i want to find the balance between maintaining privacy and fostering actual real personal connections online while also streaming art content/making videos.
i have struggled in the past with muddying the two, sometimes mistaking connections made through content creation for real friendships and putting myself ‘too’ out there resulting in some really fucked up situations and i want to do better to protect my self while sharing my art and process. :prami_distressed:
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i had a viewer become a friend and stream chat moderator, who proceeded over the course of -years- to invent not only his personal identity but he created fictional accounts he ran and posed as his own fake wife, his own fake adult niece among others.
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He tailored each personality to mirror some of my own experiences, (making his fake wife fake pregnant who was fake disowned by her non existent evangelical family and had to cope alone, for instance) to extract as much personal intimacy from me as possible.
This barely scratches the surface of what I went through with this individual but wow. Friends aren’t friends if they’re not real and finding out they’re not real is a mindfuck and a half.
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@vae I feel like I am in constant conflict with my desire to be authentic and putting up an exaggerated persona to buffer myself from being too vulnerable. 🫠
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@vae and I wonder why making friends is so hard as an adult!!!
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lol when i get in my feelings the proper capitalization comes out.
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@vae Jesus fucking Christ.
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@keenan for reallll the emotional manipulation this guy put myself and my other mods through was actually wild. we all played d&d together weekly for two years on my stream and everyone became kind of close, so when his niece offered to give him a kidney (!!!!) we were overjoyed at the news.
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
the red flags were there, but he wouldn’t do something insane like that! he was my friend!
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@vae This makes me want to crawl into a hole, and it didn’t even happen to me.
I’m so sorry he did that to you. That’s infuriating. I wouldn’t even know where to begin recovering.
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@keenan oh i eventually stopped streaming altogether and have since disappeared from the spaces i once occupied.
thing is, i confronted him and he confessed, and a few months later he died, and i know he’s actually super dead, i’ve seen the obit on the funeral home site - lung cancer, one of few things he didn’t lie about.
still, trying to come back from that and be willing to put forth the effort all to feel like a sitting duck again feels insane? and yet?!?!
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@vae That is a rollercoaster.
Not quite the same, but I had a brush with a compulsive liar who invaded an online space back when I was still tech blogging, and the drama that ensued because we developed a friendship was definitely a factor in me reevaluating how much I participated there.
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@keenan it’s such a shame when you show up as a friend to someone and it ends up biting you in the ass
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@vae yup. Especially frustrating because my default state tends to err on the side of being overly trusting.
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