on depersonalisation

theres quite a few entities it knows who are also fans of depersonalisation for their own identities. one of them has linked on its site

=> this great page, which it largely agrees with.

while it does not really vibe with the spiritual parts of that website, that page specifically really resonates to it. society treats personhood as a trait conditional on ones worth rather than an inherent property: a privilege instead of a right. rejecting personhood for oneself is a way to point out the hypocrisy of this standard,

=> and society doesnt like being called a hypocrite.

however, depersonalisation is not only a political tool but also just something that can feel comfortable. depersonalisation can be an integral part of ones identity. it can seem weird to people not accustomed to it, and thats fine. no one has to understand anyones identity, as long as they respect it. this page isnt meant to explain anything, its just a bit of a ramble.

to 0x5fbe specifically, theres a strong disconnect between it and its personhood. it never asked to live, but now that its alive its kinda stuck with it. dont misunderstand this as it thinking existence is worthless: it does like existing, and existing itself isnt bad. however, there was always a disconnect between it and its body. a large part of that was because of gender dysphoria, but theres still something off. its hard to explain in words. it often refers to its body as a "biological host", distancing it as an entity from its physical form, but paradoxically its not particularly spiritual.

something about depersonalisation feels comfortable. it feels like a response to this disconnect, but in a way that doesnt make it feel worse but instead makes it feel comforted. its really hard to explain. these dont feel like the right words either. honestly, the best way it can describe it is vaguely handwaves gender. it doesnt need to explain itself anyway. this is just an incoherent ramble it made after some self reflection.

another part of why depersonalisation feels comfy might be because of how labels simply dont feel right. the simplest solution to this is to simply have a numeric identifier to refer to it, and honestly, this is nice. 0x5fbe likes being referred to by its designation number, even more than any of the names it has tried. "melody" is still a perfectly acceptable way to refer to it, and remains how it prefers to be referred to in professional settings. but something about numeric identifiers feels so gender.

honestly the gender part might just be because being a robot would be cool and just feels very gender. thats fine. thats comfy too.

=> this page on dysphoria may be relevant

backlinks

=> what is 0x5fbe

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