Toots for TheBreadmonkey@beige.party account

Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 23:23

I'm going to sleep and none of you can stop me! Unless you say anything I happen to see, in which case I will continue to engage until I collapse - the first Fedi death. Death by Fedi. It was inevitable and bound to happen. It was the way social media was headed. Such a tragedy it took the sweetheart of the tiny screen, our beloved prince and hero. Alas, do not weep, for his hallowed words remain. Let us build a monument to his poetry and his teachings. Let the children of tomorrow hear his song and rejoice. Amen. And goodnight. X

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 22:04

Everyone's always got to have a 'thing' these days. A hook. An angle. Like you can't just go through life unless you're furious about something. Or if not that thing then something else. You've always got to have a definite perspective. Oh you think that?! You IDIOT. I think the opposite and I am right because I said so, so there. Well I'm not going to have a thing. That's my thing. I hereby relinquish all of my things. It's all a human construct anyway. I believe in entropy and physics and that is IT. Oh you love a football team do you? You think your job is more important because you wear a tie? A flappy ornate cloth on the front of your blouse? You IDIOT. THE UNIVERSE IS DYING.

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 20:45

Māoris seem like cool people. I sometimes get a sort of culture envy which is a really offensively privileged thing to say, but the connection some cultures have with their ancestry is really very beautiful to me. Although it is almost always partly inevitably a response to the fucking English trying to take over the world. A reaction to being told to assimilate by some invader is to hold on tight to what's important. I want to be like that but it's hard. England is a very beautiful country. I love our rolling hills and meadows and seaside towns. The folklore and the woodland. Just a shame about some of the people. At the end of 28 Days Later, they're living in a remote countryside farmhouse, trying to flag down other survivors. Seemed nice. All you have to worry about is rabid zombies. It's a one-problem system. There are just too many different problems at the moment and at least you know where you stand with a rabid zombie. An autistic person's dream. What are you saying? Oh you want to eat my face? 10-4 good buddy, thanks for being direct but not for me thanks! X

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 20:33

The Telegraph is a piece of shit X

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 20:20

(to the tune of Rhinestone Cowboy)

🎶Like a limestone mountain🎶

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 20:18

Yes! More of this sort of thing please! I want to be reclassified as a mountain. Just have people climb up and down me all day as I remain immobile and calcify into rock.

New Zealand's Mount Taranaki is now legally a person https://news.sky.com/story/new-zealands-mount-taranaki-is-now-legally-a-person-13300186

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 18:55

I want this

'Severance' Self-Help Book 'The You You Are': How to Read https://variety.com/2025/tv/news/severance-self-help-book-the-you-you-are-how-to-read-1236292864/

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 18:17

Just eaten my dinner in a style I am going to call 'twilight zone'

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 17:53

Wish my family had left me some heirlooms. All I got was a boatload of trauma. And you can't take that down the Antiques Roadshow. Here Fiona Bruce how much for this?

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 16:48

Just done an incredibly good altruistic deed and am now bragging about it on here like a thirsty thirsty bitch. Hooray for humble old me!

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 16:33

So what do we reckon..... clones?

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 15:03

Managed to pick up a load of Juicy Marbles steaks on the cheap. Told Trish I'm making 'burnt ends'. I'll be honest - it turns out I didn't remember what burnt ends are - just that they were bbqy and I liked them. So I've just wrapped them in a sort of cartouched parcel with some Reds Kansas-style and am going to cook them low and slow until they tell me they're done, then open them under a flame for a bit. I'm doing seared salt lime corn, greens and coleslaw aswell. Feels like something's missing? Carbs I suppose. I am so done with my nemesis, pasta, and don't think I can face macnme's aswell. Wedges I s'pose. Welcome to me literally posting my thoughts in real time! I'm a bit cold. I wonder what time it is. What will the far future be like? I must water the plants. I could go on. And often do. Sorry about that. TLDR - don't read this it's boring waffle. The end!

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 14:44

It's like they always say.... No carbles before Juicy Marbles

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 14:44

Winter blues? Have you tried.... eating until your brain stops working?

