I'm completely confused at the moment. I have no idea if I'm ready for this. My primary concern is and always will be others. I'm terrified to think I may break her heart somehow. The more we talk, the harder it will be for her. Me? I don't care. Pain is an old friend. I'm only very concerned about her.

With that said, she figured my country. Which is a grave breach of my privacy but I let it happen. I wanted her to know my residence. And she seems cool with it (I think but who peered into her heart?) and I'm glad.

I talked a lot about my fantasies (For an example, see my previous post) and I was so nervous. But she responded well and that made me happy. Gosh I want to touch this woman.

If I have learned anything certain in life, it is this: Expectation is doomed. Let the future be unknown. I don't want her to plan her life with me. I don't want her to give me her heart. Not yet that is. I want myself to become fully capable of loving her and only then will I say I love her. In the meantime, I have much to learn and much much to do.

On the really ugly side, I did not study yesterday. I didn't even read. Yes I feel pathetic about it.

~sugar