Busy week, busy Friday.
So weird to be an adult with a job.
Finally caught some ZZZs last night.
At work I am slinging out emails. Passing along slide decks. Making connections. Reporting metrics. Pulling levers. Pressing buttons.
Working a lot and sleeping little this week.
Good projects at work though.
Geez I really got myself worked up on here yesterday.
Having the kind of week where I open a document on my laptop called Manifesto, type for an hour, then exit without saving
Accessing the electronic medical record is both terrifying and exhilarating
Good morning flounderverse. Feeling sleepy today.
I have continued to “remove myself from the economy”. Things are going well except I was reflecting on my Uber usage this weekend. Will have to think about that and consider alternatives. Not a common situation for me though. I’m also thinking about Good Will, Salvation Army, etc…. Those will be harder to completely eliminate but I have scratched my “shopping” itch for now and will start first with local organizations going forward.
I love my neighborhood and all its little shops. I used to think shopping local, esp for food, was prohibitively expensive. When you are a broke student you allow yourself to buy the poison vegetables. No more. Turns out buying a bunch of junk every week simply because you are at Target is expensive and instead buying only food is actually relatively affordable. Plus it results in less stupid plastic crap in my apartment. I am an adult with a job and can spend $8 on butter at the local market if i should choose to do so.
Will continue to prioritize buying high quality foodstuffs from businesses I respect over other kinds of spending. ReInvesting the money I would have spent on “needs” that I actually never needed and in fact won’t ever think about if I dont see them in a store or in an ad.
My favorite earring fell out of my ear and exploded on the ground.
I picked up the biggest two pieces so I could glue them together
Then the broken piece fell out of my pocket into the lake.
When it is time for something to end you can’t argue with it. You must love with an open palm
Really nice weekend (desperately needed)
Enjoyed some thrift scores today (meat thermometer, pastry cutter, cool pillow, candy jar, etc)
Yummy food, friends, fulfilling my carnal desires…. This is what good days are made of!
Smell is so sweet 2 me.
Now it is back to work! I like going job mode sometimes. Job Me is really on top of her game. Tomorrow shouldn’t be too bad, running one meeting and coordinating a few others.
Also looking forward to getting some sewing done this week. I have been in a project zone this month. I love honing in and getting it done. Ambitious goal is to finish piecing the front of my quilt (scary), attainable goal is to assemble this vest vision I have been envisioning.
Grappling with the reality that almost nothing on my phone is interesting to me anymore. Facebook has really put a sour taste in my mouth lately. Flounder is good, I play connections, and check my email. Not much else for me in this space. Just as well.
Going to get in my warm shower with pink lights. Brush my teeth really well. Crawl into my delicious bed, warmed by my heated blankets. Slather myself in lotions and potions. Drink some iced, filtered water. Turn on NBC’s New Girl at a low volume and get! Some! Rest!
Took the canoe out today. It was literally freezing. It’s such a nice activity. Getting donuts and coffee on the way is a great part.
Now I am eating sour patch kids in bed under my heated blanket.
Jan #14
It’s crazy days. I am hating the snow and I hate that I am hating the snow. I fell down for the first time tonight. I have been having a string of the kind of days where falling hard on your ass could really break me, but tonight it wasn’t so bad.
The new moon has not yet healed me as I expected.
It is so good to be home
Nothing says welcome home like a letter, letting you know your water might be full of lead.
So I’ll have a root beer
Coming to the end of this experience. I thought I may have some grand revelatory experience. Instead it was more like a batch of quiet, calm, subtle revelations. We are frail and resilient. I love my family. I am one cohesive person even when I feel like I have 2 or 3 or 4 separate lives. I can be honest. Shame is a weakness disguised as strength. My mom and I can be so similar it makes me a little queasy. External praise is never a good enough motivator (you’re not going to get as much of it as you think you will). Vulnerability fosters a sense of safety. We must must must take care of each other.
Officially celebrated Dads Day for the first time this year. This is a holiday where you go see your dad the day after Christmas. Most often celebrated at non-residential establishments.
My brother was internet bullying some dude on the polar express Reddit page while we watched it this year.
Interesting Christmas this year. I feel a little wacko but not our worst by any means. Feel s like I am seeing things in a new light. I’ve been hungry a lot and inside most the time. I think everyone else is having a good time.
Oh my god I went to the dentist today. Terrible terrible terrible. Why would they paint the walls bright green there?!?
More hungover than I have been all year.
Wedding dress shopping today!!!!
This is the longest I have spent where I’m “from” since I “left”. I guess everyone has somewhere they are “from” and this is mine. It’s not so bad any more. But normally I am somewhere and I am not from there. And people say “are you from here?” And I say “no I am from somewhere else”. But now I am from here and no one has even asked me if I am from there, because I know all of them already, because we’re all from the same place, here, where we all are now.
It’s been really rewarding to be able to help my mom. I would do anything for her.
If you were in town for four weeks and your dad lived 20 minutes away how many times would you expect to see him?
Been doing some epic holiday bakes. I just candied literally one thousand nuts and it drove me to the brink of madness. I peered over the edge and retreated. Sticky sticky sticky.
Did you guys know there used to be a McBarge on the down town river front….
Have decided that by the time i go to bed to day i will have a dresser. The current situation is untenable.
Happy Monday :) I don't feel like doing any work today :) so I am not going to :)
This weekend was restful and fun and chill and nice. I am maybe a little bit in love, which is enjoyable. I am surprised that it has stayed so fun for so long. I do give myself a lot of credit for being nice and normal about it.
Agreeing with @mothbaby on a soft sober October. I am trying to be more present in my body and also keep more money present in my bank account, so I think this will be a good decision on all fronts.
