His name was bugs bunny
I saw mars in the sky tonight
Glowing red next to Orion
I know Venus by the time of day
It’s faint yellow around sunrise and set
Because it’s nearer the sun than us
I’ve seen Jupiter and Saturn
But i couldn’t pick them out of a lineup
The others are up there too I’m sure
I know the Dippers
Sometimes Taurus or Libra
If only i was outside
Lying on my back more
Maybe I’d know them all
I’ve got this big coin i flip
When i feel uncertain
About what i should do
It informs my decisions
Big metal coin
From some casino
I got from my next door neighbor
Before she died
It doesn’t have heads
Or tails really
But the sides are different
So I’ve taken to calling them
Heads and Hearts
When it comes up heads
I listen to my thinking brain
Rationale and reason prevail
When it comes up hearts
I listen to my feeling body
Emotion and intuition guide me
Lately it’s been coming up hearts a lot
So I’ve been feeling my way around
It’s working alright
God christ
Everything is falling apart
Going to shit
And I’m so worried
It seems to me
There’s only one possible recourse
One possible solution
For us to dig ourselves out of this mess
We need One Brave Man
Who will stand up and tell it like it is
Who will set it all right
The only way out of this crisis
Which was brought about
As the natural consequence
Of maintaining the status quo
At any and all costs
Is for This Brave Man
To set us back
To Business As Usual
Then we can calm down
And it will never happen again
Sure maybe we’ll need to concede
A few points to our enemies
But just to make the transition smooth
Above all we don’t want to rock the boat
Above all else we don’t want change
Above all continuity prevails
Where oh where is our brave hero
Who will tell us all is well and normal
And that the machine
Is functioning as intended
I could have sworn he was just here
Wherever he is we have to find him
He’s our Only Hope
They moved the Doomsday Clock
89 seconds to Midnight
And so what?
Have you evern seen a clock afore
It keeps going around
It doesn’t stop at midnight
Even if it did
It’d still be right twice a day
Why are you so scared of tomorrow
I just moved the clock to 88 seconds
Does that scare you too?
Wait til you find out about 1 AM
And even more scary times
Like 7, 8, 9,
Midnight happens once a day
Doom! Ahhhhhh
Toughen up
Don’t be scared of the dark
Because here it comes
Knowing what i now know
About the nature of this world
I have resolved to go plastic-free
No more of that plastic stuff for me
They ask me at the grocery
Paper or plastic
And i smirk and say
I brought my own actually
Heh
I don’t drink from straws
Because my lips work fine
I don’t buy beer
If it comes with plastic rings
Save the turtles
Save the whales
Save the ocean
Save myself
But it can’t all be avoided
Most things you buy
They don’t have the option
To buy without plastic
So the things i need i buy
And then i hold onto the plastic
It’s not going in a landfill
So it doesn’t count
But as time goes on
My little pile of plastic grows
And suddenly it’s a big ball of plastic
That fills up the pantry
So i move it to the garage
Since i dont drive my car anymore
But it keeps on growing
No matter how careful I am
It keeps on growing
And when you walk up to my house
From the street
You can see it peeking over the roof
From the back yard where it sits
I don’t know what to do
If i chop it up
That leaves microplastics
Which will get in the soil
And probably destroy the earth
If i burn it
It goes up into the atmosphere
And makes everything worse
I can’t put it in the ocean
That’s the whole reason i started this
So i stand in the yard
With my hands on my hips
Having no better idea
I unhinge my jaws like a snake
Swallow it in one gulp
Immediately die painfully
My family and friends
Gather to honor my last wish
Viking funeral at sea
I think instead of Elons idea
Of sending rich men to mars
And before that poorer men
To pave the way for the rich men
I have a pretty good idea
Of what we could do
It would be easier
Just put a bunch of germs
In a rocket
And fire it out at every planet
Eventually something will evolve somewhere
And then life survives
Even if we kill it all here
On purpose or accident
But that doesn’t scratch the itch
Because to a man like those men
Who dream this dream
They don’t care about anything
That is not themselves
Or something they own
And to them their offspring
Is one or both of those things
That’s why Elon has all those kids
Despite being a horrifying slug/pig amalgam
He wants to live forever
I for one
Don’t want that
For him to live forever
Forget forever
I don't want that
But i haven’t got a say
So instead im going to
Start making friends with germs
So that maybe
When this earth is barren
Someone might remember me
Off on germ world
I’ve had a nickelback song in my head
For nearly a week now
And i haven’t heard that song
In so long
I don’t know where it came from
In the folds of my brain
But i wake up humming it
And i don’t notice right away
I don’t know what it means
If anything
But I’m listening to it now
To see if it reveals anything
Other than
I used to fuck with this song
When i was thirteen
By the year 2050
All of the polar ice caps will have melted
All of the polar bears will have drowned
And you will have gained
A new gland in your brain
Made specifically to forget that it happened
So you can go back to work
By the year 2065
All people will have grown
An extra heart
Just for mourning
That way you can
Push aside all that grief
So you can go back to work
While the second heart pounds away
No grieving on company time
They will all start to say
By the year 2074
Humans will have evolved
A special little extra finger
For scrolling on their screens
On their phones
By 2090 it will have grown vestigial
As we stopped using screens
By the end of the 70s
And switched to retinal displays
