This page permanently redirects to gemini://gemini.techrights.org/2009/03/31/ibm-to-acquire-novell/.

● 03.31.09

●● IBM in Negotiations to Acquire Novell

Posted in Humour, IBM, Mono, Novell at 6:15 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Summary: IBM still looking for the breakthrough deal with Big Red mond

“JAVA was just too powerful for us to have,” confessed Bob Satire, “so we decided to pursue a once-in-a-lifetime contract opportunity with Microsoft by buying a poor-but-functional copy of its key technology — called Perro — along with its parent company.”

It emerged last night from a source which does not wish to be identified that a bandit from a large city at South of the Border, who had spent the majority of his career copying the inventions of Gary Killdadd, wanted a new corporation from which to spread a language called C$ and a framework called Perro (meaning “dog” in Spanish). “We had some painful experiences with C and C++, and when Killdadd came out with Perro, we said, ‘Yes! That is what we want’,” he wrote in response to our inquiry.

“Novell is said to have been actively pursuing takeover possibilities, having witnessed its stock slip below $3 earlier this year.”IBM Commander-in-chief Sun Foot Moono was approached for a comment regarding this rumour about negotiations, yet he declined to comment.

Novell is said to have been actively pursuing takeover possibilities, having witnessed its stock slip below $3 earlier this year. “We struggled to find a suitor,” said Novell’s SCO. “Our technologies were so Microsoft-centric and not a single company cared for it. Most companies had already embraced GNU/Linux with Java or Python, so our Perro enhancements and accompanying patent protection, which is due to expire in 3 years, did not impress them.”

Apologetically, said the SCO, “we had to sell ourselves for a very low price. Our landmark agreement from November 2006 turns out to have rendered us next to worthless.” In a separate filing it emerged that Novell’s SCO laid off many of his GNU/Linux developers in order to make the company more attractive for potential takeovers, but pundits suggest that he did so in order to facilitate a $8 million bonus for his decision to put the company on sale. █

Share in other sites/networks: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.

Permalink  Send this to a friend

=> Permalink | ↺ Send this to a friend

=> Techrights

➮ Sharing is caring. Content is available under CC-BY-SA.