TGIF! This week was long, but i feel as though I did my job well. I slept forbout 11 hours last night, which I really needed. Thats winter time baby.
I am thinking of going on a long run tomorrow. Before party!! i am so excited for party!! I have been looking forward to it for weeks! @bugleague in the lou!
24kGoldn and BabyJake said it best in their truly mediocre song Cigarettes on Patio, i am looking forward to "...smoking cigarettes on patios ...drinking beer with my friends".
also did 'forbout' give you pause in the first paragraph? i am thinking of starting somethin...
Did surprisingly well at bar trivia. I knew ernest hemmingway wrote death in the afternoon! like right away too. kinda major.
Went on a run in TGP today and I saw a group of like actually 150 people running together. All different ages and general vibe. I chickened out on asking what they were doing.
I am reading about cells and enjoying it.
Making my valiant return to the flounderverse for the winter. I graduated and shut my laptop for 3 months. its good to be back, although I fear my personal computer (PC) may have succumb to a virus.
I am ready for the winter. can't believe it. I think I might get really sad this winter, but not in a way I am dreading. Decided that probably mid november I am going to screen eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and officially inaugurate sad season.
Plus you hate to say it but a winter cigarette has something to it.
I AM dreading November. Anyone going anywhere fun/interesting to hang out over Thanksgiving? Don't really want to be in VA or STL
Good morning flounderverse :)
This past weekend was quite literally off the freaking chain.
I had a kick ass time at beerstravaganza #3 on Friday night. We laughed, we cried, we drank, we smoked, we held eachother nice and close.
Saturday morning was a kind of hell previously unknown to me. I puked out of my car window while I was driving past young families with strollers enjoying their morning at TGP. Fortunately, I was eventually revived by a QT sausage egg and cheese crossaint and an icy cold diet coke.
Then me and @mothbaby headed to Cherokee for Cinco de Mayo. We were working with the South City Harm Reduction collective to hand out Narcan and Fentanyl test strips. We straight up ROCKED it. We handed out probably like 300(ish?) boxes of narcan. then we ate some delicious corn and smoked some funky weed. i love @mothbaby.
Then I ate a bunch of chinese food alone in my apartment, which can be so powerful in its own way.
Sunday I set out to lay in a creek. Me and @eliza journeyed south to St. Francois state park and enjoyed a truly gorgeous hike. There was an astounding lack of trash and the stream was spring fed. I wasable to lay down and splash around to my hearts desire.
All in all, this weekend smelt like sunscreen, beer, bug spray, and ganj. Its summer time! In St Louis! and I love it! and all of you!
=> creek.jpg
goooooooddddd mmorrniINNGnnGG fLouUUNNDDEeeRRRVERSE!
Happy Tuesday! I am being a busy little bee this week, but all good stuff.
I really enjoyed my high performance computing class yesterday. If anyone wants to talk about LLMs, hit my line! I have many concerns. Every time I leave that class I just have thoughts thoughts thoughts. Feels good to get my brain blood pumping.
Tonight i am seeing LIZZO with my love, my life, my Eliza. I dont have a cool outfit planned but Lizzo will look hot enough for the both of us I am sure.
This weekend I am John Denvering (going home to Virginia). It is my mama's birthday and I am excited to hang out with her and Luberry.
I very much relate to @idi's most recent journal post. I, too, have a lovely little life that i can't seem to fully relax into. Everyday when I try and have my "chill out" time, i am worried that I forgot something at work or I am supposed to be at a meeting or what if my landlord is mad at me or did i remember to turn off my curling iron or what if my friends are lying to me or what if i wake up tomorrow and there is no more money in my bank account. We are, however, getting better. I think it is one of the perils/joys of living alone. Sometimes its easy (especially when its warm out at night and you live by the park) and sometimes it is hard, but I think I am making real progress towards enjoying my life.
Howdy howdy howdy. This weekend has been a delight. Show @ The Splash Pad (TM) on Friday was as fun as always. I love being silly goofy let the good times roll with my friends.
Saturday me and @princess-jesus and @unclealtoid went and looked at a bunch of apartments and generally beep booped around the city.
I got a approved for the apartment I applied for so I am very hashtag exiteD!
Saturday night I went bowling in the loop. i had not been there is a while-- it was, for lack of a better term, hoppin! That was fun fun lovely lovely.
now it is sunday and I have just returned from the Symphony. The symphony is so good and you should all check it out. The crowd is kinda full of a bunch of mean old bats, but the music was good.
Kiss kiss love u
Time to self disclose via Flounder diary.
Yesterday I suffered a mortification that I KNOW i will be thinking about late night for the foreseeable future. I told a classmate that I always have to stop myself from laughing in our professor face during class and of course he was standing DIRECTLY behind me. But I enjoy his class and he is funny and makes me laugh! but it sounded so mean :/ Dr. Mudigonda if you're reading this I love you.
Last night the cops knocked on my door (neighbors fighting again). I opened it at like 10 pm and then immediately was like, why would i do that?? But ultimately i am chismosa and need to know what is going on.
My neighbor was really strung out (#fail) and also opened the door (#fail). She was clearly high (so was I, but not like that) and the cops deduced that she was the one they were looking for.
The cop was super hot also. He looked like Idris Elba with a beard. He looked like he would smell really good. Unfortunately the wellness check from Mr. SexyCopMan did not resolve the issue at all (SHOCKER!) but at least they were respectful about their complete ineffectiveness.
My new passive resistance to the constant screaming is to add my own screaming to the mix. I hope my neighbors like Fleetwood Mac!
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