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Posted in Humour, IBM, Microsoft, Red Hat at 7:46 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz
Microsoft hires Elon Musk to oversee layoffs, algorithm decides to fire Poettering
Image: Got Hollerith tabulating machine; willing to travel
Summary: Poettering gets rehired by IBM; IBM and Microsoft announce merger, putting Poettering back into his former position
MICROSOFT is going through some truly tough times. There are layoffs every week, the company is unable to hide it by compelling staff to sign NDAs (the press finds out eventually), and tens of thousands of puff pieces about a chaffbot cannot distract the public entirely… from the real crisis.
“As a result, the first person to go is Lennart Poettering, who quietly defected from IBM to Microsoft only months ago.”
Microsoft has just announced, in its Friday shareholders meeting, that it has convinced Elon Musk to join Microsoft’s Board of Directors and spend some time carrying out duties at Microsoft, at least at a part-time capacity, focusing on “AI”.
“Musk has demonstrated solid track record running companies that suffer deep losses,” the company said in its meeting minutes, “not only convincing a lot of staff to leave voluntarily but also laying off a significant proportion without paying severance.”
“IBM has meanwhile signalled that it is willing to rehire Mr. Poettering, but discussions are still ongoing about the IBM/Microsoft merger, which dates back to 2011.”
An anonymous source told us that OpenAI has unveiled a new algorithm for HR. As a result, the first person to go is Lennart Poettering, who quietly defected from IBM to Microsoft only months ago. Poettering insists that it was not a defection, it was just a matter of wearing the correct badge after more than a decade of work, which some deemed sabotage.
IBM has meanwhile signalled that it is willing to rehire Mr. Poettering, but discussions are still ongoing about the IBM/Microsoft merger, which dates back to 2011. The discussions are already more than a decade old and Bill Gates is losing interest in them. █
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