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 12:51

'Please allow me to intro-boost myself' from Sympathy for the Devil popped into my head and I wondered if I could rewrite the whole song from the perspective of Fedi, but have you any idea of how fucking long that song is?! So instead I'm just telling you and am going to post the lyrics and say some shit like the woo-woos should be toot-toot or whatever.

Yeow, yeow

Yeow

Please allow me to introBOOST myself

I'm a man of wealth and taste

I've been around for a long, long year

Stole many a man's soul and faith

I was 'round when Jesus Christ

Had his moment of doubt and pain

Made damn sure that Pilate

Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my name

But what's puzzlin' you

Is the nature of my game

Stuck around St. Petersburg

When I saw it was a time for a change

Killed the Tsar and his ministers

Anastasia screamed in vain

I rode a tank, held a general's rank

When the blitzkrieg raged

And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my name, oh yeah

Ah, what's puzzling you

Is the nature of my game, ah yeah

I watched with glee (whoo-hoo)

While your kings and queens (whoo-hoo)

Fought for ten decades (whoo-hoo)

For the gods they made (whoo-hoo)

I shouted out (whoo-hoo)

"Who killed the Kennedy's?" (whoo-hoo)

When after all (whoo-hoo)

It was you and me (whoo-hoo)

Let me please introduce myself (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

I'm a man of wealth and taste (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

And I laid traps for troubadours (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

Who get killed before they reach Bombay (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

Pleased to meet you (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

Hope you guess my name, oh yeah (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

But what's puzzlin' you (whoo-hoo)

Is the nature of my game, ah yeah (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

Get down, damn it

Pleased to meet you (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

Hope you guess my name, oh yeah (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

But what's confusing you (whoo-hoo)

Is just the nature of my game, mm yeah (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

Just as every cop is a criminal (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

And all the sinners saints (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

As heads is tails, just call me Lucifer (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

'Cause I'm in need of some restraint (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

So if you meet me, have some courtesy (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

Have some sympathy, and some taste (whoo-hoo, woo-hoo)

Use all your well-learned politeness (whoo-hoo, woo-hoo)

Or I'll lay your soul to waste, mm yeah (whoo-hoo, woo-hoo)

Pleased to meet you (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

Hope you guess my name, oh yeah (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

But what's puzzlin' you (whoo-hoo)

Is the nature of my game, mean it (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)

Get down

whoo-hoo

(Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo) oh yeah, get on down

(Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo) oh, yeah

yeah

(Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo) aw, yeah! A-tell me, baby

what's my name, tell me, honey

(Whoo-woo, whoo-woo) can ya guess my name, a-tell me, baby

(Whoo-woo, whoo-woo) what's my name, I tell you one time

(Whoo-woo, whoo-woo) you're to blame, ooh

ooh-hoo

(Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo) alright

(Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo) whoo-hoo-hoo, whoo-hoo-hoo

(Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo) whoo-hoo-hoo, oh yeah, whoo-hoo-hoo

whoo-hoo-hoo, oh yeah

(Whoo-woo, whoo-woo) oh, what's my name, a-tell me baby

(Whoo-woo, whoo-woo) what's my name, tell me, sweetie

(Whoo-woo, whoo-woo) a-what's my name, whoo-hoo-hoo

whoo-hoo-hoo, whoo-hoo-hoo

(Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo) whoo-hoo-hoo

(Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo) whoo-hoo-hoo, whoo-hoo-hoo

(Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo) whoo-hoo-hoo, oh yeah

(Whoo-woo, whoo-woo)

(Whoo-woo, whoo-woo)

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 12:44

T'was ever thus

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 11:20

Cold out there today fellas

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 11:07

Fight The Power is 35 years old. And yet somehow as relevant today as it ever was, and still an absolute banger.

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 11:00

Sorry I'm just messing around please don't kill me

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Written by Ben on 2025-01-31 at 11:00

I don't want to seem dramatic but the pyjamas my wife got me for Christmas have no pockets in them and it is literally the worst thing that has ever happened. I now know exactly how women feel. I 100% have exactly the same lived experience as all women.

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