Toots for Hedgewizard@beige.party account

Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-28 at 01:20

Don't work the solution: work the problem.

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-22 at 07:27

... And two magnificent stags bounce across the roadway

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-22 at 07:09

Tasman I am in you

(That was close, autocorrect tried to change it to Tamsin)

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-19 at 19:27

Take heart America. You don't need the pee pee tape to make this government work.

[#]peepeetape #trump #inauguration

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-18 at 03:30

Today was the last day I could feasibly take down the catio prior to our house move. Right before I started, the cats rushed into it and started to roll around and generally enjoy the sun... I then had to throw them inside and they watched me take the thing apart piece by piece. I have never felt so guilty!

It reminded me of the Xmas Eve that I decorated the Christmas tree on my own (aged about six) and my dad came home, tore it down and redid it. He has been dead for 5 years and I have still not forgiven him.

Guess I'd better check my slippers for turds for the next decade or so

[#]cats #indoorcats #caturday

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-13 at 06:13

That is one surprised armadillo.

Oh come on, 'armadildo' was right there

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-10 at 19:40

Merchan's remarks have reminded me that people talk about 'Godspeed'.

What warp factor is that? Need to work out where to stop for lunch.

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-10 at 19:23

We have the radio on at work, but so quietly that it's impossible to hear any detail. Regardless, once I figure out which company starts its ads with a fucking AIR HORN I am never going there again.

Take that shit and fuck all the way off

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-02 at 19:01

[#]catfood flavors #cats would choose

Number three: Midnight bacon

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-01 at 23:31

Arse! Are we doing other languages now? 😭

I solved this JoWordle 1055 with 5/6 attempts in 2:28 minutes. Can you do better?

🟦🟪⬜️⬜️⬜️

🟦🟪⬜️🟪⬜️

🟦⬜️🟦⬜️🟦

🟦🟦🟦⬜️🟦

🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦

https://word.rodeo/JoWordle/

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-01 at 19:01

[#]catfood flavors #cats would choose

Number two: Smoky danglefish

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-01 at 07:06

"Squeak for me baby - ooh yeah, just like that. Shake that tail"

(Original post @Nikolai_Kingsley )

[#]vr

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-01 at 07:01

Yeah and at my age the whisper says 'Look at you, you flabby fuck. Get your ass down to the gym'

[#]demotivation

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2025-01-01 at 03:55

My 2025 shopping list has all the major food groups covered

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2024-12-31 at 23:44

[#]catfood flavors #cats would choose

Number 1: Stolen cheese

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2024-12-30 at 23:47

Next time I'm in Europe I'm going to buy a box of #tissues, bring them back to #NewZealand and release them into the wild.

When Kiwis realize they're being sold wisps of cobweb the size of postage stamps there will be riots

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2024-12-30 at 22:49

Nosferaddington just dropped in the local cinema. Hell of a double bill for the New Year

[#]paddingtoninperu #nosferatu

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2024-12-27 at 20:45

New marriage achievement just broke: spouse just kissed the top of my head and discovered I have not been gaming as she thought, I have been running and am swimming in my own sweat so what she kissed was like

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2024-12-27 at 19:31

When are the next Cat Olympics? Ishi has been training for the 100m Zoomies event for years, and has shown definite promise in the Getting Kicked In The Head By Sitting Somewhere Completely Unexpected event and the related Obtaining A New Head Injury By Hurling Yourself Through A Closing Door At The Last Possible Moment.

But that's not what prompted this toot. No.

Overnight one of the cats has smashed the previous 2.97 meter record for the Litter-tray Long Kick, where contestants see how far away from the tray they can punt a single piece of International Standard 5mm Pine Pellet. Yes, last night one of them managed an astonishing kick of 9.32 meters - more than 30 feet - clear out of the laundry and right down the hall to the bathroom door, where it was painfully trodden on by this human in bare feet at 3am. This last detail isn't a Cat Olympics event yet, despite intensive lobbying by the Burmese.

I'm not calling Guinness just yet because not only was there no independent verifier present, but BOTH cats are currently claiming this significant achievement and were enjoying a celebratory mutual grooming session on top of the victory podium (breakfast table) until I roared at them to get the fuck down.

[#]cats #catolympics

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Written by Hedgewizard 🐈 on 2024-12-26 at 19:21

Wow, those must have been way more comfortable than the ones I trialed!

Story: https://www.livescience.com/health/diagnostic-dilemma-doctors-find-27-contact-lenses-in-womans-eye-ahead-of-routine-surgery

[#]contactlenses #weirdnews

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