Toots for GreenRoc@mastodon.social account

Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-20 at 15:34

i just now read "The main characteristics of autistic burnout are:" in this article https://www.autisticadvocate.co.uk/post/your-ignorance-is-killing-us-it-is-time-that-professionals-understand-autistic-burnout

and I said to myself... um... that's how I feel, everyday, consistently, for as far back as over a decade.

am I in ongoing persistent burnout for decades now, and why I cannot recognize the difference between burnout and not burnt out because I am in perpetual burn out?

I think I hit that burnout in 2009, and never got out of it.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-20 at 15:24

Countless numbers of disabled people have something to offer the world... but cant be realized for many cases are being hindered by policies built up and get in the way of truly living life to it's fullest.

I could go homeless if government supports for disabled people are ripped away, ripping away my home and my property, which I want to use for a museum in the future, if I can get out of this poverty status where most of my government-funding is spend on surviving.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-20 at 14:28

I never want to be overhelmed.

I cant stop the incoming noises to the best of my abilities I cant shut it out.

I am in dire need of a soundproof booth I seen online. My 'Special Needs Trust' (SNTF) can pay, but wont authorize payment w/o doctor's note.

As if my autism Dx doesnt do it for them.

They put a barrier in front of me, requiring traumas and two months delay in the way of me having undisturbed sleep inside the booth.

I dunno how to get them to not require a doctor note.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-20 at 14:21

I'm reading this: https://www.autisticadvocate.co.uk/post/misinterpreting-distress-in-autistic-people-change-the-narrative

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-20 at 14:20

"There are times when stimming is self injurous and harmful, such as headbanging, but it is still not wrong or challenging behaviour, but is an indication of the autistic person’s unmet needs, anxiety and need for regulation and often co regulation."

My involuntary headbanging happens after overwhelm, frustration to a point of mental shutdown, my body headbashes, reflexive to stuff that other people shove into my life and environment.

My body instinctively goes into being the injured bird.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 23:47

I've lost friendships over this stuff.

Trusting only friends to manage these things I cannot manage myself.

I cannot manage.

CANT. Literally.

The "cant" isnt up to me. The "cant" is the other humans requiring the paperwork, interacting with the paperwork, receiving phone calls... most of them cannot stand communicating with me.

They cannot stand for my disabled mouth speaking/responding.

I cant control other people.

Bank teller hung up on me.

Never found out why.

Was I too loud? Maybe.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 23:43

DEAR GOVERNMENT!

REDUCE THE RESPONSE LOAD!!!!

Paperwork, phone calls, emails... it's enough to drive people insane, or at least in my case, worn away TWO friends into ex-friends.

The systems (Fair Housing, Health and Human Services, utilities, landlord, etc) really do have me overwhelmed with all their communication requirements.

I hate how the systems (providing me with basic needs) keep adding more "respond or lose support" tasks that two humans cant deal with everything without giving up.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 23:15

Those imaginary human-made borders, oh my god. Joe My God. These are human beings dammit.

https://www.joemygod.com/2025/01/desantis-issues-memo-to-lawmakers-police-leaders-who-decline-to-help-deportations-will-be-imprisoned/

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 21:35

The stress on me to speak clearly, was intense. And somehow, when I lost all my upper teeth, I could still speak without a lisp. My work on making my mouth obey me was a LOT of HARD work.

The throat control has grown weaker with age.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 21:35

But GREEN! (says my inner monologue of critics) Your voice is so clear and articulate, cant you manage your volume control?

My volume control is in a seperate location to my mouth, ok? Voice comes from the throat. Words come from lip movements. Did I ever tell you that I could not say my real name correctly until I was six? Also, I had a grandma who wanted me to say Snufulufagus, and that took me until I was in my teens to do.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 21:29

Do everyday people have to mentally concentrate all-the-time (whenever speaking) to make sure their voice is not too loud?

I do, when I have to speak.

Physically exhausting.

Cant always "keep it down" especially when stressed.

I rather type than try to manage acute muscles (in the throat) when I likely have dyspraxia.

[#]ActuallyAutistic

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 14:03

Impact to autistic lives regarding noise pollution, needing a doctor note? Ugh, why impede my need for solid sleep.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/sensory-differences/sensory-differences/all-audiences

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 13:57

My Special Needs Trust is requiring me to get a doctors note in order to get a purchase of a sound proof booth approved.

Um, excuse me, but... why doesnt "I'm AUTISTIC" provide enough proof?

I doubt any medical doctor that I barely know, could understand and approve my need for sound blockage so I can finally get a night's sleep with all this noise!

Noises (not a full list): Car alarms and engines, dog barks, leaf blowers, people running by, music bass, doors slam.

I need a doc note?!

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 12:50

Another reason I dont like the ideology where people think they must respond immediately to a text... They feel ashamed! Ashamed they didnt respond to me immediately. Please, do NOT feel bad on my behalf. I am ALWAYS aware, you have your own life doing your own things.

Awareness I dont actively think about, and always aware it's a thing: You have your own life doing your own things, so you maybe delayed at any time when a text comes in.

Dont EVER feel you must respond immediately to me.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-19 at 12:46

A major pet peeve of mine...

The ideology where people think they must respond immediately to a text.

I dont like that for several reasons.

ONe reason is when the recipient blames ME for texting them at a bad time. I CANT KNOW what the hell they are doing, I'm not a mind reader!

If its a bad, time, then WAIT until you have a moment. I loathe when people blame me for what I cant know.

You NEVER have to respond immediately with me. You wait until you have a moment.

Dont you dare blame me.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-17 at 10:09

Sadness:

An associate of mine who shall remain anonymous, has told me she has lost two of her best friends this week (heart attack, cancer), and a third is in the hospital with a stroke.

and I thought my week was bad. they are in their 50's Egads. We going back to the dark ages of 50 year average lifespans? Scary!

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-16 at 21:57

The pastor when I was four, who fondled me inappropriately, I was blamed for his hard-on with me. Four, of all things.

I remember what I was told that was arousing him. I was stimming, oh yes four year old in the middle of church, just hapened to be stimming (before stimming ever had a name for the repedative hand flapping) and I was in trouble for giving him a hard wood.

Redirected blame is so unkind.

Memory respawned reading:

https://mastodon.social/@gwynnion/113840234146930029

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-16 at 21:35

One thing I wish to see within my lifetime, is worldwide perception stops thinking autism is wrong.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-16 at 20:28

Autism isnt WRONG.

Autism isnt wrong.

Perceived wrongness, that's what's wrong.

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Written by Green Roc Thoughts on 2025-01-16 at 20:26

"Perceived wrongness" a term coming across my eyes here in this mastodon place... a short-ish phrase I could use to help me explain a lot of what damages my body/plans/wellness...

This perception out there, that autism is wrong... is one that does me, my life, and my love... a lot of personal harm.

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