Toots for johnnyd_cm@mastodonapp.uk account

Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-02-05 at 19:30

I love to drain an open wine bottle. Usually as soon as the cork comes out.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-02-04 at 15:10

I've found a flaw in the idiom, "It's not what you know, it's who you know", because in a recent geography test, I was reliably informed that the answer to the question "What is the capital of Finland?" was not Jason Donovan.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-02-02 at 13:11

1st Disney production meeting:

"I've got an idea for a string of animated films staring animals"

"Great!"

"They're aimed at children"

"Fantastic!!"

"The parents get killed"

"Excellent!! When do we start?!?"

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-02-02 at 00:08

My body is a temple and about the same size and weight.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-30 at 19:46

"Hello and welcome to the paranoia helpline. You are in a queue which means THERE'S PEOPLE BEHIND YOU. RUN!!!"

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-30 at 12:00

If eyes are the window to the soul, why won't my window cleaner touch them?

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-28 at 03:14

When voting in Parliament and they say "The ayes to the left" and "The no's to the right", they're actually describing a Picasso painting.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-26 at 14:01

I would tell you how I came to read War and Peace, however it's a long story.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-25 at 21:43

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-25 at 19:59

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I knew that transplant surgeon was suspect.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-25 at 14:46

I made lasagne from scratch, but decided pasta works better.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-25 at 14:14

WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?!?!? AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-25 at 00:57

Just because we can doesn't mean we should. Challenge accepted.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-23 at 15:20

Oh blimey, he's only gone and written another song. When will the madness end?!?

Get it in yer ears.

https://youtu.be/j-y_pxAj1vs?si=4_8_J56_zPKaHlKl

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-23 at 00:16

Well America, the bed you've made is one I'm so glad I'm not lying in.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-22 at 17:50

My wife likes Wood Pigeons, but I prefer the real thing.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-22 at 14:44

I dropped an "h".

Typically it went under the sofa.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-22 at 10:19

"Physical jerks" used to be a term for exercise. Now I just apply it to people.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-21 at 16:51

If you know, you know.

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Written by John "John Davies" Davies ☑️ on 2025-01-21 at 08:50

I've just completed my 63rd orbit round the sun.

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