By the year 2183
All humans will have grown
An extra lung in their chest
Just for smoking cigarettes
And when it ruptures
You just go to the doctor
So they can take it out
And then you don’t smoke anymore
By the year 3000
The Jonas brothers will have arrived
And they will note that
Though we all live underwater
Not much has changed
And they will check in on your family
If your family survived
Odds are they didn’t
But that all depends
By the year 4507
They invent a new kind of pringles
That come in an extra tall can
And all the underwater people
Have adapted long tongues
So they can reach the crumbs at the bottom
By the year 15,039
They will have forgotten you
Over and over and over
Until they forget the forgetting
Your monuments are dust
And the dust has blown away
Jeggings are back in style
For the mutants underground
By the year 89,015
It will all still be here
Just rearranged
You wouldn’t recognize it
Any more than it would you
But somewhere on the ground
In the sky or in the sea
There’s a little piece of you
Which has been
Ripped and stitched
In so many ways
But for once in your configuration
For once in the tissue of your second heart
By the year 600,000,002
They won’t still be using the same calendar
But the last plant will have died
So too anything left that ate plants
Or anything that ate anything that ate plants
And earth will stand still
But the waves will keep crashing
The wind will keep blowing
And by the year 7,500,000,000
The sun will swallow it up
And then the sun will blow up
Whatever happens next
Is anybody’s guess
Every time i open a bottle
I find myself pocketing the cap
Part of me says it’s because
I’ll throw it away later
The other part of me
Has a tin can on top the fridge
Full up with bottlecaps
There’s something I’m trying to save
Many mini mementos
It’s the same as
I can’t throw away that ticket stub
Mark the passage of time
The occurrence of events
Else I’m just lazy
I don’t like throwing away
I saved the last four pickle jars
But i haven’t got a use for them
Save for holding bottlecaps
And ticket stubs
Something in the lizard brain
Tells me I’ll need them later
So i might as well hold on
Just in case
Watching severance has been good and bad for me because i hate my job so much and watching this show makes it so real. I’m so pissed off at my piece of shit boss right now. FYI. I hate him so fucking much. I have a call with a recruiter tomorrow and plan to send out some more applications once I’m off work. Fuck this place.
Reorganizing my flounder for my own convenience. Bear with me.
Still need to set up my index page, but I'll do that later.
I'm on flounder and I'm swimming.
Mostly this was spurred bc I was telling a friend about flounder and I was going to send them my page and felt like it was disorganized. So I'm putting that off until I set up my index page. Make it more of a landing zone/directory, try to compartmentalize a little more on here.
Sometimes i think it’s really not good for you to format all your thoughts as posts (talking specifically Twitter here but applies broadly). It’s reductive. Nothing more stifling than a pithy little quote says I. But then i think of a particularly stimulating pithy quote and i want to get my rocks off. Basically what I’m saying is I feel im good at posting, but i feel it’s bad for me. And so i stopped tweeting but ive been lurking a bit still and i really would rather not be. This is not the forum i would prefer to be engaging with or perceiving others on. I think i want to be the type of person who says they’re not really online. Disengage with the whole brain pickling process to the extent it is possible. Maybe I’ll post here more, or become a good texter. I used to be good at texting. Not sure what happened or when. I don’t want to be uninformed or uninterested in what is going on culturally or socially. But i quit smoking last year even though i really liked it (and still dabble every so often) because i knew it was bad for me. And that part feels good. The knowing. Not going digitally sober, but learning my limits and trying to scale back. Try reading a book, jackass. Okay, jackass, i will.
Online post on the online microblogging site i use.
Shit up
Applied to some jobs today!
Turns out all i had to do was overcome the insurmountable mental barriers to thinking about my career and my future and just start clicking on things. I think i will apply to one million jobs now. We’ll see how it shakes out. Sent a bunch out for positions all over. Maybe I’ll move to Montana or something idk. Probably not but you never know.
Wanted to watch severance but already used my free trial so unfortunately had to pay apple 9.99 only SIKE i didn’t i was able to scam a free 3 month trial out of them. Im genus.
Feeling pretty good today despite the fact that im probably somewhat depressed (seasonally) and we’re down in the single digit temperature days. Trying to go to the gym today and tomorrow bc i wasn’t able to go while i was sick last week.
For the last few years i keep discovering things that if i had allowed myself to enjoy earlier would have changed me. Not necessarily for the better or worse but like. Nothing hits like a tv show or a movie or a song that speaks to the core of your being when you are young. I’m still being hit, but i can feel how much stronger it would have been if i had been taking it in when i was a teenager or even younger. This week it’s been Dragon Ball and Mulholland Drive. I could have really absorbed those into my heart from a young age and who knows what id be like now. But I’m absorbing them now nonetheless. It’s just that I’m fully formed now, so i bring a lot of myself to the table. When you are little there is still so much empty space inside you waiting to be filled from outside. If that makes sense. I’m 25 years old in other words.
