How to Make Super Noodles

Get any random veg you have:

• carrots

• aubergine (or 'snozzcumber', or whatever you call it in the US)

• red onion

• hot chillis

• sharpen your knife

Cut stuff into strips, as thin as possible.

If this is difficult, you need a knife sharpener.

Fry the lot in vegetable oil (or whatever, just not olive oil).

Add tofu if you have it, and more spice.

Once it's a little fried, add cold water, then the super noodles, and whatever's in the packet.

Once the water's started to boil, crack two eggs on top, then some spice on top.

Don't stir, just stick a lid on top until the eggs are hard.