i have to accept that the sort of power i have always held will no longer be respected by the cistem.
35 years was a pretty good run, i think. the people i care about still respect me. i can coast off the momentum i gained before coming out.
acceptance will free us further.
so it shall be.
=> More informations about this toot | More toots from terra@sharkey.stellar.gay
it's very hard because i know what it felt like.
i know how it felt to be respected for what i do. i would make people think and they would realize i did that and they would respect me for it.
when i reflect without emotion, i am just happy that the desired outcome is reached. in the moment that it happens, it hurts.
it hurts even more when it's a woman who makes me feel this way, because she inevitably does it because she doesn't see me as a woman. she can sense that i want so called "male privilege."
i just want to be respected... i dont think it is unreasonable. everyone deserves this respect.
especially last night, when a woman i intentionally and explicitly gave my respect to for using exactly this kind of soft power to help our organization through a difficult situation made me feel awful for even trying to get my voice into a conversation that i literally have expertise in and which i warned people about for at least 6 months.
i have come to accept that men will not do this. last night taught me there's still more to accept.
i feel bad for even wanting this recognition, which i think must be an inherent patriarchal defense mechanism. the stereotype of trans women being arrogant and narcissistic likely stems from this. women aren't supposed to be recognized for these things. so says the gender binary.
ill just take notes. i will draft policy and let others make the motion and defend it. my voice doesn't matter and fretting over it is only sapping my energy.
=> More informations about this toot | More toots from terra@sharkey.stellar.gay
another thing that happened, not to me - but second hand: i was talking with my (assumably) cis doctor yesterday and she remarked how much better trans care options were today compared to five, ten, twenty years ago.
but who did she credit for this? the trans activists locally who i know operate on a shoestring budget putting in their own blood sweat and tesrs to making changes? no. in her mind it's the cis doctors who took the training. the training only existed because an amazing trans person i know advocated for and organized based on the challenges they observed while supporting other trans people. in her mind, it's the province wide organization who, at least when i have spoken to them, has a lot of cis people working for it.
i mean, i am happy these outcomes are here. it breaks my heart the trans people who do them are forgotten like dust.
and it crushes my heart to dust when i believe that i deserve it... i guess because it means i believe we all deserve it, which is exactly what the assholes of the world want.
=> More informations about this toot | More toots from terra@sharkey.stellar.gay
in this way, the system protects itself completely because the emotional labour of trans people is treated as an externality to the hierarchy.
it is not possible for a weeping trans woman begging her doctor to be the source of changes, it can only come from the doctor herself.
=> More informations about this toot | More toots from terra@sharkey.stellar.gay
@terra and the source of trans suffering must be inherent to transness itself.
the oppressors must be labelled saviours while the victims must be framed for their oppression.
"why are you hitting yourself? why are you hitting yourself? why are you hitting yourself? I will make it stop for you."
=> More informations about this toot | More toots from jasmine@chaosfem.tw This content has been proxied by September (ba2dc).Proxy Information
text/gemini