Watching dragon ball z still
Just finished the Cell arc
Really loving this show
It’s so charming
This most recent bit
With Gohan in high school
Being a superhero
It’s so great
I love him
I watched that boy grow up
Just like Goku in Dragon Ball
It’s crazy how much it works
Just a great show
Went to the gym in my dream
Because
I went to bed thinking about
How i need to go to the gym
When i wake up
Duh
But here’s the dream part
The gym had all kinds of wacky contraptions
And they were intermingled
With arcade machines
Bench press
Skii ball
Claw machine
Then some machines i made up
All on my own
There was a rowing machine
One of the kind that has the water inside
But instead of being at the end
You sit inside of it
So it’s just swishing water
All around you
And you get all wet
Then another one was
This big web of elastic bands
That you would stand under
And then lower onto you
So they all pulled you downwards
And then you would just stand up
I was using this one
And the bands were running
Right across my face
So my face was all distorted
Twisted up
And i was trying to impress some girl
So i was doing them really fast
And it was really funny
That was about it
I woke up and went to the real gym
And it was normal :(
I slip my slippers onto my feet, as they are intended for, then i shuffle from the bedroom to the kitchen, where the kettle has started whistling. I’m steeping the tea in the kitchen doorway standing in the room between rooms. I let it sit for a minute while I light a candle. Pacific Cypress is the flavor and it has a wood wick so when it burns it crackles a little bit. An ad has come on the tv, interrupting the 3 hour Jazz playlist I’ve put on YouTube. But i am focused on getting back to the tea so my higher brain ignores the advertisement while my lower brain files it away for later in case I want to buy something. I look out the window at the snow. I try to read my book. But I can still hear the kettle screaming. So I go in to turn off the stove and it is already off. The screaming is coming from somewhere else. Must be none of my business. I turn up the 3 hour Jazz playlist for chill relaxing cozy winter evenings and go back to reading.
Having taken the time
To sit and reflect
I find myself
No less panicked
No more profound
In thinking about the fires
And the people who put them out
And the people who cause them
Thinking about water
The infrastructure it requires
The money it costs
The people who own it
The people who cause it to be owned
Thinking about my place in it all
Should it exist
In setting fires
And putting them out
In owning water
And dishing it out
I don’t feel good about this
I don’t even have something novel
I can say about it
Water puts out fire
And we need it to live
So of course
Someone is going to own it
But i don’t think it should be like that
Too bad
The good news, flounder, is that I’m making good on all my resolutions. I’m having a really good start to the year and i think I’m starting to feel like January is my favorite month. I rearranged my whole apartment right before the start of the year and threw my back out hauling furniture by myself. And i scrambled to make new years plans last minute. And then shockingly it all just worked out. I had a good fun time at a house party with my ex and her bf who I’m working on becoming friends with and we went to the bar after and they were both very nice to me. I’ve been getting a lot of this lately. People being nice to me. Which is good because i need it. Got brunch with a new good friend of mine (the friendship isn’t that new, but this is the first time im adding the “good” adjective) and exchanged gifts and it was very sweet. I’m very fond of them and I’ve been trying to be more forthcoming with my emotions lately. I’ve been trying to do a lot of things and succeeding at most of them. Good feeling. I’ve been working out and doing yoga and trying to be more present in my body. That’s new for me but I’m finding it easier. I got suckered into going to a sports event with coworkers and i don’t really want to go into the details right now but I’m being repeatedly sexually harassed by my one coworker i have mentioned before and im starting to realize that it’s weighing on me more than i let on. It doesn’t make me feel good. Speaking of my job they gave me my raise and it’s still far less than starting salaries for other people at the company in my same position. Specifically i know this because the coworker who is harassing me has told me. Just more reason to get out but i still think i might stick it out til March so i can get my bonus. Gives me some time to plan which i really need to do. Other than that my life is going very well right now. I’m feeling very fulfilled personally on an emotional and social level and I’m keeping my apartment clean and organized and developing some better habits in regards to taking care of myself and it all just makes me feel good. I was sick this past week a little bit but it didn’t bring me down too much. The snow is healing and meaningful to me in a way that is hard to describe. Something feels right when i am walking in the snow. And this morning it snowed again and the flakes were so flat and glittery that it felt like the inside of a snow globe. I’ve been having many quiet beautiful moments and trying to take time to appreciate them. That’s what I’ve been up to mostly.
-Quit my job
-Get a better one
-Quit my loneliness
-Get a better one
-Read more
-Sit and be quiet
-Get off the damn phone
-Listen to new music
-Listen to better music
-Take time to finish things
-Commit harder
-Yoga
-Gym
-Cook more
-Eat better
-Walk more
-Talk Better
-Get serious
-Make a plan
-Make one hundred plans
-Draw
-Sing and play guitar
-and more and more
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