what we want: "queers and allies" spaces.
what people keep offering: "women and nonbinary people" spaces.
folks, I am an agender trans-feminine person. I do not pass. I have no interest in passing. passing is not a privilege I am afforded as a disabled person. I will not be welcome in "women and nonbinary people" spaces because I am not effeminate in the ways that they expect people to be. I am fat. I have hairy lower arms & legs. I have a great bald spot on the top of my head.
excluding men does not make queer spaces safer, because men are not inherently dangerous and because there are dangerous women and dangerous nonbinary people. you need to create spaces that welcomes queer people and allies, because you are just as incapable of clocking trans people as the radical feminists.
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an ancillary issue:
if the purpose of "women and nonbinary people" spaces is to provide a space for people who have experienced misogyny:
every time men and boys are diminished through derogatory statements about women and girls, those men and boys are experiencing misogyny. "you hit like a girl" is misogyny. "what are you, a sissy?" is misogyny. "that's for girls," possibly spoken alongside a lip-curl or a sneer, is misogyny.
no. these spaces are created and exist out of misandry. out of a specific desire to exclude men. "all men are dangerous", "you can't trust men to not put their hands on you", and so on? that's misandry!! and women perpetuate this shit by excusing the violent behaviour of their male children. "he's just doing that [abusing you] because he likes you" is a real thing that real women (and men!) say to their very real daughters. alongside "boys will be boys". and this alongside the sexualising language uttered about boys' relationships with girls. "who's your boyfriend?" gets asked of girls who hang out with boys, for instance. [I forget the more horrible shit I've heard women say of their toddler sons; thanks, COVID.]
you cannot make a better world for everybody by excluding half the population of the planet from the conversation.
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