Ancestors

Written by Enia Titova on 2025-01-04 at 00:47

when it became clear that I would need a hysterectomy to treat my Not Quite Cancer… Yet, I found great comfort in a Reddit community for people with similar conditions.

I have never been a Reddit user before because I tried talking to people about a thing there once and people were extremely mean to me, even though they clearly didn’t know the answer to my very specific technical question.

This community is opposite of that: lovely and supportive. It is largely populated by women and other people with/formerly with uteruses. I continue being active on it, as we support each other through recovery, etc.

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Toot

Written by Enia Titova on 2025-01-04 at 00:47

But there are two takeaways I have about it that break my heart on the daily:

1. women are not allowed to take time off to recover. Yes because of lack of medical leave in US but also by society. Like I knew this? But it’s devastating seeing all the permutations of it. There are posts daily re people asking “can I go back to work in a week?” “When is it okay to clean my house/laundry?” “I know my doctor said I can’t pick up anything over 10 lbs. but I don’t know how I’ll go 6 weeks without doing that.”

2. the way that male partners fail in supporting their partners through recovery. “Can I drive after surgery? My (male partner) won’t come to the hospital to pick me up.” “He’s mad at me because me taking time off from work will have a financial impact on us.” “He expects me to drive to see his family 6 hours away for the holidays 3 days after surgery.”

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Descendants

Written by Enia Titova on 2025-01-04 at 00:47

I feel incredibly privileged in my recovery. I have paid leave from work and will be taking at least 6 weeks for the first phase of recovery before going back. my partner has completely taken over our shared household chores in addition to take great care of me; I don’t know how I could have done this without him. I have been in therapy for 10 years so I’ve unpacked a lot of feelings of obligation to take care of others while not taking accepting care myself.

I wish these other people on Reddit had something like this. I wish they were not with shitty partners. I’ve lived this experience: barely recovering from the flu and needing to clean the entire house top to bottom because my partner wouldn’t pick up the slack during my illness; a partner who didn’t show up to the ER when I broke my ankle.

I try to be kind and not judgmental in encouraging them to expect it, seek it, demand it. But for now, we strangers on the internet are supporting each other.

/end

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