looked like me. as i toggled between haircut layers, the canvas mocked my countenance.

i haven't really been physically dysphoric til that experience. i need testosterone and neck workouts before my neotenous face could ever hope to wear them without looking alien. i used to think my face was masculine on some level. clearly not.

i need to make more pages, to truly make this capsule a maze. in the morning, i was 80% done with the wizard maze quiz,

=> https://uquiz.com/quiz/7MbIap/try-to-find-your-way-out-of-my-wizard-maze

but i switched to another tab in firefox focus for maybe 30 seconds, and the quiz died on me. now i have to start again from scratch. one day, i should brave emi's labyrinth.

=> gemini://alchemi.dev/maze