Oh my god y'all the Section 31 Star Trek movie is so bad. And I'm an unrepentant "will watch the odd numbered films" person.
It's so bad I can't even be mad at the corruption of the ideals of Star Trek that Section 31 represents.
This movie is absolutely a grab bag of success formulas for movies tossed in a blender. It is the pizza steak avocado and orange juice smoothie of movies.
It's like you take the Fifth Element, Ocean's 11, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the movie), Guardians of the Galaxy, and the JJ Abrams Trek movies, toss 'em in a blender, and take out the good parts.
Michelle Yeoh is not enough to save this movie. Jamie Lee Curtis appearing as a cyborg is not enough to save this movie.
I can usually enjoy any movie even if I come away with notes.
I did not enjoy this movie. It wasn't suffering to watch because it was so bad it was easy to blot out the idea of it ever being considered canon, but it was in fact terrible. This movie is midichlorians bad.
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The most enjoyable part of this movie was writing this scathing post. This movie did not spark joy.
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If this movie were a DVD it would replace Star Trek V in the hall of shame next to Highlander 2.
This movie cuts its own bangs at 3am.
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You know how Star Trek dialogue can be kinda wooden and they won't let the actors improvise or ad lib at all and sometimes it really cramped their performances?
This movie leans into that so hard.
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If you want a relatively unmemorable bad movie that's visually very pretty, Section 31 fits the bill I guess but you could just go watch Jupiter Ascending. Then you'd at least have some bizarre bits to tell people about.
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This movie is the annoying Disney Sidekick, but does not even have Eddie Murphy's charisma.
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@aredridel Wow.
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@flowerpot I know right?! It is really impressively bad. Like if I wanted to erase Section 31 from the universe because it's a bad idea, this movie is how I'd do it.
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@aredridel 😆
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@aredridel @flowerpot much like officials at Startfleet Command, when asked about Section 31, trekkies will reply, "it doesn't exist".
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@JamesWidman Lol you win the internet for this one.
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@aredridel I mean, I'm expecting it to be between bad and mediocre, but I am really hoping it's not Jupiter Ascending bad.
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@ocdtrekkie Oh it's not. Jupiter Ascending is better.
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@aredridel Oh no. Oh no no no.
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@aredridel Jupiter Ascending is a pretty movie that is not good but just has so many weird interesting ideas along with decent enough performances that you can at least imagine how it could have been great.
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@r343l Yes!
where S31 is a movie with some awesome if overdone ideas cribbed from obvious places, none of which they actually performed competently and/or at all. You could imagine an entirely different movie that was good, but not this movie only somehow good.
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@aredridel@kolektiva.social Hey now, I like Jupiter Ascending. It's campy and fun.
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@neia I actually enjoyed it too! I won't say it's good but it's at least a good sort of bad.
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@aredridel a Star Trek movie but they told the director it was a DC movie
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@aki And it was DCEU but that he couldn't do anything that might affect canon.
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@aredridel Section 31 was entirely too over the top, while trying to act like it was a serious Star Trek story full of complex moral decisions it didn't actually have. I didn't hate it, but I'm not sure I'll ever watch it again.
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@ReverendMoose Generous but I can see it.
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@aredridel I do miss the stoic nerds in space quality that the old treks have, but I accept and recognize that I'm probably in the minority on this.
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@aeva @aredridel i think at least the Lower Decks writers are definitely on your side.
and maybe also Strange New Worlds...? a good example of this might be S02E02 ("Ad Astra per Aspera")
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@JamesWidman @aeva This so much. That's one of the best episodes of Trek. Total top ten material.
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@aeva I do too! There's a reason I think SNW is best trek (Charisma? And stoic nerds doing what's right?! Sign me the fuck up.)
But Picard was at his best doing the high monologues, Kirk was at his best when he was letting his nerd show through, Spock has of course been the archetype of stoic nerd, and while Ethan Peck plays him a lot more human he's still in the zone. McCoy was best with the subtle ribbing of the too-stoic, but himself going to shut up and do what needs doing when it comes to it. Tuvok wasn't enough nerd, but Janeway nailed stoic nerd pretty solidly. Chapel in SNW is a hothead but still doing the thing, which is kind of amazing to be able to portray all at once.
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@aredridel ...that is an incredibly useful review line, thank you
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@aredridel OMG.
Speaking of just amazing theater / film review "diss" language, Behind the Bastards episodes on Oprah uncovered a (I think?) college review of a play about MLK that she performed in (when young) with the review having something like "so bad MLK died twice" in it which was obviously irrelevant to the story of Oprah but Robert Evans couldn't resist quoting it.
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@r343l OMG that is a fantastic zinger :D
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@aredridel
Oh wow. I lost track of Star Trek movies and can take or leave most of them other than Wrath of Khan.
But Highlander 2 is one of like maybe 2 films I've EVER walked out of, when it was originally out in ~1990.
So that's a benchmark.
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@aredridel "this movie cuts its own bangs at 3am" 🤣🤣🤣
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@aredridel i am grateful for this advisory, and i'm viewing all the people commenting on it almost like pilots who fly into hurricanes to gather data necessary for weather predictions.
though in this case it's more like pilots who expected good flying weather, and instead got pizza-steak-avocado-orange-juice-and-toothpaste smoothies. But then you warned us about it!
thank you for your service!
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@aredridel I watched this last night, it is gibberish. Several times, I thought I had just let my attention drift too far but, no, it's actually just a string of random bullshit following characters who suck.
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@thatsten IT IS.
And what's worse is that I could see what they were going for in every case. They just missed. Every. One.
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@aredridel I think there was some mission impossible and top secret in there too.
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@aredridel
I wasn't going to watch it, I'd never even heard of it, but I did enjoy your review.
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@aredridel I have been a Trek completist (I watched ALL of ST: Enterprise) and your review is helping me decide not to watch this. Thank you.
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