So I'm not out at my LGS but there's another regular player there who actually puts effort into feminine performance. I got to play with her, and during the game I misgendered her. I immediately corrected myself and said sorry, you know, the way a cis person would, and she quickly replied it was fine, the way we do.
It sucks because 1) how did I mess it up and 2) I can't just come out to her, I feel like that would be super awkward.
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@jump_spider People mess things up all the time. You already know that it's easy to tell when it's malicious and when it's just an accident. There's always the little internal pang where one feels the pain of not fitting into another person's working mental model as hoped. That's not something you can control.
An earnest apology can help, but what's the best is being affirming going forward. When correct gendering is the natural reaction, that's euphoric. If you want to come out, you should: "I'm sorry about the other day, I still feel bad about it. I see you as a woman in my head. My mouth words got all tied up because.... I'm trans too, and can relate to the feelings."
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