and i had forgotten how much i envied them oh my God! i had forgotten how much ive been missing out on all this time i used to be keen and aware of it and now the re-realization of it is sharp and hurtful. how can i be patient like this how do i put up with what they did and the things im thinking and the rhythmic bubbling at the top of my throat and the clicking noise that gets ignored but can never be sent away ???????????????????????????????????

WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO????????????