Toots for draftexcluder@mastodon.nz account

Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-12-17 at 23:46

I have the weirdest dreams. Last night I dreamt I got a new job as a pineapple at PAK'nSAVE. My family came to see me at work at the pineapple stand (I wasn't doing anything other than being a pineapple).

My deceased mum came along too. The supermarket staff decided to sing happy birthday to her which she did not enjoy, but my son danced happily to their song.

Dream analysts - do your thing.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-12-17 at 22:18

Well, I emailed an employer today. They don't have any roles that suit me so I proposed a new one. The employer emailed me back within the hour and I have an interview set up for early next year.

Could be another career change for me...

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-12-15 at 20:56

Owning a business is like having a baby.

Everyone offers advice and gives well intentioned advice on how to make it thrive.

Experts offer a range of what you 'must do' or you will fail advice.

And there are basics that you need to get right, but for the most part that is not the advice you are receiving.

The truth is, nobody understands your baby business like you do, so take the advice that you think makes sense and gels with your own philosophy. Politely ignore the rest.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-12-10 at 23:22

How many more CEOs need to be shot for it to be normalised in the same way that school shootings are?

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-12-08 at 23:01

I called 111 yesterday afternoon. I was driving along and I saw that a farmer had a 'controlled burn' going with a huge pile of cut down trees. What was the problem:

• The fire was close to a hedge and other trees

• yesterday we had a severe wind warning in place.

The fire engine went and thoroughly hosed down the fire. Then the wind arrived. It was so strong that it felled our pear tree.

Blimmin dumbass arrogant farmer. I bet he is cursing me for dobbing him in.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-12-05 at 22:54

When ever I hear Todd Maclay mentioned on the radio my brain always adds "like a bundle of hay".

That's a reference that only New Zealanders will get.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-12-03 at 02:20

I've avoided pumpkin all my life. I hate it so much that it makes me throw up. I can't even eat something that has touched pumpkin because I hate it so much. Because of this we avoid having pumpkin in the house

My son went to his grandparents the other day and they gave him pumpkin soup. He had a full anaphylactic shock and we had to call an ambulance. Turns out he is alergic to pumpkin. Turns out that I am too.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-11-19 at 07:42

My gosh. My wife and I got contacted today. We have been awarded foster parents of the year - apparently 10 foster families across New Zealand got this honour, and now we will get taken to Wellington to meet the Governor General and receive our award.

This was all through a phone call, so I may have gotten some details wrong.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-11-09 at 19:14

America is now at the stage of the game of Monopoly where it's obvious who has won because they own everything, but you have to keep going round and round the board while they drain the last of your money from you.

This is the point where some people choose to flip the board.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-11-05 at 08:33

And sold. Quite a bit less than we wanted, but after a year on the market we are happy to have an offer on paper.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-11-05 at 07:08

Oh my goodness. After being on the market for a year, we have two offers on our house within an hour of each other. Negotiations ahoy.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-10-29 at 22:39

I spent most of my adult life thinking my father was Māori and therefore so was I. I did a DNA test just after Christmas and found that my father was someone else entirely and I have no Māori heritage.

My son has just won an award for Māori achievers at school and he feels like an absolute fraud.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-10-04 at 09:51

Draft Excluder's tips on performing Shakespeare.

1. Shakespeare is great to study, but performing it is not an academic activity. You have to play. Play with the character, play with the lines, play with the phrasing. It's called a play, so play with it.

2. Iambic pentameter is great for learning the lines, but you need to work out how to hide the rhythm and where to break the rhythm when you are speaking or it will get boring.

1/2

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-10-04 at 09:47

Today an old theatre friend contacted me out of the blue and asked me if I could video myself reading Midsummer Nights Dream so that her son, who is auditioning, could see how fantastic Shakespeare is when it is read well.

It's been many years since I performed Shakespeare, but it all came back very quickly. The characters are written so vividly that it is an absolute joy.

I feel so chuffed to have been asked.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-09-19 at 22:09

I really believe that the right wing deliberately creates conspiracy theories in order to advance their agenda and damage democracy.

I am aware that in stating this theory of mine that I am accusing the right wing of a conspiracy and thus have become what I hate.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-09-04 at 22:46

So I had my ears tested and there is severe trauma damage in one of my ears. The other is starting to lose the ability to hear high pitched noises which is normal for a male over 50 years old, but it means that my good ear is less able to compensate for my bad ear.

The good news. Because I live in New Zealand and this was caused by my workplace environment (30 years ago), everything is free.

I will not get charged for the testing or the hearing aid. Yay for free public health services.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-08-22 at 22:21

Back in the earlier days of the internet, when Wikipedia was brand new, a friend of mine decided to show me how unreliable the internet was.

He went on Wikipedia and added my name to the list of world cheeses. For the next 10 years or so, my name was listed on websites across the world as a variety of cheese from New Zealand.

That's mostly been fixed now, but occasionally I will still find a website where I am listed as a cheese. Here's one: https://christopherswinecheese.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/cheeese-list/

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-08-12 at 22:33

My first computer was an Atari 800XL which plugged into the TV.

I could not afford a tape deck as well, so the only way I could have games was to buy a computer magazine and copy the code from the magazine into the computer.

If the computer was turned off then the game would be deleted.

Eventually I saved up and got a tape deck so could write the games and then save them. What a game changer that was.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-08-12 at 04:38

Nervous for tomorrow. I will be telling my boss that it is time for a change for me, and that I will be looking for other opportunities.

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Written by Which One's The Monkey? on 2024-08-09 at 01:45

I have three kids and none of them are geeks. How did I fail so badly?

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